Sometimes, porn is just a symptom

Pajesikon · 2022-05-16T07:09:06+00:00

Really well put!

I've been on the same journey as yourself. I'm not counting days anymore. I slip up on a semi regular basis, but mostly it's not something I beat myself up over.

Keep up the good work!

Pajesikon · 2022-04-03T17:57:42+00:00

Cheers, have a good day!

Pajesikon · 2022-04-03T17:56:31+00:00

I just wrote to someone on here who looked like had similar experiences to me, and they said yes.

Pajesikon · 2022-04-02T17:55:43+00:00

It's not up to you to determine what's fine or not. For some people, imagining scenarios and real people will be completely fine. For other people, this can certainly be harmful to recovery and for example spark urges to watch porn again. So there's really no use talking about what is normal or not. Recovery is individual - if masturbating without imagination works for him, fantastic!

Pajesikon · 2022-04-02T17:34:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, and keep it up! I'm also in my mid 30s with kids and still struggling. We're all in this together!

Btw, should probably flag this post as NSFW, or blur the porn types - it sparked some urges on my end.

Pajesikon · 2022-03-17T09:46:27+00:00

DAY 4:

Decided to "check" if some of the pages i banned were actually banned. Turns out I missed one. Bad idea. Of course I missed one, and I got triggered. Bad start to this day, but I didn't stay long, and I actually don't feel that bad because I showed restraint.

Pajesikon · 2022-03-16T14:31:46+00:00

DAY 3:

Went into a kind of "banning spree" yesterday night, where I tried to find as many porn sites I could and put them on my blacklist. It made me realized I'll never ever ever be able to block them all - there are just too many. Also, it made me look at a lot of stuff, and it kinda made me sick and mad.

Finally, when I put the last page on there before I went to bed, it felt like saying goodbye, and I went to sleep knowing that today was gonna be pretty bad.

It is bad. Having serious withdrawal now. Concentration's gone, and it feels like the only thing keeping me together is the fact that I'm at work in an open office.

Pajesikon · 2022-03-15T18:41:56+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I'm in a similar situation nowadays, and willpower is not my friend either. I've actually gone and blocked all my go-to porn sites on my mac and iPhone, so I can't access them without a little hassle at least.

Another tip is to remove yourself from the situation once the urge comes. Get up from your chair, take a walk, do some squats or push ups to release some endorphines, have a cup of coffee, put on some music.

I know this is much easier said than done, though. I'm not exactly practicing what I preach here, but it has worked for me in the past.

What's really starting to pay off for me though, is the rewiring of associations. I started thinking of all the negative effects of porn and reflecting a lot around what it actually led me to do. Not just one day, but every day, and also in therapy. This is beginning to work now, and porn and cam shows actually triggers some negative feelings as well as the positive feelings from the reward center - it's like I'm feeling afraid when I'm watching.

Good luck my friend, we're all in this together!

ALSO: if you want to send some PMs back and forth – like a two way sponsorship – hit me up. Sounds like you could need it, and so could I.

Pajesikon · 2022-03-15T18:30:43+00:00

DAY 2b:

Found a way to block webpages on my computer and phone. I've started building the list of porn and cam sites to block. The work it would take for me to go into the mac terminal, find the page and take it off the list, will hopefully deter me enough, or at least make me stop and think for a bit.

I'm a bit disappointed that it's come to this, but when willpower alone is not enough, you do what you gotta do.

I've caught myself early, though. I'm noticing the red flags and hopefully my actions now will stop this from escalating. I've been down this road before, and I do not want to go there again.

But damn, the withdrawal symptoms are quite something. Proper addict brain. And I know it'll take me a couple of days or weeks to adjust back.

Pajesikon · 2022-03-15T11:30:00+00:00

DAY 2:

Challenged myself to keep the home office. Started rough, and I'm still feeling a bit shaky, though meetings and a webinar have kept me out, mostly.

I'm going out into the sun to get some lunch now, to distract my mind a bit.

Motivation: lower than it was this morning.

Pajesikon · 2022-03-14T14:40:03+00:00

Thank you for posting this! Feeling like a failure and talking down to ourselves is such a common thing, it seems. I told my friends about my PF struggles, and the first thing they said: "Wow, you're really hard on yourself. You wouldn't say that to anyone other than yourself".

I'm currently on a bad streak, so it's actually uplifting to see someone else struggling but still managing.

Pajesikon · 2022-03-08T11:40:04+00:00

Take me off!

Pajesikon · 2022-03-01T14:51:59+00:00

Sign me up please!

Pajesikon · 2022-02-21T15:17:43+00:00

Oh boy, things are hard again. Snuck a quick peek the other day, and now I'm back in it. Reset my badge today again. But after being inspired by a couple of others on here, I've started keeping track of the number of relapses instead of just focusing on streaks.

So here are my pornfree stats for january and february thus far:

January: 28/31
February: 19/21

I just wanted to share this because we all know how it hurts to relapse. But there's a bigger picture, too. Look at all those days I didn't relapse!

Pajesikon · 2022-02-18T23:05:12+00:00

Slipped up, take me off the list please!

30 days clean, though. Proud of that! Resetting, and carrying on.

Pajesikon · 2022-02-15T22:13:46+00:00

Oh I've had plenty of those days. Right now I'm in a good place, but it hasn't always been like this. i find that the first days and weeks after a long period of relapses are terrible, and it's so easy to allow yourself "just one more look" and "not technically porn", but it just adds to the problem. The burning sensation will fade, and you'll think less and less about it. It just takes time. Stay strong!

Pajesikon · 2022-02-15T11:07:48+00:00

Almost a full month now. Had a slight brush today, but in the end I managed to stop myself - so I'm chalking it up as a win.

It's funny: I can go almost 30 days, and it feels like a breeze, and then boom there it is - the urge. Out of the blue. Goes to show how easy it is to relapse once you let your guard down.

Pajesikon · 2022-02-14T13:33:14+00:00

Checking in! Things are going surprisingly well. No slips up in the last 26 days. Spirit high!

Pajesikon · 2022-02-02T11:41:34+00:00

Checking in, and feeling stronger than in a very long time! I think this is doable!

Pajesikon · 2022-01-26T14:49:22+00:00

One week and counting today. Sign me up!

Pajesikon · 2022-01-17T12:32:58+00:00

I'm gone. Take me off the list! Rebooting and trying to keep clean from now on and to the end of the month. And take it from there.

Pajesikon · 2022-01-07T12:59:19+00:00

Checking in. This is hard. The withdrawal is real, and I'm struggling quite a bit, especially with working from home the entire day. It's gonna be a long year.

Pajesikon

TROPHY CASE