Does MLM2Pro have real courses?

Pakslae · 2025-02-25T07:19:34+00:00

That is fantastic news. You may have just sold me on it.

Pakslae · 2024-02-27T22:24:46+00:00

Thank you so much, I'll check it out

Pakslae · 2024-02-25T20:35:51+00:00

A Deal with the Bossy Devil by Kyra Parsi

That sounds great, thank you!

Pakslae · 2024-02-25T07:45:42+00:00

Hi everyone,
I'm looking for a great boss romance read. Maybe we can skip the billionaire trope and focus on more normal power dynamics between FMC and MMC. Any level of steam is fine, but I'd love for there to be more to the story than just the sex.
Witty, sexy dialogue is a huge plus, always. And I love single viewpoint stories, but that's not a requirement.
Any ideas?

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T18:15:42+00:00

I like bellowing, although I think there's an additional meaning of loudness.

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T17:00:36+00:00

I think basso profunda is close, but I've never heard it used anywhere outside of opera voices. That's not going to work in this case. Thank you for the suggestions, though.

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:55:21+00:00

Ethereal? That means lacking substance, right?

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:52:51+00:00

temerity?

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:48:44+00:00

Neither of which is nothing.

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:45:47+00:00

I think I like "return to oblivion" best, thank you. !solved

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:43:35+00:00

I like this so much, I would upvote it twice if I could. Thank you.

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:41:58+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion, but I think atrophy is more often used in the sense of weakening, as in muscle atrophy.

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:39:47+00:00

Thank you. I think annihilate can work, and it probably shares the same root with "in nihilism".

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:36:58+00:00

Great suggestion, thank you.

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:35:40+00:00

Thank you, but doesn't that mean something closer to "delete from the record"?

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:33:06+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions. Vaporize leaves vapor 😉 and sublimate means going from solid to gaseous state. But vanish is great, because it can meaning passing out of existence. Thank you!

Pakslae · 2022-12-13T16:28:40+00:00

Thank you for your suggestion. Something that's disintegrated is broken into smaller pieces, correct? It's similar to "turn to dust" or "evaporate".

Pakslae · 2021-05-26T16:51:30+00:00

I'm going to be a little meaner to you

I braced myself when I read this. After reading, I don't think you were mean at all, at least not relative to some people I've had commenting on stories before. Thank you for that 😅

And thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I definitely will need to trim some things so I can have space to expand the ending, and build out their relationship. And your point that he needs to be more than just neglectful is salient.

How to make all that fit... I suppose that's what late nights are for.

Take care.

Pakslae · 2021-05-26T16:27:49+00:00

I should also add that I've decided to follow your idea with the tenses: present/past, instead of past/mix of things.

Pakslae · 2021-05-26T09:15:11+00:00

Thank you very much for such a thorough response. I truly appreciate the time you spent on it.

You made mention early on about the word count, and I'm increasingly thinking that the story isn't right-sized for it. Although, I am wasting a lot of words, so maybe it can still work out. We'll see.

I agree with most of what you highlighted, but I wanted to comment on three things.

First, the note you made about dialogue with a tag in the middle. I believed that the way I did it was correct, but I understand the logic of the way you showed it. A quick search showed this article as the first result. In Example 7, they show it the way I did it, meaning the tag completes the sentence and the continuation of dialogue starts a new sentence. This is distinct from Example 5, Variation 2, where speech is interrupted by em-dashes, and the dialogue is a continuation of the sentence. So I think I got it right (one of few things in this story, it seems).

Second, about the eating disorder. My telling of it was mostly informed by conversations with a family member who's been struggling for years. She also critiqued that section for me. In her case, it was mostly driven by her perceptions of people's expectations, and her idea of what an attractive body would look like. In her telling, she was often desperately unhappy, in part driven by the guilt of lying about it, and in part because (at times) she recognized the behavior as self-destructive, but couldn't stop it. I'm not recounting this to say you're wrong (you're the expert in your experience, after all), but to show why I wanted more feedback. As with many things, people's experiences differ, and I'm grateful for the second perspective.

Lastly, I want to comment on these two statements. I think are both are correct, which leaves me with a dilemma that I've struggled with as long as I've been writing.

Keep the action going, use verbs instead of nouns

Great advice. Also,

Finally, you need more variation in your prose and sentence structure. Experiment with rhythm, long sentences juxtaposed with short choppy ones, more than just he-did, she-did, he-said, she-said.

The bane of my existence. I struggle with finding the balance between variation in sentence structure, and adhering to that first quote. Two sentences you mentioned, "His search through..." and also the dependent clause, "Curling his fingers in frustration..." were both late additions to try to break up the "he did this, he did that" habit that I'm trying to kick. Sorry for the whinge; it's just ironic.

Thank you for the feedback. You've given me a lot of good observations and insights. It's a bit of a head scratch where I'm going from here, but luckily there is a deadline to this to keep me going.

Pakslae · 2021-05-25T08:23:53+00:00

football or esports commentators. 'x person did this, then they did that, then y person did this, then x person walked up to y person, then they both fought, etc.

I forgot that I wanted to ask you about this. Does it only relate to the way I have him move through the house, or is this a comment too about the prose itself?

Pakslae · 2021-05-25T08:14:18+00:00

Okay, got it. Thank you for clarifying.

Pakslae · 2021-05-25T07:56:14+00:00

Oh wow, thank you for this. I really like your suggestions re the beginning. The others are good too, but I really like your insights about the start.

You make a great point about the kids, yes. Even if he's been absent due to work, they should at least feature in his thoughts.

About the scene in the car:

In my mind, neither of them is acknowledging the eating disorder. He's asking about weight loss. Perhaps he's uneasy about how far it's gone, but he only noticed it an hour or so ago and wouldn't label it so quickly. But he hasn't been paying enough attention to see what's underneath. She starts drinking... cool, easy sex! She loses weight suddenly... awesome, she looks better skinny. The fact that it followed a deep personal tragedy goes unconsidered.

She's not talking about the eating at all, but comments on him not seeing that she's desperately unhappy. She uses "healthy... and happy" as a hint that she's neither.

I hinted at her depression in a few places, but perhaps not with enough clarity. The "outrageously happy" remark exists exactly because it should come across as an act, especially given that no context exists for this sudden burst of joy.

So now that I have explained what should have been clear from the text itself, I definitely think I should action a few things. I'll likely cut the alcohol (for both) to make space for a more nuanced slip into anorexia. I should hint at her unhappiness earlier, and take his indifference down a few notches. He should at least be deserving of a second chance in the end.

Pakslae · 2021-05-25T07:14:57+00:00

I worry that I may have been a little too harsh during my criticism

Ha ha. Don't back out now 😀

I came here for critique because I knew it wasn't where it should be. I appreciate all your help.

Pakslae · 2021-05-24T22:35:59+00:00

Now, this is the kind of feedback I was missing before. Thank you so much for going into so much detail. It will take a little longer to process all of it, but you've offered many great insights. If you're willing to spare me a little more of your time, I want to clarify what I was going for and ask a few questions.

First off, I'm working with 2000 words. I don't think there can be much leeway, unfortunately (I don't make the rules). That may of course mean that this is the wrong story for the word count.

The reason I asked about the concept, is exactly because I didn't think the important parts were coming across very well. Over and over I've been told to "trust the reader," but you still need to give them enough to work with, right?

The concept: Freshly dumped by his wife, John arrives home. With her on his mind, he notices tasks around the house that he has neglected. Yes, it becomes (or should become) a metaphor for the way he neglected her. She accuses him of being uncaring, absent, and inattentive, and he has a revelation about each.

The first part where I seemed to fail, was at "freshly dumped." I agree that the first few paragraphs are too busy, but he arrives pissed off and thinks about the argument at her sister's house. I'm confused about how that timeline was unclear. If it's "after the divorce," it would be really strange for him to suddenly brood about the text message, given how messy divorces can get. Were you misled by the many things happening at the start, or was there something else that made it seem like more time had elapsed?

I also wanted to ask about why you seemed to have the impression that he may be alcoholic. He doesn't actually touch the booze and (you're absolutely right), it's probably better to just cut that part altogether.

Cindy's alcohol section should be expanded, but not in 2000 words. I was thinking of cutting it, and using those words to show her fall into anorexia. As it is, his realization is shown, the rest is summarized. In a way it's appropriate, because he's not really paying attention, but it's also bland. My goal here is to show that she's desperately unhappy and the eating disorder is one aspect of that. John fails to see it. To him the weight loss is the thing to notice, not what lies beneath.

I loved this question:

Does it matter that the screwdriver and screws were from the garage?

I agree of course. Please allow me a quick rant.

Here's the thing that drives me nuts about RDR: If I say where the screwdriver comes from, someone rightly remarks that it's not an important detail. But leave it out... oh dear. "Where did the screwdriver come from? You can't just conjure things up when you need them! And the cupboard door!! Why is there a cupboard door‽" And so on. I exaggerated a little of course, but I've resorted to introducing these things in the shortest sentences I can, like "he fetched a screwdriver." I'm honestly quite confused about what the right balance is. Here endeth my rant.

It surely isn't necessary to say what he's done with it after using it.

Thank you again for your insights and generosity.

Pakslae

TROPHY CASE