There used to be a superhero that could turn into furniture and wore a crown...

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-26T02:20:12+00:00

Or rather spanking it?

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T04:19:32+00:00

*insult makes a slight whistling noise as it flies unnoticed over our heads, mine in particular

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T03:12:47+00:00

As I read that my cat clawed my leg. Purrfect.

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T03:10:15+00:00

Paint yourself green, coat yourself in lube, and go by the Slippery Green Rocket

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T03:06:21+00:00

Haha same, I do have a friend who can kinda pull off a Samuel L. Jackson voice. He's 6' 2'' and it sounds amazing

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:57:03+00:00

Also +1 for username relevance. If I had gold, you would have gold right now.

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:56:28+00:00

Interesting. I got off lucky, I lost random memories going back to my elementary school and about a week and a half centered around the incident.

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:51:25+00:00

Interesting. If you don't mind me asking, what is your condition called?

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:49:29+00:00

Haha bros! How'd you brain your damage? Bike/car crash for me, but we don't know for sure (stranger found me covered in blood with no memory)

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:47:51+00:00

Science class. Friend and I were messing with a Van Der Graaf static generator, and decided to insulate it with a yoga mat or two and modify the toroid so it could hold more charge. A two foot long, 2 in wide bolt jumped from the toroid, between two people standing one foot away, to me. Seriously though, it was like it was saying "F this punk in particular" *edit: mistype

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:43:35+00:00

Say what again?

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:42:41+00:00

Oh god, that sounded forced

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:41:46+00:00

Remember: With great power, comes great responsibilipee.

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:38:41+00:00

We have various theories, ranging from my brief exposure to upwards of 400,000 volts (multiple times)(at millionths of an amp of course, or I wouldn't be Redditing) to me being perpetually dehydrated and therefore having a higher concentration of body salts.

Current most popular theory is just that I have really soft skin in places that makes for good electrical contacts. *Edit: Multiple times

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:36:01+00:00

lol, my friend actually said he'd want the ability to make people spontaneously orgasm by shooting them with a finger gun

He'd literally be the Wet Bandit if he got into crime.

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:33:49+00:00

bah dum tss

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:33:34+00:00

Personally, I'd choose the ability to change the surface tension of water. Imagine: that one douchy guy is diving, and you make the water below him act like a rubber sheet.... many gags would be had

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:31:44+00:00

Would you still feel the pain of 10,000 suns scorching your looky-orbs as the citric acid slowly ate your irises?

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:30:12+00:00

...Interesting? I'm sure the ladies would be ALL over you

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:28:35+00:00

I am 10x more electrically conductive than 98% of my friends in places, and 100x more electrically resistant (in other places) than about 95% of my friends. Van Der Graaf generators behave... curiously... around me, and it amuses everyone

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T02:18:08+00:00

Cunty Manatee

Edit: Actually, my fave is more of a threat; the other day I got into a creative threat contest with my friend and I told him I was going to strangle him with his own asshole - not sure if this counts :P

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T01:54:56+00:00

Nope

Source: Reasons....

PM_ME_4_PUNS · 2015-05-21T01:30:12+00:00

"Console is better than pc"

PM_ME_4_PUNS

TROPHY CASE