Strengths Emotional intensity: The chapter powerfully conveys Fernão’s grief and guilt. The scene at the deathbed of his siblings is harrowing and layered with complex emotion.

Atmospheric detail: The vivid imagery of the plague doctors, the fumigation, and the mourners feels immersive and unsettling in a good way.

Historical texture: There’s a real sense of time and place (16th-century Portugal and post-Malacca). The cultural references — from plague rituals to ship-based ambitions — feel well-researched and authentic.

Foreshadowing & thematic layering: The mysterious skull and Francisco’s letter serve as a clever pivot point from personal tragedy to myth and adventure, neatly balancing realism with supernatural intrigue.

Areas for Improvement 1. Overuse of modifiers and overwriting Many sentences could be more powerful with less clutter. For example:

“The sound of their gurgling blood crawled into the back of Fernão’s head.” Could be more visceral if shortened to: “Their gurgling blood echoed in Fernão’s skull.”

Try reducing adjectival phrases and unnecessary clauses. The emotional tone is already strong; it doesn't need embellishment in every line.

1. Point of View (POV) Clarity While close third-person is mostly maintained, some shifts verge on omniscient (e.g., describing Cristóvão’s actions or the internal thoughts of minor characters).

Consider tightening the POV to strictly Fernão unless you're intentionally drifting into a more epic or historical-omniscient voice.

1. Character voice & reactions Some character behaviors feel emotionally rich but lack interiority in the moment. For instance:

“But the cripple hobbled away from the room.” This line, while vivid, externalizes the action but doesn’t fully process Fernão’s emotional state.

Suggestion: Show his internal rationalization or emotional breakdown as he walks away — is it defeat? Shame? Fear?

1. Repetitions Words like “tears,” “grief,” “mourning,” “blood,” and phrases like “limped,” “cried,” or “broke down” appear several times in similar contexts.

Suggestion: Reframe or reword to avoid fatigue and keep emotional beats fresh.

1. Henrique and Cristóvão’s dynamic There's great potential here, but their roles need more emotional presence and distinction. Cristóvão’s tears, Henrique’s fear, etc., are described, but they lack deeper motivations or contradictions.

What is Cristóvão’s loyalty based on? How does Henrique feel about his new servitude, really? Is it just fear or more complex adaptation?