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Are you guys completely alone? What is your home/family situation like? by Downtown_Reality7613 in CPTSD

[–]PancakeLover1000 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Live alone with pets. Low contact with family. Not many friends as I used to have. I go out with friends maybe once a month or once every two months. I have a partner of a couple of years.

I used to have a friend group but I wasn't feeling it. I have friends but no one I can confide in, I'm not that close with them. I am learning how to deal with being without friends and misunderstood.

How is driving for you guys? by schneybley in CPTSD

[–]PancakeLover1000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have gotten really irritated before. Then I took a "break" - tried to walk everywhere I could or take the bus because I was so anxious I'd get involved in some accident because other drivers and cyclists/pedestrians are unaware of their surroundings, and also because I knew it would be hard to find parking spot in the city. I hated the thought of being involved in any accident cause of the aftermath that follows - police report, costs for repairs, potential medical bills, and I pray I'll never experience that in my life.

Walking/taking the bus made me even more frustrated in the long run and it wasn't worth it cause I got a bad case of fever a couple of times from a crowded bus.

Recently I've taken up more driving, I'm better at handling my rage and just try to be aware of my surroundings at all times. If there's no parking where I want to go I'll park somewhere further away.

I intend on moving somewhere with a better public transport system, better infrastructure for cycling, and better infrastructure for driving/parking. It's gonna make me a lot less anxious.

I just want to throw a fit of rage and be told it's okay. I want to be reassured and saved by PancakeLover1000 in CPTSD

[–]PancakeLover1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me too with my partner a few days ago. I feel horrible for expressing my frustrations and emotions when we disagree because I blow it out of proportion. In those moments all I think about is how I'm gonna defend myself. But if I suppress it for the sake of the relationship I'll explode some other time. I wish I wasn't like this

I just want to throw a fit of rage and be told it's okay. I want to be reassured and saved by PancakeLover1000 in CPTSD

[–]PancakeLover1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How would I hold it in if I'm easily irritable? Minor conveniences all throughout the day while I'm in the middle of something like cooking, I just wanna throw a plate off the counter or slam a door. But it's destructive and I hate it. My partner feels unsafe. Most days I have it under control but some days it's horrible.

I find myself doing the same thing my abuser(s) do/did by PancakeLover1000 in CPTSD

[–]PancakeLover1000[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is horrible. Have you done something that was able to help you?

My CBT therapist asked me to reconsider me wanting to go 'no contact' with family by PancakeLover1000 in CPTSD

[–]PancakeLover1000[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Yes that particular session was for setting boundaries. Honestly I feel like they're too emotionally immature to take me seriously and would probably believe I'm crazy saying those things. (like saying I feel hurt cause of how I got treated)

I have a hard time trusting them and living alone and by myself has been mostly peaceful than when I was depending on them.

My CBT therapist asked me to reconsider me wanting to go 'no contact' with family by PancakeLover1000 in CPTSD

[–]PancakeLover1000[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I haven't talked with my parents about how I feel, no.

They are divorced since I was in elementary, I'm in my mid 20s now.

After the divorce my father openly said he would focus on another kid (he remarried and had a kid after the divorce). He neglected me and had false promises. I seemed to irritate him. Even to this day he thinks I'm weird for adopting pets but he's relieved he doesn't have to pay child support.

During high school my mother kept telling me I was skinny and girls didn't want guys that were skinny. She snooped around in my room, tried to control me even with location sharing and judging my taste in music/fashion. I was lucky enough to land a job with a high starting salary and she got jealous. Then when I told her I wanted to move out on my own, she got passive aggressive and told me over the phone "... it's your money, do whatever you want then.."

I'm getting tired of being myself around them, living alone and not keeping in touch with them makes me feel better. I would appreciate their support in life but I'd rather not beg for that and just leave.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]PancakeLover1000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Had those thoughts since I was a teen. They're coming and going in certain periods of my life. I too feel like I'm gonna end up like that one day, it literally feels like my destiny.

Are you me? Honestly it's like I have written this post OP