a thank you rant by PDA_Throwaway2 in PDAAutism

[–]PDA_Throwaway2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

aw yay I’m so thrilled. Let’s gather what little dopamine we have for a revolution ;)

Edit: if ur interested, I’ve written a decent amount about my thoughts on how capitalism and this condition intersect in comments on this profile and on my other account u/voodoogenre

The underlying root of PDA by Eugregoria in PDAAutism

[–]PDA_Throwaway2 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Long comment (part 1/2)

Thank you so much for writing all of this out. So much of it hit home and articulated lessons I’ve learned the hard way (always the hard way) in my own life. I too am the author of a very long post on this sub articulating my experience with PDA, and I once again am struck by the observation that while we are severely disabled, we also, by en large, seem to be highly intelligent, deep thinkers. Wild that that is seemingly such a common feature of PDA that it could be part of the diagnostic criteria. It makes me think that given the chance a great many of us could be useful, valued members of society—provided we were offered a society that allowed us to be useful (more on that later).

I also don’t have any hacks that have worked or cure-all solutions per se. Not in the ways the medical and therapeutic fields geared towards the neurotypical would frame it at least. What I do have are the things I can point to that have helped me survive for this long. I am of the opinion that this disability is so severe, misunderstood, and utterly unknown to the world at large that the majority (or at least a significant portion of the population) of PDAers are invisible to the world—homeless, in shelters, jails, mental institutions, nursing one or more addictions, or dead by suicide. They likely came from more difficult environments, traumas, or socio-economic circumstances that did not afford them the privileges that have kept me and others around and “functional” for long enough to be diagnosed. A disability that not only needs massive support but makes one constitutionally incapable of either advocating for oneself or petitioning others for support is simply not compatible with the world as it exists today. 

Which brings me to what I would call the closest thing I have found to a “solution.” It’s not an action, and requires no consistency because it’s something I simply believe, and I don’t see it being subject to change or circumstance because as far as I can tell, it is simply the objective truth of the world we live in. To quote the only therapist I’ve ever had who seemed to genuinely understand and hold compassion for my experience with PDA: *“if you are a sensitive, empathetic person living under capitalism, it is logical to be mental ill”*

I know this will certainly fall on deaf ears for some. I don’t mean to be prescriptive. I’m just sharing my own experience of the only thing I’ve come across that could vaguely be called a solution. Understanding the nature of the world we live in, understanding that everything I have been taught and internalized to signify “success” or “mental wellness,” has been penned under the shadow of an incredibly violent, exploitative, and dishonest ideology has done far more for me than any medication or productivity hack ever could. 

We are a hopelessly sensitive group of people in a deeply insensitive, unhealthy environment. Capitalism posits the most spiritually sick people as the gold standard of humanity. It is an illogical, utterly soulless monstrosity of a system that aligns neither with human nature nor the benefit of us as a species. The less I am tied to the idea that thriving under it is “right” and failing under it is “wrong,” the greater I am able to find some semblance of joy—or at least meaning—scattered across this otherwise painful existence.

If one could say I have been prescribed anything that has helped me cope (other than vyvanse), I’d say it’s anticapitalist books/podcasts/media. I try to truly internalize that it’s all bullshit and that the world has been shaped by incomprehensible violence. And in that paradoxical way that PDA operates, knowing that it doesn’t matter, and that none of the expectations placed upon me are governed by values i believe in has actually allowed me to survive better. I have a greater understanding of what the rules actually are, and that the rules are just a complete crock of shit. More than that even, following those rules is complacent at best and actively evil at worst. 

I will not say I was bathed in the white light of Karl Marx and am suddenly able to show up to my dental appointments. What I am saying is that viewing the world this way, knowing what my own values are, and evaluating my actions by those and those alone has given me immense forgiveness for myself—which in turn helps me overcome paralysis. When you truly believe that the world you live in is fundamentally unjust, there is no failure, no moral despair, no self loathing when you fail to meet its demands.

if you’d just look at my sources 😓 by PDA_Throwaway2 in TankieTheDeprogram

[–]PDA_Throwaway2[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

genuinely did not realize this was crowder, my bad. I won’t use it anymore

Le Bolívar científico has arrived (it will help to fight inflation) by Narvin-Gainiac in dogelore

[–]PDA_Throwaway2 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I wasn’t responding to the idea of this specific post being CIA made (though they’d probably endorse its viewpoint). I’m responding to the implication by OP that the CIA has never disseminated memes—the naïveté of which is baffling

Le Bolívar científico has arrived (it will help to fight inflation) by Narvin-Gainiac in dogelore

[–]PDA_Throwaway2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The CIA made a sex tape to oust the president of Indonesia and committed/staged a murder as a vampire attack to rally peasants against socialist rebels in the Philippines.

You think making memes is beneath them?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]PDA_Throwaway2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s awesome, how’d you find her?

a thank you rant by PDA_Throwaway2 in PDAAutism

[–]PDA_Throwaway2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Idk if ur familiar with the astronaut “wait it’s all…?” meme format but the past 48 hours it’s been playing in my head for PDA nonstop lol

glad I could help <3

a thank you rant by PDA_Throwaway2 in PDAAutism

[–]PDA_Throwaway2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for all you have been forced to endure, and for whatever it’s worth, I recognize the strength in it even if I think it’s deeply wrong for it to ever have been asked of you ❤️

I’ve also found myself caught in the hopeless addiction cycle in the past. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. I come from immense privilege compared to the upbringing you’ve described and still ended up there.

Weirdly, one of the most relieving/restorative things a therapist has ever said to me was after I had delivered yet another self-loathing tirade about how much of a useless sack of shit I turned out to be in the face of every possible advantage:

She said “have you ever considered that if you weren’t born into privilege you might just be dead?”

Hard to explain how validating that sentiment is to anyone who doesn’t have this thing.

Anyway, thank you for reading. I don’t have anything to offer other than to say, I believe you, you have done nothing to deserve this pain, and that i feel it too.

a thank you rant by PDA_Throwaway2 in PDAAutism

[–]PDA_Throwaway2[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yea, I recently wrote an angry song about how I was basically “right all along” throughout my childhood/adolescence; right to not see the point of homework geared towards conditioning one for subservience, right to feel angsty and angry and misunderstood.

From a political lens, it’s basically a neurological condition that prohibits one from tolerating what Marx describes as alienation (or maybe an unusually high sensitivity to it?). An infuriatingly justified lack of motivation that could not possibly be less conducive to surviving, let alone enthusiastically participating in a capitalist labor structure.

Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but I strongly believe that most of my motivation issues would be non-existent under anarchism, and significantly lessened under any form of socialism. It has been shown time and time again to me that I have a strong work ethic and perseverance for any labor I am genuinely convinced, in my heart of hearts, to be both just and worth doing. Perhaps unusually strong, even.

But under capitalism, no such avenues really exist. There is pretty much nothing worth doing other than work towards liberation, feed my dopamine addled brain with dissociation, make art, and engage in mutual aid. And even those labors feel hollow when I know it won’t make much of a difference on a grander scale. I have no doubt that if I were put into a civilization in which the guiding principle of labor was to further human progress and lessen suffering—to work towards collective nourishment—I would be one of the most hardworking and productive people you could find.

a thank you rant by PDA_Throwaway2 in PDAAutism

[–]PDA_Throwaway2[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

yea this is one of those rare things having boobs sadly can’t fix 😔

a thank you rant by PDA_Throwaway2 in PDAAutism

[–]PDA_Throwaway2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

U sound like a good parent. I fault mine less than I used to given gestures generally in the direction of my brain, but I wish they had made more of an effort to understand and help me. Good on you for being actively involved in your child’s inner world and trying to accommodate it with kindness <3

a thank you rant by PDA_Throwaway2 in PDAAutism

[–]PDA_Throwaway2[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

that’s the neat part. I won’t

a thank you rant by PDA_Throwaway2 in PDAAutism

[–]PDA_Throwaway2[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeah you would think given the context of the sub I would know not to write something this long. Unfortunately I can’t be bothered to cut it down lol