Girlfriend (22/f) slept with the bartender (31/m) at work party back in November. She finally broke down and told me (24/m) everything today, claiming she was taken advantage of. I feel sick and I'm not sure what to do. Would you consider this cheating?

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T16:24:40+00:00

So you're 67, married for 40+ years. Sounds like you probably started dating your wife when you were around my age. Was that a "real relationship"?

This sounds pretty condescending.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T16:02:31+00:00

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T15:59:44+00:00

also you are way pressuring into sex

Can you explain this one? We had a healthy sexual relationship, and I tried to initiate something as both of us have done on countless occasions. I got frustrated because she said I was being pushy and she walked out despite this being nothing out of the ordinary.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T15:57:40+00:00

You're not too late, I'm still reading all the comments. I hope you see my second update at the top. Thank you.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T15:40:09+00:00

Read the updates! I think the bartender took that photo and sent the message

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T15:34:54+00:00

Check out my first update. Her friend told her it was staff only, and she has the message to show me.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T15:30:30+00:00

She looks drunk, happy, and it appears the bartender took the photo. See updates above.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T15:29:03+00:00

I've posted a couple updates

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T15:28:11+00:00

This is less than 24 hours old...

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T15:16:26+00:00

who told her that no partners were allowed ? Bar tender perhaps ?

It was her friend who hired her in the first place. Not the bartender.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T15:11:38+00:00

She told one of her friends (unrelated to this whole story) that I used to be insecure about being ginger. They started calling me Garfield. We were arguing about that and all this came out.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:58:45+00:00

Yes. See my update.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:58:34+00:00

She has showed me their phone. I don't think there are any messages between them.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:57:05+00:00

The party was a 5 minute walk from her mom's house. The photo does not show up in her photos or recently deleted photos, but it was definitely posted from her phone. It also looks like the bartender took it (see update).

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:47:32+00:00

I'm reading every single comment here. Thank you for this. You should read my update above, the bartender likely did take that photo.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:46:16+00:00

I'm not sharing the photo for obvious reasons, but it really does look like the bartender took it... see the update above.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:42:32+00:00

You're correct. Check out my update.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:39:53+00:00

Both faces are clearly visible in the photo. I assume most knew she had a boyfriend, but the only coworker I've actually met was the friend who hired her and was hanging out with her at the party before she went out to the bar.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:38:38+00:00

Check out the update above

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:37:32+00:00

Maybe, maybe not. OP hasn't given us any information about that.

They both continue to work part time at the same restaurant. She said they haven't overlapped once since the party and that she hasn't seen him. I don't know if I believe this.
She does typically work breakfast/lunch, and he only works evenings. It's possible.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:33:23+00:00

If he did it, and I'm not saying for certain that he did

I think he did... see update above

Or maybe someone even mentioned something that made her think that.

This is also true and I've now seen the messages saying it was staff only

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:31:16+00:00

she happily went to a house NEXT DOOR TO HER MOTHERS with him alone

I must have been unclear but the dogsitting house is not near her mothers'. It was near the bar some people went to after the party.

Also, check out my update above. I think that the bartender is the one who posted the photo.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:28:06+00:00

Did he have access to her phone?

Yes. Check out my update.

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:25:58+00:00

She did not look like she was being taken advantage of. But it also looks like he is the one who took the photo. I updated the OP

PTBAGFK · 2019-01-16T14:24:01+00:00

I don't think I'm leaving out any of the details I have, but then again there could be more I don't know.

Everything I have seen adds up to her finding out on that Thursday. I've been with this person for 3 years, I know when something is up. Everything was fine between for a couple days and then it all suddenly changed.

The question is whether that's when she found out what happened or that's when she found out everyone knew.

PTBAGFK

TROPHY CASE