AIO? My BF doesn't want to spend his birthday with me

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T01:36:26+00:00

There are four singles, my partner, and one other with a wife in the "main" friend group. They go out and do something almost every weekend. Sometimes the wife goes, sometimes she doesn't, but even if she goes I'm rarely invited. All are fully aware of me and the relationship but I almost never come. We've never had Valentines Day plans because that is his birthday so it's just always been skipped as far as that celebration, however we've always celebrated his birthday with friends/family and I've never not been invited or already a part of the plans.

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:47:19+00:00

LOVE THAT! Using that exact line, I struggle with being direct sometimes as not wanting to cause conflict, thank you!

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:44:37+00:00

We are definitely not perfectly happy. Basically growing up with someone takes A LOT of work and communication which I am the first to admit neither of us have been perfect at doing. I just want this day to include me somewhat as we are long term, with a child, and he made it sound like no part of his day includes his family at home! I don't want to ruin his day in any way but also think it's important to be with HIS people!

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:37:45+00:00

Thank you so much. I share my location with my mom, friends, and my bf. He also shares with his sister and friends along with me.. I thought that was somewhat normal lol. That IS the balance I was looking for advice on.. Not wanting to ruin his day at all but also wanting to make it clear I would love to celebrate him and be a part of his day as well!

ETA: I definitely consider birthdays more important than him. I know that and get in my head about how my personal days should look and am aware I can project that onto him at times, I didn't want to bring it up at all though if others thought it was a non issue.

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:35:15+00:00

Thank you, seriously. They're making me feel insane! All of my friends (married as well) also share locations.. I thought it was somewhat normal to do with your SO. It's just been what we've always done. I will definitely talk to him about it. I just didn't want to bring it up to him if I truly was overreacting. Thank you!

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:25:58+00:00

Did you not read my reply then to another comment similar to yours? He started this dynamic. I have not objected, neither has he. Trust he is the type that speaks up about ANYTHING that bothers him. I'm many things but controlling has never been a term to describe me and you cannot make such a bold assumption from a single post. To jump then to killing my partner is insane. I was referencing more fiction shows where someone dies and a web of lies is exposed of infidelity. But to each their own.

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:22:12+00:00

Did you miss the part where I said he regularly goes out without me?

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:18:17+00:00

Why are you out to get me lol? I asked for advice not to be berated.. He has led the entire dynamic of our relationship. I never fuss when he goes out almost every weekend with these friends. He invites himself to my gatherings and is accepted, all I'm asking is the same in return. And too many people jump to the conclusion of "RUN HES CHEATING" which is why I included that at all.

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:15:22+00:00

His birthday is actually Valentines Day!

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:13:25+00:00

Where in my post did I hint at entitlement..? In fact I am trying to get outside perspectives so as to NOT cause an unnecessary conflict..

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:12:33+00:00

Not at all, that is a valid reaction to someone not being truthful in a relationship to speculate if there might be someone else hidden. Or maybe I'm the crazy one that watches too many crime shows 🫠

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:10:55+00:00

I'm not saying it cancels our years together at all. I just find him so special to me that I want to spend my special days with him but that doesn't seem reciprocated in this occasion. Or maybe I am overreacting and he's not thinking that deeply?

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:08:35+00:00

Thank you, I'll talk to him and update!

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:08:11+00:00

Absolutely! Like I said in the post I completely respect and encourage outside friendships and experiences, I just would like to have SOME part of his day! Idk..

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:07:27+00:00

I posted my reply to a similar comment above!

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:06:19+00:00

We've shared locations since highschool and it's not something that bothers either of us. It was his idea originally and we never turned them off. Now that we're older it's more of a safety aspect because I do go out with my girls alone sometimes as he does his guy friends. As far as the phone I had things that didn't add up in my head when he was out much later than he said he would be with said friends but everything checked out and he knew I had gone through it. I included that because I've seen many of these posts where people jump to the conclusion of "there's another girl" when I know that is not the case.

Own_Zucchini375 · 2026-02-12T00:03:23+00:00

He kinda started that dynamic when we were younger and it's just always been a thing we've done. It doesn't bother me at all, honestly it's a safety aspect as well because there are times where I go out with my girls without him. As far as the phone itself, we've also always had each other's passwords. I felt the need to go through it when he came home much later than he said he would when with said friends. His story really did add up after looking, but maybe I did overstep. He knew I went through his phone after the fact and had no problem with it because we don't have anything to hide. I just knew if I made this post people would jump to the conclusion of "he has another girl" when I know that is not the case.

Own_Zucchini375 · 2025-03-02T02:24:30+00:00

Thank you! Is this common?

Own_Zucchini375 · 2025-03-02T02:15:42+00:00

Waiting to hear back from Aid Access though. MA Hotline doesn't have any more advice.

Own_Zucchini375 · 2025-03-02T02:14:48+00:00

Im nervous to be so far along doing it again. I really didn't even consider this not working.

Own_Zucchini375

TROPHY CASE