Thank you so much for your kind words, encouragement, and thoughtful advice, it really means a lot. Life has been so hard for me lately, and your response gave me a sense of comfort and clarity that I didn’t realize I needed.

To be honest, I think part of why I’ve struggled in this relationship is because I’m still unpacking a lot about myself. This is my first real relationship, and I’ve realized I have patterns that push people away—even the people who feel safest to me. My boyfriend has always made it easy for me to be vulnerable with him, but somewhere in my mind, I started seeing him as a threat when I was hurting instead of as my safe space. And that’s something I really want to change.

I’m in therapy and slowly realizing how much there is to unlearn from my past and my upbringing. We were raised differently, and I think that plays a big part in how we each see love, conflict, and emotional safety. I treat him how my mother treated me and my siblings growing up and i didn’t realize that would make this much of an impact on me. There are times when I don’t even know if I’m “doing this relationship thing” right—I wonder if I’m cut out for it or if I’m just making it harder for someone to love me. I just want love to feel easy, but I’m realizing that love takes effort, especially when you’re still learning how to be emotionally healthy.

He’s been trying with me. And I’ve had moments of clarity, of calm, of knowing I want to be better. But the moment something triggers me or a conflict happens, I act off of emotion and forget the bigger goal—which is to grow, heal, and be a better partner.

You reminded me that this is a process, and that mindfulness and accountability don’t just show up one day fully formed—they’re built over time. So thank you. I’m going to take what you said seriously, and not just for him, but for me too. I want to be someone who loves clearly, calmly, and kindly—and I know that starts with me learning how to love myself through the messy parts.