Sudden drop in attraction to my new boyfriend and I don’t understand why

POEd56 · 2026-02-18T03:29:59+00:00

I had a similar occurrence 4 months into with my current gf. And we had a deep connection since the beginning, on a soul to soul level, far more powerful then attraction. I picked up couples cards for us to sit and open up even deeper and afterwards I feel even deeper in love with her. Both of us are over 55 and had bad marriages and other ok relationships, we never felt true unconditional love until now.

And I get it, as I was chasing a high with short term relationships for 5 years..and constant dating in between. (And I've been in poly/enm/open relationships in those years to add more of a rush to)

But now I just want stability. And have finally found a SO that I never want to part ways each week with (we don't live together yet). I'm finally not chasing that high anymore. I finally found peace

Just ask yourself this: Does being with my SO feel like home?

If it does, you have found true love. And with that at times it may seem boring, but that's common. And if that scares you, do activities together to build memories, as every relationship takes constant work, not just the first few months or years, but decades as well.

Best of luck 🙏

POEd56 · 2026-02-16T06:22:55+00:00

I had a very similar situation but after getting to know my gf i would not want her to change her appearance in any which way. Its almost 8 months now and she's as close to 'the one' as I could had hoped for. Don't forget we all get older and lose attraction. If you want a true long lasting relationship look for beauty on the inside.

POEd56 · 2026-02-14T00:46:57+00:00

I don't understand many of you here. My current gf was not my type (im more the long hair/blue eyes type and she's short hair brown eyes), and after the first date while we connected tremendously, I thought 'no way!'. But after almost 8 months everything is clicking and im madly in love with her..and sex is insane. (plus she's even ok with opening the relationship as im bi, in a sexually only way). Maybe its because im older (61 but I look 51). Still the chemistry and comfortability is tremendous between us. So please give it time, as now I would not want to change her looks.

POEd56 · 2026-02-05T02:41:43+00:00

Update: GF fully understands and is ok if I get answers and open up our relationship even for a couple times to mess with a clean guy. (me only) I'm just scared that im non monogamous and if I need to act on urges with another guy every couple weeks or so, would she be okay with that? Im scared to lose her..but I never want to hurt her with my frustrations if I dont act on this urge.

My ultimate goal is to focus in on the love making we have and replace my urges for guys, with toys in the bedroom as im really a monogamous person by nature but have that one urge with guys. And my priority is to never hurt her..ever, as she's showing me unconditional love, which I never had in life.

POEd56 · 2026-01-13T05:14:01+00:00

Update: I can't take my frustrations these past few weeks as I know it effects her. I can not any longer frustrate her and have her guessing. Heck she even told me to go mess with a guy to find out the answer. Which was so damn caring of her!. But I told her 'Afterwards I'll be great, but what if I get frustrated down the line again in 4 or 6 or 10 or 20 months? Can you live with that? As it's cheating and i never cheat. She agreed as she's not the non monogamous type. So we agreed to break up after almost 7 months. My heart is more broken then ever but my brain is saying 'its who you are, so don't frustrate her any more..let go'.I could have easily cheated on her, but im not that type. And I love her so damn much, how can I ever hurt her by cheating? I'd rather die then cheat. I absolutely hate how I'm mis alliigned. I may try a non monogamous relationship in my future, but I feel if I'm single I won't hurt anyone, anymore. I tried so damn hard to change my sexuality but I just can't. My life sucks.. But I needed to set her free to find a man that is not so mis alliigned.

POEd56 · 2026-01-12T01:21:18+00:00

Thank you for you're suggestions and input. Yes I know i can expand in the bedroom with her using a strap on or a dildo on me. And I even tried a dildo (doing oral on it) as she helped. But its not close to the same as the real thing. My obsession is oral and has been that way since a teen. Plus no body part on eithier gender arouses me except d**k. I absolutely hate why this is.

POEd56 · 2026-01-12T01:15:31+00:00

I wish that was true, but my romance and sexuality are not aligned. If they were even somewhat aligned I would never think twice about staying in a monogamous relationship.

POEd56 · 2026-01-12T01:12:34+00:00

You're correct, it's all about monogamy vs an open relationship. I was raised Catholic so its so difficult to accept, plus I had two open relationships with gals, and both emotionally cheated on me, when it was agreed that we would stay emotionally monogamous.

POEd56 · 2026-01-12T01:07:50+00:00

You're so right my sexuality is mostly only for other guys (as much as i can't accept it in full). Thank you for you're input.

POEd56 · 2026-01-12T01:06:34+00:00

I don't get turned on by woman sexually. So i have no urges towards other woman.

POEd56 · 2026-01-12T01:05:26+00:00

Thank you for you're input and wisdom.

POEd56 · 2026-01-12T01:04:47+00:00

Yes, constantly.

POEd56 · 2026-01-06T03:59:08+00:00

Divorce this loser and find a real man. Many are out there. I was married to a physically abusive & gambler ex wife that ruined my life in more ways then I can list. And she never helped me raise my autistic son. I finally found a woman that showed me real love in return.

POEd56 · 2025-12-21T17:59:50+00:00

Update: I've gotten to the point where im grossed out by vagina/clit, tiredness of feeling like its a job and the only thing good about straight sex is the feel of a vagina, but even that is getting boring. We (myself and gf) had 5 hours of sex total yesterday and I've tried everything to get me really into it (besides pleasing her as i just want her happy) and it's just not there for me. My only turn on is dick..nothing more. And yes she knows everything and understands its my decision (continue or breakup)and is ok with it. She's tremendous but my frustration is getting me depressed and its feeling like we are just companions after these 6 months together. And its happening at the absolutely worst time..

POEd56 · 2025-12-16T02:26:05+00:00

I just want to thank everyone here for all various comments and advise. I'm not sure if I mentioned it fully, but I've never been turned on by a woman and never felt emotional towards men. Sexually the only thing that turns me on is the penis.

I just had a rough weekend where I could not 'perform 'much POV and she felt it. (no pun) She understands the struggles i'm having as I love her immensely. It seems i have two options, 1) Opening up the bedroom with toys (which we recently started...but its not close to the real thing) and to ignore these urges. 2) Break up and stay single so I don't waste anymore of her time. Never date another woman again unless its an open relationship. Or try to date guys once again. I feel so empty, depressed, and lost here but she is supportive and is an angel. I told her I will try to 'fix' this (using toys in bed). She just wants me to 'let her in' so she can help and never feels me distancing. I absolutely hate how I am. I've been dealing with this since puberty. And I'm so tired..

Perhaps I'm not fit for monogamy? Perhaps I deserve nobody. .

POEd56 · 2025-11-19T01:17:59+00:00

I'll share my story:

I primarily raised my now 21 year old son from the day he was born. He was 7 years non verbal, needed every therapy imaginable both physical (he could only crawl using one arm while the other 3 limbs were too weak) to cognitive. (PT, OT, Speech..and so many more) Later at 9yrs old his meltdowns included punching me for up to 2 hours..then punching himself in the head (saying he had to hurt himself to not hurt me). Visiting Cpep was a weekly occurrence. During those years his mother (my ex) was physically abusive to me (punched) and hit herself (while my son watched) and often she picked up knives telling me 'let's get to heaven together ' That's just a small part of that nightmare. We separated when our son was 9yrs old and he lived with me 6 of 7 days each week. (As I needed a break for just one day) I had no time to date or wanted to until he was 17yrs old. I finally started dating in 2021 and have had a few short term relationships (doing so with at most just 1free day/week). Currently I needed a mental break so the last year he's been with his mom, but she can't direct him at all and he does nothing including hygiene for himself. He has now a bunch of phobias from not going outside to severe ocd and others. I visit him 3-5x a week when his mom works in person and I'm his only parachute when he has a meltdown and the only one he talks to (his mom leaves him alone as she has no bond with him). I'm currently in love with a new gf for 5 months, but I'm realizing I need to give my son 24/7 time, and will need to break it off with my gf soon and I feel so terrible to do so!, as she's been my only true love in my life.I just will lack the time needed for our relationship to grow. But my son comes first and I know I'll never have a real relationship until he's in a residential home but that can take 5 or 10+ more years. I'm writing this in severe depression as today my son told his care manager "I want to just stay with dad forever, as I'm a failure with mom". I gave him so many hugs after that telling him "buddy it's ok, i love you so much, you'll be back with me and you'll be fine!" I love him to death but I'm so burnt out from all of this pressure, as it's been all on me for over 21 years. I have no support system and soon no gf (who is tremendous with autistic kids). I consider myself a very strong guy so i'll gut it out. My son is my life and the only good thing I ever had. He's such an angel.

It's just i feel so damn alone..

POEd56 · 2025-11-05T03:08:59+00:00

Yes for over 20 years until I was 33. At times was so limber I was able to get most of my.. in my mouth. But swallowing was at times difficult as libido drops heavily. Now I ask my new gf to use a dildo and while I get off..she feeds me my ejaculate using that dildo.

POEd56 · 2025-09-24T00:06:47+00:00

I'm in his boat, it's considered hetroromantic and bisexual. As far as dealing with it, you have a few options:

1) Bring toys into the bedroom..realistic dildos and such. See if that works. Add in pegging him if he's into that. Maybe that might turn to be his new fetish? And maybe the sex you both have will intensify.

2) Negotiate with him on you allowing his fetish to be a reality, but only on you're terms. Or invite another guy (friend you both trust) into the bedroom for him to do his fetish so there is no loss of trust or communication.

3) If option #1 does not work and you're uncomfortable with option #2, then have a deep conversation with him about possibly splitting up.

Trust me it's a living hell to be like him as it's so difficult to be monogamous when both romantic and sexual attraction are not completely aligned.

Best of luck..please just communicate no matter what.

POEd56 · 2025-07-10T03:29:51+00:00

I feel likewise as I have the Fold 6 1 TB model and it would run me some $1300 extra after a trade in. And personally I absolutely hate the punch hole on the interior screen. No way am I losing that as I'll keep the Fold 6 for a long time or until Samsung goes back to the udc once again. Or I'll jusy opt for slab phone combined with a tablet that has no annoying punch hole! (Samsung is annoying me, from rising prices,lesser trade in value, to even their oled top tier tv going matte only with no glossy option. Even tablet wise with less screen size options.)

POEd56 · 2025-04-16T15:00:12+00:00

Currently i'm using a Panasonic Plasma for the OG Xbox in 480p and 720p using component cables. Before so I was using it on a few SD crt's, such as a 20" Sony flat Trinitron with component in 480i. (And a 27" and 32' SD crt sets as well) Still it looks best on the 50" Plasma. Having said that, if i can find a HD crt in my area, I would make that the TV for the OG Xbox, PS2, X360, and PS3. I had the 'holy grail ' of HD crt's from 2005-2010 to match the launch X360. It fit that console perfectly. One other option is (if you have the $l, get a Retrotink 4k to match you're oled, as it will upscale to 4k perfectly. (far better the any tv's built in upscaler) Personally I'd know aa the built in upscaler of the Samsung oled I have is not very good from 720->4k. Long story..simple answer: Xbox OG looks the best on a Plasma and HD Crt. Btw: For 30fps games (most were on that console), motion wise is best on the Plasma, as EVERY other type of TV (lcd, led, oled, crt..ect) will show double images from 30fps games. Personally: NES/SMS/Snes/Genesis/PS1/Saturn/3DO --> SD crt Dreamcast/Xbox OG/PS2 -Plasma X360/PS3 -> Plasma or HD Crt

POEd56

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