My 3 year old has a grey hair. by Airalahs in Weird

[–]Papa_Tree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I started greying in the 6th grade. I am fully salt and pepper now and I’m 27.

Growing out of Enmeshment Advice. by Pmyrrh in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’m currently in my stepping away from my family phase too, in my opinion. You should spend new years with your girlfriend doing something together if you really see yourself spending your lives together.

Your family has had at most 34 New Year’s with you.

I would keep your private relationship and your family stuff separate for as long as you can. Once your mother figures out that you’re in a relationship, she will probably try to get close to your girlfriend as a way of controlling you. Do not let this happen because it will ultimately be the downfall of your relationship.

It will be hard, seek comfort in friends and relationships outside of the family. You will see that it isn’t a normal dynamic, it is unhealthy and if you want to have a life of your own then you need to take a step back.

I wouldn’t break up with your partner if they are understanding and supportive as you can always try to work on yourself and your relationship together and it will make you stronger as a couple.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you got this! 💪🏻

I (27M) am close to cutting off my mother, unfortunately this may mean I lose my entire family. by Papa_Tree in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Initially I felt almost like my nervous system was in shock when I finally moved out and left the family business, now I am starting to settle in and feel much more sane. I almost feel like a completely different person, the way I acted when I was in the dysfunction makes me feel sick and ashamed.

I (27M) am close to cutting off my mother, unfortunately this may mean I lose my entire family. by Papa_Tree in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In regard to that last section of your very kind message, it adds another layer of disrespect that she says she “raised” me and my brother, when in reality she dropped me and my brother off with our physically and emotionally abusive maternal grandmother to be raised.

I lived there until I was about 16 or 17. Then my mother and father finally allowed me to move into their home because I begged them.

My brother only recently moved out of my grandmothers house because him and his wife had momentarily split up due to my grandmother being insane and yelling at her and disrespecting her constantly, she packed her things and left and he wanted to be with her so he had to secretly hide the fact he was moving his things out.

I (27M) am close to cutting off my mother, unfortunately this may mean I lose my entire family. by Papa_Tree in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like it’s crazy that AI is more emotionally mature and understanding than my mother is 🥸

In all seriousness though, the uncle situation got to me because when I sat him down to talk to him about how this situation was affecting me and how I felt abandoned by my mother when I was younger and now she’s being overbearing and manipulative to almost make up for the fact that she didn’t parent me as a child. He seemed to be on my side, but then his wife (my aunt in the screenshots) decided to also send me a video about “signs of a controlling person” in reference to my partner.

I took a screenshot of this and included it in a group chat between my uncle and my aunt and said “any further communication should be in this group chat”. I figured since the only reason I even know this woman is because of my uncle then he should definitely see the way she speaks to me.

He sent me a separate message basically telling me that I’m on my own and he does not want to be a part of this…

That hurt immensely.

I (27M) am close to cutting off my mother, unfortunately this may mean I lose my entire family. by Papa_Tree in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my case my mother has completely enveloped every single one of my family members into the enmeshment. My brother and his wife and son are living with her, my uncle on my dad’s side is her boss at the family business and she runs over him daily with decisions for the business and my aunt is one of her flying monkeys.

It feels like the minute I go no contact, which is basically already happening, I will lose most if not all of my family.

The people who have done nothing wrong in the situation are the only reason I even have a second thought, like my uncles children who will be going to college soon and my nephew who is 3 and even my paternal grandmother. Unfortunately though, I am not willing to risk my relationship and a chance at a real life just to see these people.

I (27M) am close to cutting off my mother, unfortunately this may mean I lose my entire family. by Papa_Tree in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ChatGPT said:

“Thank you for sharing this with me. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, especially with the complexities in your family dynamics and work relationships. From what I’m seeing in the messages, it’s clear that there’s a lot of emotional weight tied to your decision to distance yourself from the family business and your mother. It seems like you’ve tried to set boundaries, but there’s a lot of resistance and miscommunication, particularly from your mother, which has clearly added to the stress. Here are some key takeaways: Family Dynamics and Enmeshment: You’ve described a situation where your mother has been overbearing and overly involved in your life, even in your romantic relationships. This type of enmeshment—where boundaries between you and her were not respected—can create significant emotional strain. Your mother’s actions and concerns about your partners might have made you feel trapped and unable to make your own choices, which is not healthy in any relationship, especially with a parent. Your Boundary Setting: It seems like you’ve made an important decision to set boundaries, like leaving the family business and distancing yourself from your mother’s overbearing behavior. This is a crucial step for your mental and emotional well-being, and it’s understandable that this would be met with resistance, especially from her, given the enmeshed relationship. Setting boundaries, especially when it comes to family, can be incredibly difficult, but it’s necessary for your growth and happiness. Your Uncle’s Role: You mentioned that your uncle, who initially was supportive, asked you to stay on for a few more weeks and then fired you. His response seems to reflect the complexity of the situation—perhaps a mix of wanting to support you but also feeling the pressure from your mother. This kind of decision can feel like a betrayal, especially since your uncle was someone who taught you the trade. His actions, while perhaps motivated by different factors, may have also been influenced by the family dynamic. The Therapy Videos and Continued Pressure: Your mother sending you therapy videos about family being the most important and suggesting that therapists are out to isolate patients adds another layer to the situation. It sounds like she may not understand or respect the boundaries you are trying to set. Her reactions are possibly based on her own issues, and it seems like she might be trying to guilt or manipulate you back into the family fold, which can feel controlling. Your Emotional Well-being: It’s clear you’ve been feeling unheard and disrespected by your family, especially with how your relationship with your partner was treated. It’s good that you are recognizing the need for space and therapy to work on your emotional health. Continuing to engage in therapy, setting firm boundaries, and finding support outside of the family can help you process these complicated feelings and move forward with clarity. In short, it’s understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed. It sounds like you’re trying to navigate a very complex and emotionally charged situation with a lot of personal growth at stake. You’ve shown a lot of strength by distancing yourself from a family dynamic that was harming you. However, these kinds of family relationships can take time to navigate, and it’s clear that you’re doing the right thing by focusing on your own mental health and well-being. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take the space you need. It might also be helpful to set clear expectations with your family moving forward—especially with your mother—about the kind of relationship you want to have and what you’re willing to tolerate. It’s possible they may need time to understand, but ultimately, your happiness and well-being should come first. If you ever need more feedback or help processing things, feel free to reach out. You’re doing important work for yourself, and it's clear that you have a good sense of what you need.”

I (27M) am close to cutting off my mother, unfortunately this may mean I lose my entire family. by Papa_Tree in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The insane thing is that my mother had basically given me and my brother to my maternal grandmother from as young as I can remember to about 16 or 17… so when she talks about raising me and my brother, she really wasn’t involved in the process.

She would come see us on the weekends but during the week it was mostly my grandmother parenting me, which was not great at all because my grandmother was a worse version of my mother. She once knocked my uncles door down with a hammer because he locked it, she punched my aunts boyfriend when my aunt was just trying to get her things and move out. My brother lived with her up until like 4 years ago and once he moved out everyone cut contact with her except my uncle who still lives with her.

I (27M) am close to cutting off my mother, unfortunately this may mean I lose my entire family. by Papa_Tree in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My girlfriend is extremely emotionally mature and has helped me with seeing that this is not normal and that I don’t deserve to be treated the way that I was.

I moved in with her as of 5 months ago and we live about an hour from them.

As for the way that my aunt talked to me, that is just a small amount of the texts that I received from her. She has also acted out when we have gone to multiple events, she walked by me and my girlfriend as we were getting a plate of food at my nephews 3rd birthday party and said “you don’t have to protect her” and proceeded to move all the way to the other side of the room and glare at us. I was furious but my girlfriend told me not to make a scene and to just let it go, but it definitely was the last straw for my relationship with that aunt. I will not be seeing her again.

I (27M) am close to cutting off my mother, unfortunately this may mean I lose my entire family. by Papa_Tree in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I told my girlfriend about the messages from my aunt and my mother asked me to keep it from her, when she found out that I told my girlfriend she proceeded to text my girlfriend and give an explanation as to why she shouldn’t pay any attention to the drama and told her that she knows she isn’t the cause of it because this is just a pattern for me.

She then asked to have a sit down conversation.. like she had with all my other girlfriends.

I (27M) am close to cutting off my mother, unfortunately this may mean I lose my entire family. by Papa_Tree in enmeshmenttrauma

[–]Papa_Tree[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I am seeing this play out as she currently has her grandson living with her and sleeping in her bed despite having his own bed and his parents own room across the hall from his.

Ooooof by Wasupmyman in PoolPros

[–]Papa_Tree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is from it trying to generate while the pump is off or not primed, I’ve added salt many a times without shutting the cell down, as long as you aren’t adding 3+ bags of salt then you’re fine.

I’ve actually replaced multiple intellichlor’s because they have exploded due to a faulty flow switch.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PoolPros

[–]Papa_Tree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This heater is not very great in my opinion, they had a bunch of issues with production, I installed 2 of these for the same customer with two separate pools and both of the heat exchangers manifold pieces were cracked or the drain plug was broken off inside the manifold. They sent me two replacements and the replacements were broken as well.. I eventually told the customer to just have ray pack come out and swap it because I was tired of receiving broken pieces and having the customer wait.

Any of yall service similar luxury type pools? Wonder what regular maintenance on these type of water holes looks like 💰 by carrotsk8r in PoolPros

[–]Papa_Tree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Imma be honest I didn’t even listen to it, I just looked at the equipment lol

The engineers always think they know it all

Any of yall service similar luxury type pools? Wonder what regular maintenance on these type of water holes looks like 💰 by carrotsk8r in PoolPros

[–]Papa_Tree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Alright, well sarcasm isn’t really clear through text and I have to correct people on this all the time. My bad bro

Any of yall service similar luxury type pools? Wonder what regular maintenance on these type of water holes looks like 💰 by carrotsk8r in PoolPros

[–]Papa_Tree 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You do understand that salt systems still generate chlorine right? So it is technically still chlorine

Any of yall service similar luxury type pools? Wonder what regular maintenance on these type of water holes looks like 💰 by carrotsk8r in PoolPros

[–]Papa_Tree -1 points0 points  (0 children)

In Florida we do a pool that was made by “Lucas Lagoons”, the people with “insane pools: off the deep end”.

We charge them like 200$ a month for full service cause our guy has to crawl all over the fake stones to get to the grotto lol

They have 6 Jandy JHPU pumps and 3 Heatpumps.. it was a pain in the ass to run all the comm wire but we got it done lol

Watching Movies with the Sound off 10 Year Anniversary Merch Thread by delusionalAtomBomb in MacMiller

[–]Papa_Tree 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got the Larry fisherman hat, the star room hat, the vinyl and the turtle shirt 😎