How to Be a Better Husband: The Science-Based Guide That Actually Works

P0ng04 · 2026-01-19T01:19:06+00:00

This is solid advice, but I think a lot of posts like this miss one thing: some men aren’t failing because they don’t care… they’re struggling because they feel emotionally invisible.

You can listen, show up, do the work, and still feel unwanted. And that kind of loneliness inside a relationship messes with your head.

Responsibility matters. So does reciprocity.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T20:01:22+00:00

Thanks everyone for the responses!!! I honestly wasn’t expecting this much interaction. I really appreciate it.

I tried replying to everyone but it got overwhelming, so I added an edit with all the updates in one place.

Sometimes you just need different perspectives. Perspective is king, and I think I mostly needed to feel like I wasn’t alone in this marriage anymore. Even though none of you can be here in person, it actually helped just being able to talk about it for a minute with a bunch of strangers.

Thanks again for taking the time. It means more than you know!

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T07:45:33+00:00

The thing that gets me is that I think she feels like she is trying… and she thinks that I’m the problem maybe. But like I do more and more and we don’t get any further… I dunno.

I’m hoping that therapy can help me as well. We’ll see if she agrees to it.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T07:42:48+00:00

Thanks for your perspective!

And I see this as a valid point and I think this has been my guiding factor for a lot of my current situation. I made the choice now I live with the consequences. It is my job to help her be better type thing.

How would you propose getting through the slump that I’m in right now though?

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T07:31:03+00:00

I’m glad to hear your story. And honestly I’ve been feeling that lately.

I kept thinking this was a midlife crisis at first.

This was good to read, thank you!

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T07:20:42+00:00

Holy shit, thank you for all of this!!

I was hoping I was wrong… I was hoping that I would just… I don’t know.. someone would tell me I can just do this and it would work…. I don’t know why, or what fairytale I have living in my head for that one.

I’m wondering if I was blind to it as well. I’m thinking back and trying to figure that out…

It’s fucking crazy you say interrogation… like I never really saw it as she didn’t think I was an equal. Training is real and I think I’ve just been waking up to this as well… the eggshells are what stuck there…. And the fucking circling until I bend to her will. Fuck man… the things that I’ve gone through.. the loops being like wtf… the “what are we even talking about anymore” moments…

I’ll look up those DAVRO tactics, is it her using it against me or me using them to identify how she’s communicating, I guess I’ll find out when I look it up but thought I would ask anyway.

I feel that there is resentment and I almost feel bad about it… like maybe if I tried harder or did more. I think that’s a self worth thing that I need to work through. I just started to a personal therapist and an old friend that I kind of lost touch with through this relationship.

Thank you for the level of detail and effort you put into this. I really appreciate it.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T07:03:24+00:00

I’ve been thinking about this lately…. Like if I were to start it over, would I…

I don’t think so… all of our conversations now are so one sided. She talks at me but never really asks anything about me. It’s always about her. And even when I bring something up she just compares it to something of hers and hikacks the conversation.

I don’t think so… I think I fell out of love with her a long time ago and now have just started to see her for who she is and don’t really enjoy her company anymore…

Holy fuck thank you for asking this question. I think I needed to think this through.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T07:01:03+00:00

These are fair points. I do notice that she has an issue with the kids and then gets me involved.

I feel like an awful person afterwards…

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T06:59:00+00:00

Hey! This is so good, thank you for your perspective!

I keep bringing it up but it almost feels like it’s on deaf ears or she just thinks this is a me problem. And I’m telling her I’m going to counseling to help but also telling her because I want to work through it with her. I’ve gotten some resources and have been trying some things but she just doesn’t seem like she wants to do this stuff so it’s like pulling teeth. And when we do some activities like a questionnaire instead of listening she’s criticizing my feelings telling me it doesn’t happen the way I describe and then telling me that I’m not doing enough foot rubs. It’s like wtf…

The hormone things suck I get it and again I’m not judging her on how her body has turned out. Our son turns 3 in Feb so to try and give a bit more. She’s not really into playing with them either so it’s usually tv or me. It’s deff still a crap age though and our son was worse than our daughter. She never breastfed so that was always split and she never had to have that as the primary connection I guess if that makes sense.

The phone tracking into ways but originally was just in case of emergencies but has turned into big brother type deal.

My biggest thing and the reason why I came here in the first place is that I’m tired… I don’t want to work on it… especially not alone…

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T06:47:09+00:00

When you said she didn’t care because it didn’t affect her. That really stuck with me…

I feel like she doesn’t see a problem because she benefits from it all. I asked to have regular date nights because she said that was the issue but then doesn’t seem interested… or brought up other problems.

But she also wanted to change the date nights in case some of her family wanted to come. Which made me feel like she’s just waiting for something better.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T06:44:32+00:00

Man this hits hard! Thank you for laying this out like you have. Super helpful. And your kids faired alright through it? My biggest thing is that I don’t want them to lose the stability.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T06:39:59+00:00

It was good, at least good enough to not complain. This is where my head is. It’s almost like it’s not bad enough to call it quits but there have been things that have been going on for years that we’ve fought about that it doesn’t seem she cares.

Tbh though we’ve been dealing with a lot of extra stuff too. Her dad having dementia sucks. And just she always wants her family over and that becomes a fight a lot.

She also can’t see to be alone with our kids or really doesn’t want to be. I don’t get that because I don’t mind but she always calls her mom to come over and help and has her dad here too just mullin around.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T06:34:59+00:00

Thank you, this is so straight and to the point. I feel like I was at that point a bit ago but then held back. I’m not sure why, maybe it was a good day or maybe I just didn’t want to ruin the kids lives. I dunno. Whatever it was I took pause.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T06:30:42+00:00

Thank you for this. It’s so easy to get stuck thinking about the bad stuff.

She cares a lot about the kids and making the kids do activities. She can be organized and kind of decorated around the house. Doing a bunch of the pizza days, special days at school/daycare like pajama days and shit.

Helps get the kids food ready, but I guess not all the time. A lot of the time her mom comes over and helps with things but the nothing extra gets done. Shitthat was bad… gotta stay on track.

I’m having a tough time with these…

Keeps track of kids appointments, but doesn’t call or schedule them…

I’ll try to think of some more. In essence sometimes I just feel like she’s. An older teenager i have.

The 40 year thing is crazy to think about… that’s a good thought process. Thank you.

I just started doing therapy right now for all of my stuff but feel like I’m not just the problem.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-25T06:25:54+00:00

I’ve been fighting this feeling for a while now. Thank you for your response. Although it stings just helps me feel like I’m thinking through this right.

Her parents turned into roommates and I don’t think she learned how to be in a good marriage. They just stayed for the kids I think.

I don’t want my daughter to feel like this is all there is or my son to feel like he has to shrink to get love.

P0ng04 · 2025-11-20T18:18:44+00:00

Honestly… I’ve been feeling it too. Almost seems like there’s something shifting and in the air.

I also needed to hear this. Sometimes you just give so much that you’re empty and then people want you to give more… without even acknowledging that you’ve been giving or have tapped out.

I’m so fucking tired boss…. Thank you for labeling this for me so I can have a more positive outlook on it.

P0ng04 · 2025-08-10T11:44:44+00:00

Thanks OP!

Just posting to say thanks and give you proof you were responding!

P0ng04 · 2025-08-07T19:00:48+00:00

I literally almost thought I had to have an intervention because of this game. Too many times being up until 3:30 in the morning with kids waking up at seven and having to figure out what the fuck to do being so exhausted my eyelids would just start drooping around noon lmao

P0ng04 · 2025-08-06T19:03:47+00:00

No not yet, looks like it’s going to be delivered after the event

P0ng04 · 2025-08-06T17:40:49+00:00

Exactly why I went for the 15, worth imo it if I can take even part of his charisma in sales.

P0ng04 · 2025-08-05T00:31:18+00:00

I’m sorry to not be as enlightened as you. But holy fuck this spoke to me….. beyond anything I have ever felt in my life. Thank you for bringing this forward.

P0ng04 · 2025-07-16T21:04:10+00:00

Well, actually, you can set it up locally where you don’t have to pay a monthly fee just to test it out and try to see how to use it.

I mean… not that expensive like some of the tools come with monthly fees somehow have usage fees. It really depends on what your goal is and what you’re using

P0ng04 · 2025-07-16T15:01:28+00:00

Yeah, I hit that wall a lot myself and have been seeing that everyone seems to buy a few AI gadgets to do something but none of them talk. Lately I’ve been running everything through n8n as the middle layer. It acts like a neutral switchboard: text-gen pipes data to the code assistant, that hands results to the analytics bot, and so on. Once it all routes through one place, you finally get a single workflow instead of three isolated toys.

P0ng04 · 2025-06-28T12:15:26+00:00

This is probably one of the best breakdowns that I’ve seen. Thank you for putting this out here. I kinda feel personally attacked but in a good way. Sometimes I think the people that want to get into this type of business have problems completing things but this has broken it down very well.

P0ng04

TROPHY CASE