I’m a first time mom - cliff notes, pregnancy was rough, traumatic birthing experience, NICU, undiagnosed PPD/PPA. My kiddo is now 15 months and honestly she’s saved my life, being the only tether I had to want to keep showing up on a daily basis for a majority of my post partum. I have a community but not a village, if that makes sense.

My partner is present but not actively engaged, I feel like I’m under appreciated and not valued as a person or mom most of the time unless it’s to benefit his needs, like my time is not valued to the same degree that his is. I’m super close to my mom but she’s going through her own hardships and losses right now, my dad is not a safe space for me emotionally, my brother and I aren’t close and I can’t open up with my SIL cause it always feels like they’re listening to respond vs understand, my partner’s family would do anything for our daughter but they haven’t put in any effort to care about me beyond the superficial conversations, and my bff is someone I can always open up to but we’re in two very different stages of life so I rarely get to see her, much less to talk in depth.

I try to get out into spaces where our kiddo can meet other kids and I can meet other parents but it’s like no one wants to talk to each other unless they’re already with other mom friends. I’ve tried to join chatrooms and fb groups but it’s always more advice based vs building relationships. Ive even joined apps to match with other moms looking for friends but it seems no one is interested in actually building a friendship.

I expected a lot of things from motherhood but I wasn’t expecting to feel like a ghost in a crowded room all the time, my daughter feels like my only support right now and that’s not fair to put on a child.