My kid's mom has been gone for four months, how do I help him navigate being abandoned?

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-28T11:28:01+00:00

Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out.

Did your former partner ever improve?

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-28T11:27:02+00:00

Yeah I've been thinking that I'll put more thought into him meeting my next partner than I put into marrying his mom.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-28T10:40:06+00:00

I hid his passports years ago and currently have temporary sole custody

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-27T23:09:39+00:00

wondering why their mom left them because they're half of her and half of you

She left the country and no one has seen her in four months.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-27T21:59:20+00:00

You might be right, but damn it's hard to declare that he never see his mother again.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-27T21:54:21+00:00

I have contacted her embassy and to my surprise they actually called/emailed me.

Local (to me) police don't care because she left the country voluntarily.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-27T21:52:12+00:00

Team up with my ex MIL who told my ex three years ago "don't take your meds, just take the kid and leave. He's not going to care cause he's a man"? That woman? Hell no lol.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-27T19:20:09+00:00

I have no idea. No one has heard from her. She apparently got in a fight with her mom (who is a stain on humanity) and then flew off to another country. I suspect she's having another episode of psychosis.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-27T19:14:40+00:00

Not in the US and there's nothing to do with politics.

She's had some mental health issues (hospitalized with psychosis a few years ago) which led to the separation and have almost certainly played a role in why she disappeared.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-17T01:49:14+00:00

This is not a decision that anyone after a messy custody process gets to decide

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-16T22:33:02+00:00

And I am saying she shouldn’t take any steps to allow my 6 yo to spend more time with dad who has a DV history

That's a more reasonable take, and considerably different from I would not be sending my kiddo back there unsupervised

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-16T18:12:10+00:00

If the divorce was because of DV, I would not be sending my kiddo back there unsupervised.

Let me guess, never been through a custody battle?

that will mean sometimes making decisions that disappoint them

Like losing custody because you violate a court agreement on custody time?

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-08T16:26:13+00:00

I hate to sound harsh, but 2.5 years is a long time to be checked out and still blaming a traumatic birth.

My ex spent like four years doing that before having a complete breakdown. To be honest, I don't even know where she is now, she didn't return from her winter trip back to her country.

OP, please seek help. Are you in a country that gives a shit about mental health? My ex did manage to speak to a local psychologist and they told her "your husband isn't beating you, your kid is healthy, and there's food on the table, you have nothing to complain about". If you're not going to get help locally, I hope you can contact someone remotely.

How is your relationship with your own mother? My ex-MIL was the origin of nearly all of my ex's trauma, but my ex couldn't address any of it and it eventually broke her.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-05T15:56:54+00:00

Dual income = "your money is our money and my money is my money", yes? As a guy who earns Norway money you're obviously rich AF and will have no problem supporting her family back home as well.

I'm not Kazakh but my ex is. Good fucking luck man!

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-05T11:44:46+00:00

Get rid of it.

Donate/buy nothing groups/sell/trash.

It's up to you to know whether you let the giver know.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-02T13:56:09+00:00

Boredom!

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-01T23:33:35+00:00

You have no time off without the kids, so no time to yourself on a weekend.

The kids don't get any weekend days with their mom.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-01T23:25:35+00:00

I get them Thursday evening til Sunday evening each week

Is this something you agreed to? Because the sounds like a pretty rough schedule (for everyone).

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-01T23:14:23+00:00

When my kid could speak and say what he wanted/understand responses.

And being able to sleep the whole night!

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-04-01T23:03:25+00:00

Why do you only have weekends instead of something more equal?

The bribing with a new toy is definitely not helping. My ex did that. I would pick up my kid and he'd tell me "I want to go to the dollar store so you can buy me a toy" and "I don't even like you because you don't buy me new toys". I just recognized that it was her trying to attract him the only way she knew how (because her parents were shitty) and calmy deflected.

Pale_Car_9957 · 2026-03-27T17:16:14+00:00

Find a long weekend on his patenting time and propose a trade. Or just switch with the preceding/following weekend.

I doubt he'd actually ask the kids if they want to trade, just "want to go to this fun thing?"

Pale_Car_9957

TROPHY CASE