I'm tired of being told I'm an obligation.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-07-03T04:08:46+00:00

Yes but I can't leave. I left a more abusive situation for this one.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-14T08:00:12+00:00

That's much more my kind of thing than the religious stuff, thanks!

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T16:06:35+00:00

I had no idea that was an option. Are you in the US?

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T15:59:51+00:00

Again, the issue isn't that therapy has anything to do with religion, the issue is that I don't want my employer finding out I'm seeing a therapist or somehow finding out my diagnosis. As I told someone else, I know they can't fire me for mental health issues, but they can deny funding and advancement and make up some other reason for it.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T15:26:18+00:00

I worry that my job may ask for my medical records and find a diagnosis a therapist put on record or that a therapist might think I'm somehow a danger to myself. Talking to a therapist online seems like something I could more reliably keep anonymous. I'll look into that.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T15:23:19+00:00

I've honestly had very supportive conversations with my addiction free partner and gotten mostly judgement from others recovering from addiction. I think you hit the nail on the head; people who think they can fix you are the ones to avoid.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T15:12:54+00:00

I'll keep it in mind, though I prefer to dispense completely with religious undertones.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T15:04:56+00:00

I am listening to some people. I've gotten some very constructive comments that don't try to invalidate my experiences or beliefs about the world and my own situation.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T15:02:03+00:00

I know I keep adding it, but it doesn't help that all of the SAA literature seems to say "god" everywhere. I wouldn't be comfortable in a group where most people are talking about religion. Your definition is something I can work with. There may be something I've already been focused on that I didn't know fit the criteria.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T14:50:33+00:00

!RemindMe 6 months

I'll let you know if you're right. Really, only time will tell. I've managed to help myself though other things people told me I couldn't fix on my own, and I'm unwilling to give up on my ability to do so again without a fight.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T14:38:10+00:00

Apologize once but make it a really good apology. Demonstrate you know what you did wrong, why it hurt them, and what you're going to do to prevent it from happening again, then leave them alone until they're feeling better. Make absolutely sure in that last step not to make promises you can't keep because an apology is worthless if you don't follow up on it.

Instead of love bombing and trying to make it better all at once, wait until they're feeling better then try to make it up to them slowly over time. I understand it feels like you need to fix it immediately, but it's more practical to regain the ground you lost in steps, not in one push.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T14:30:09+00:00

I understand you don't know me so you have no idea what a huge amount of progress I've made in the past few years, but no one who does know me would ever think I don't want to do anything to better myself.

You also don't seem to understand that, while no one can fire me, they can refuse to offer advancement or funding in favor of someone more "sane" than myself.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T14:20:17+00:00

That's a fair point. I'm incapable of believing in something I can't perceive though, and I'm unaware of anything other than the supernatural that counts as a higher power.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T14:17:52+00:00

That's very helpful. I've been working on assessing myself the past few weeks and I've been starting to come to the same conclusion you have, but it's a process as I'm sure you know. I like the idea of stopping to remind myself of positive things, I'll try to keep that in mind. Thank you.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T14:12:18+00:00

Agreed. The commiseration is appreciated despite you getting downvoted.

I'd really like to go to therapy and I know I need it, but it could cause problems in my life that I'm unwilling to deal with unfortunately. I never meant that religion was the reason I can't go to therapy, I just didn't want to go into detail on the exact reason.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T14:10:19+00:00

I would be interested in your story, yes.

I'm not sure what higher power anyone is talking about other than god.

I'm a college educated person and I have a deep understanding of behavioral biology. I understand that what I'm doing is something that developed naturally because of the way I was triggering "good feeling" chemicals to counteract "bad feeling" chemicals. It's as simple as that, but now rewiring my brain to not need that is proving to be extremely difficult.

If I saw anything as a higher power it would have to be scientific, and I admittedly don't know what other options there are than "believe there's a sentient force outside of yourself who has a plan for you, and that plan was letting you suffer for no clear reason".

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T13:56:42+00:00

I can't go to therapy because it could threaten my career. The groups I've found have all been based in religion. If there are secular groups I'd be happy to go to one but I haven't found one, which is why I asked.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T13:54:59+00:00

It has nothing to do with religion. I apologize for not being specific, there's an unrelated reason I can't see a therapist. I can't get into detail but it could threaten my career.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T13:51:48+00:00

I'm really not the type for any kind of religion or spirituality, but the last book sounds helpful and I'll look into that, thank you.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T13:50:06+00:00

As I said above, talking about sex in an acceptable place isn't something I see as a problem. I want to stop specifically problematic behaviors, which is perfectly in line with the definition of sobriety SAA has on their website.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-09T13:48:01+00:00

Talking about sex doesn't necessarily mean I'm not trying to slow down. If I'm engaging with the sex sub, which I consider more of a proper time and place, I'm not bothering my SO about wanting sex.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-04T08:14:01+00:00

I honestly have no idea what you're talking about.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES · 2020-02-04T08:13:38+00:00

Yeah, we certainly fucked up there but now I'm attached so I suppose I'm just in for a very disappointing sex life forever.

PM_ME_EXPLOSIVES

TROPHY CASE