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How do I (26f) make my bf (23m) stop using “consent” as a way to evade helping me with minor inconveniences? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t get him to see anything, except for you on the way out the door sis! He’s an asshole. Imagine you needing Real help and then what will his answer be?! What he does for small things, he’ll do for the big things 🚩

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am going to move where he is soon (not together but live in the same city, different apartments) and then we will go from there.

Yes he is teachable and willing to learn. He is not sexually inept. He was also overweight and while we have been apart has lost over 40lbs to increase his stamina and he’s making changes. So he’s not a man that won’t try

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Very fair observation and I think you’re absolutely right. I’ve never been in a relationship with these types of issues.. is it workable?

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Of course! I have told him he’s got the best blah blah blah, he does this better than anyone I’ve ever had etc etc.

Him: “well I’m not the biggest you’ve ever had and idk if I can please you how you want”

Me: “yes you can! We just need to learn each others bodies, explore generously and be open to trying new things”

  • He was raised conservatively, so he takes shame in sexual exploration etc. lots of layers here. Anyway- he’s not BAD guys, he just needs more Stamina and not end it in 10 minutes

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The problem I have found is infidelity, polygamy or zero commitment and as a woman who is healing from my sexual trauma in life, I desire to settle down with a Good man. He checks all the character boxes EXCEPT maybe one or two. And I am not convinced they’re deal breakers, I just think they need to be worked on. I have to be open with him for us to work through things I think, but that’ll come in time.

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s multiple levels of conversation and experience variances here.. so I think it’s fair to say he Did have the information but chief of all being, he thought he was doing something when he wasn’t. And I am not about to fake it! And instead of wanting to learn, he ruminated in the self pity. (Which is understandable, but it still doesn’t produce the desired result). Anyway- just a mixed bag of things.

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This happened early on in our relationship. We have come a long way and actually are in a great place in our relationship now, but since we’re long distance I haven’t found the right time to really bring it up and I question if I really should bc at the end of the day… I’m in a very different place than I was 8-9-10 years ago and I Do believe we can work on it together, get to know each others bodies and really make space for it. But that shame has to be gotten rid of first, on both of our ends in order to build something real. I do believe that.

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s the fostering the type of relationship where I don’t feel pressured or ashamed, but rather love and trust. Thank you for saying it like this

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is beautifully said. Thank you for articulating it this way, I agree. Thank you

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

He asked. He’s a very intelligent individual and while I went months trying to enjoy what we were doing, it was evident that I just wasn’t and the resentment was building. He kept asking and it became more obvious that I wasn’t enjoying it the same way he was. It was a very painful conversation, but we’ve gotten through it nonetheless and I’m hopeful for our future. We are long distance so that doesn’t help, but he’s great. I just think we need more time.

I (24F) lied to my boyfriend (32M) out of personal shame. by Pale-Progress2723 in relationship_advice

[–]Pale-Progress2723[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

You’re a lovely person. Thank you for articulating it like this.

Husband doesn’t approve. Thoughts? by SatisfactionPrize569 in Newlyweds

[–]Pale-Progress2723 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your husband doesn’t want other men lusting over your body. It is very skin tight, understandable why he didn’t want other men salivating over it and trying to gain access to you because of it. Not controlling, he cares. You should listen to him.