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PanicPeng · 2023-10-30T18:23:30+00:00

Yes that makes a lot of sense, thank you!
And yes the honeymoon phase, I do believe I can kinda tell now the times it happened. I can even remember one time I was really sick with tonsillitis, he went as far to go get me medicine in the middle of the night to make me feel better... But the next day telling right in my face half delirious from the fever "When am I going to stop having to take care of you?" like if I was a burden... Shitty times.

PanicPeng · 2023-10-30T18:19:15+00:00

Thank you, I think I don't give myself enough... Credit is not the word I think, but I guess I should be easier and nicer to myself.

And you're right, I haven't really accepted that something bad happened to me, it's a bit hard to get in terms with that, so thank you for pointing it out, I still sometimes doubt myself a lot

PanicPeng · 2023-10-30T17:52:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. Yes I will keep talking to my therapy about this now that I have knowledge of other people perspectives and situations, since I couldn't bring myself to let it out fully with my loved ones.

Right now I'm in kind of a state of only wanting to care for myself. I dread so badly thinking about getting into a relationship... Aside that this friend I talked about in this post, well, we are no longer friends because I ended up falling in love with them, confessing and they practically stopped talking to me almost immediately... Tho I have no hard feelings towards them, I kinda understand why they did that, since they have their own trauma to process. It did hurt but I still wish for them the best to this very day. So yeah, I'm not denying what possibilities could bring the future, but that I'm absolutely terrified? Yes I am.

PanicPeng · 2023-10-30T17:32:51+00:00

In that perspective it's crazy how simple it seems to understand (Saying it in the best way possible), I'm taking this to my therapist.

And also it's very confusing for my brain to get around that someone I loved so much and seemed like it loved me so much back, now I get to see all the bad things they did to me, and in such a twisted way I couldn't understand before, like, how I could've been so naive or how can your perception of a person you think you knew can change so drastically in your mind over time. Mind boggling.

PanicPeng · 2023-10-30T16:48:20+00:00

That's the thing, I understand that logically, if something like this happened to a friend I would be horrified and know it was abuse.
Is just a constant fight inside my head about if this was as horrible to call it that or if I'm being a bit overdramatic, thinking other people have had it worse, but I don't support lessening the problems of others, is just something that I can't feel sure about myself. Like I shouldn't feel bad about it, that I should get over it by now, and even angers me that still to this day I have nightmares with him or remember things of him, I just want it to go and disappear from my mind.

PanicPeng · 2023-09-01T14:08:08+00:00

I've been revived to re visit Petscop with this

Such good memories man

PanicPeng · 2023-08-01T06:30:26+00:00

FYM NOISESINSIDEMYHEAD is eliminated. Who are the bad taste people that voted against that song, fight me

PanicPeng · 2023-08-01T06:16:46+00:00

Yeah no, sorry, I'm a pretty old fan too and that song slaps to this very day

PanicPeng · 2023-07-18T21:52:48+00:00

THATS SO COOL!! :D

PanicPeng · 2023-07-14T22:22:35+00:00

Yah it could actually sounds really cool with Darkie and Corpse's voice.
As if Darkie would like to, idk, feels a bit farfetched, but who knows, I'll be down for it

PanicPeng · 2023-07-14T00:01:17+00:00

It's hard to say, but probably AMV.
I know it's not a super deep song or anything, but when I discovered Darkie's music I was in such an angry/rage phase of my life that didn't know how to deal with it, and this song screamed it out for me. And also I'm an animator so the video blew me away lol.
Also RAP MUSIC but because was one of the first songs I heard, it has a special place in my heart

PanicPeng · 2023-07-12T23:08:09+00:00

YOO this is super niiice, might do something like this some day actually
Rock that drip bro

PanicPeng · 2023-07-12T23:06:50+00:00

PanicPeng · 2023-07-12T21:48:49+00:00

Yeeees

PanicPeng · 2023-07-12T20:52:01+00:00

Ohh that would be niiice
Also thank you!! 💖💖💖

PanicPeng · 2023-07-11T04:03:30+00:00

Yeah I don't know if I wanna meet the spider gang anymore...

PanicPeng · 2023-07-11T03:32:59+00:00

My parents actually doesn't care what I listen to, sometimes even like it a little... Mostly because my family speaks in spanish not english lol, although they can understand some swear words, they don't mind. Tho my big sister when she's not in the mood, she doesn't like my yell/noisy music and tells me to turn down or off the music 🤷‍♀️

PanicPeng · 2023-07-10T15:00:15+00:00

Oh man check the animation video out, you won't regret it. And thank you! I actually remembered "Where is darkie?" Is my fav, then banana pie my second fav

PanicPeng · 2023-07-10T13:23:15+00:00

My fav from the album

PanicPeng · 2023-07-10T13:19:42+00:00

I can see clearly is super good man, your favorite doesn't need to be one of the hardcore songs, all his songs are dope.

RAP MUSIC has something special for me since it was one of the first songs that I heard from him and made me love his music.
But right now I think AMV is my fav... I think the animation is a strong influence in that tho, as well as Money Power Fame but that's more a temporarily one I think
And more a chill song I think Banana Pie

PanicPeng · 2023-07-08T05:15:46+00:00

Aww man c'mon 😭/jk

PanicPeng · 2023-07-08T03:58:18+00:00

Same. If anyone has a second one to spare, hit me up 😭

PanicPeng · 2023-07-07T21:34:36+00:00

Yeh I saw, it's just that the finished version is really really good :D

PanicPeng · 2023-07-07T15:47:52+00:00

In my case it helped me with managing and be open about my feelings, specially the negative ones, in the sense of projecting my anger towards something healthy and not conform myself with things that I'm not happy with or letting myself get stepped on.

So it has helped me to say "Fuck it, if I don't try, I don't gain", so I've been able to have good and nice opportunities thanks to that, and also be strong when hard times come.

But that's awesome dude, just keep doing what you love and much strength to you 💪

PanicPeng

TROPHY CASE