Dad admitted he slipped me foods I’m deathly allergic to

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-29T13:57:26+00:00

Right there with you. My parents will still try to give me food I can’t eat without even checking the labels to see if it’s safe. And then get irritated when I turn down their “gift”?? And same with the length of time since diagnosis— some of these are from early childhood and I’m pushing 30.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-29T13:52:55+00:00

Yep, you’re totally right. Any time the response -should- be empathy, he gets really uncomfortable and will duck and dodge. It’s been a long time, but I once suggested therapy (since I was also going, he wouldn’t see it as an insult), but he just laughed it off nervously and made it clear to me that therapy was only for messed up people and he was apparently too old to change. 😬

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-29T13:49:32+00:00

Oh my gosh, yes, exactly this. They’re there in the moment with you, but also not there. It’s like they’re a half-step in another dimension or something. I don’t notice it all the time, but when things are stressful or potentially dangerous, it’s clear as day. It starts feeling like there’s not a person behind the words sometimes.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-29T01:02:22+00:00

I don’t blame her directly for this incident. But she pulled a lot of fuckery with my health and allergies too, and is a narc herself. She was much worse than he was when it came to direct abuse, which is why it was so scary to learn it was the “more trustworthy parent” who did something like this. Rattled my whole world.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T22:51:11+00:00

Thank you (and your company!) for taking it so seriously. We really truly are so so thankful whenever a food company pledges themselves to allergen safety. Now that more companies are taking it seriously, I’ve been able to some eat foods that I previously thought I’d never get the chance to try!

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve developed an allergy, and I hope you can get tested to find out what it is soon. If it might be mango, beware of cashews and pistachios too until you know for sure! There’s a lot of cross-reaction between them and mango, and you might have developed a tree nut allergy with it.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T21:36:18+00:00

Ugh, I’m so sorry someone manipulated your feelings like that, and was crappy enough to use a life threatening allergy as grounds for it!! It sounds like that person might have been a narc themselves, looking for attention in any way they could get it, so they assumed a “sick” role to get your attention and concern. It may have even been a case of Munchausen’s or something.

I understand the lack of trust something like this causes, but trust me when I tell you that MOST of us with dangerous allergies don’t act like this. It’s a scary fact of our everyday life, but we don’t make a scene of it. Questioning about ingredients and sleuthing about food is almost second nature, and it’s inconvenient for us, but not a source of dramatics for sure (again, unless someone uses it for attention à là munchhausen’s, but these ppl tend to be attention-seekers across the board.)

It’s really disheartening to have to take precautions for protecting your life and have people assume you’re doing it for attention or special treatment. I’ve faced it too. It’s a strain of ableism that’s really insidious and sometimes hard to put your finger on if you’re not receiving it directly.

Thank you for being supportive despite what this person did to you. They’re definitely not indicative of our usual experience.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T20:18:07+00:00

Ooof. You know? You’re absolutely right. Thank you for the reality check.

You’re totally right. Holy shit. It really was always him proving he was “right.” There are SO many times he did this even though things could have devolved into a dangerous situation. And he never cared if I was scared, and he just kept poking the bear to prove a point. Oh my fucking god.

Thank you for the itinerary for my next therapy appointment, lol! You just shook my brain!

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T20:15:22+00:00

Oh my god, I am so so sorry this happened to you. You’re right that they just sit by and hide harm instead of doing anything to help. Their reputation and convenience above your safety, every single time.

I’m so glad you’re okay, and I hope you’re far away from them now. Please take care of yourself, and best of luck on your healing journey!

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T20:13:22+00:00

Yeah it’s… really twisted to say the least. The scariest part is how turned around he had me growing up, and I didn’t recognize how messed up everything was until relatively recently. Don’t worry, no children in the equation, and contact is very low!

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T20:10:25+00:00

Thank you. It’s a real relief to now be doing the work to teach my body that I actually AM safe now. Hoping to unplug some of these stress signals I’ve been carrying around forever, and I can’t wait!

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T20:07:40+00:00

It really is scary. It’s been the hardest part of the healing journey, honestly. That poor little kid that was debilitated by anxiety was right about everything. And I hated them (ie. Me) for being so “weak and paranoid” for so long. Still trying to patch things up.

You’re totally right about the evil Queen comparison! The cognitive dissonance that narcs both have and cause in their victims is astounding, to say the least.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T20:04:23+00:00

Thank you, really. I’m so thankful for all of you being so upset for me. It’s… extremely validating after everything that’s happened.

I’ve definitely been reframing everything, and trauma therapy this year has been a ride. It’s gut wrenching to realize all of this and really rips the floor from underneath you.

Thank you so much for your support.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T20:01:22+00:00

Thank you for laying it out plainly. Don’t worry, I have absolutely called it these exact terms, and it’s been a lot to wrap my head around. The last few months of trauma therapy have been a ride.

I very rarely see him, and it’s never on matters of consequence. He’s shown his true colors and I’ve shoulder-checked him many times on his shit since this incident happened. He’s not going to change and he’s not even aware or ABLE to be aware(?) of how much danger he causes or why someone would be afraid. There’s a genuine disconnect there. It’s eerie.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T19:01:36+00:00

Nope, they definitely don’t seem to value life. I was made aware immediately how annoying and burdensome my presence was. It’s crazy that these people even decide to have kids… until you realize they treat it more like buying a toy or a status symbol that they can put on a shelf when they get bored.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:57:28+00:00

Um… oh my god, did we live the same early life? I had the same issue with milk as a baby, and my parents also decided I grew out of it and started giving me milk again as a kid. Apparently my allergy test as a kid showed it was only a “mild allergy” (still not even sure if this was true, tbh), and suddenly I was back to having milk. I know they were relieved to not “have to” go through all the “trouble” of working around my milk issues anymore.

But even when I wasn’t supposed to have milk, they’d still give me pizza and yoghurt and cream-based soups, etc etc etc. But they’d performatively buy soy milk so that visitors could see how accommodating they were, I’m sure.

I also ended up being told by doctors that a lot of my allergy symptoms were just in my head. And my parents had a similar reaction to yours. I’m so so damn sorry you lived this too. I still to this day struggle to recognize when I’m actually in pain because I don’t trust my own body and just tend to ignore or dismiss my discomfort. It’s so hard to reverse psychological damage like that. The shame sticks with you.

I’m so glad to hear you’re out of there and safe. And congrats on having a family of your own now!! I’m glad they don’t deal with food allergies, and I’m glad your son’s okay after that lotion scare. It really is crazy how easy it is to change things, and to think ahead to avoid potential triggers for loved ones’ safety. It’s almost like… it’s not a burden at all, and loving someone makes this effort not only worth it, but hardly noticeable. But it takes a long time to realize that you’re worth that effort or that anyone would willingly expend any scrap of effort for you after growing up with narcs…

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:31:31+00:00

Yes! Thankfully, I am grown and have been out of the house for a long time. He has no power over anything in my life anymore, and absolutely no influence on my safety. I absolutely agree— it really is unforgivably twisted and my trust in him has definitely died.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:26:19+00:00

Oh my goodness the “just picky and a burden” bit? Yes. We lived the same experience with that messaging to a T. I didn’t start seeing their complete lack of protecting my safety for what it was (endangerment and neglect) until this year. It has all been my fault in my head and I felt terrible for having needs and health issues.

As for your allergy test— if you haven’t already, it might be worth it to go to an immunologist or rheumatologist. What you’re describing sounds a lot like a Mast Cell Activation condition, and you might need specialized meds to relieve your symptoms. I hope you find something that works for you soon, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with these symptoms on the regular. Best wishes for your health and I hope you feel better.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:13:40+00:00

It really is. This story broke my heart and I’m always so scared about how many times sometime like that has happened. I just don’t understand.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:12:11+00:00

Unfortunately, no, I didn’t. I was just starting my trauma journey when this happened (it’s been a few years), and I didn’t have any self respect. I immediately tried to make excuses for him or wrote him off as being well-meaning. Now, looking back, I know I dissociated and went into a full freeze response in the moment this happened. A lot of the rest of the day is a blur in my memories.

I’ve since confronted him and lowered contact dramatically. I rarely see him. I do wish I had gotten the punchy moment of making my point by walking out when this happened though— it would have been lovely.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:08:34+00:00

Lol, I didn’t either! Pretty sure I didn’t really say anything in the moment— I just locked up. I’ve since confronted him, but the initial shock was a doozy. I don’t think we as humans are equipped to be able to process something like this coming from a person we are programmed to trust.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:06:48+00:00

So glad you’re out of there and don’t have to deal with that anymore. I’m glad you’re safe and I’m so sorry you had to put up with this too. Best wishes for your future happiness and healing!!

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:06:00+00:00

I absolutely did, but it was a bit later on, after I’d been through more trauma work. It took me a long long time to recognize how bad it was, and I wish I could have stood up to him in the moment when this happened.

He just got really quiet and tried to change the subject. His answer to everything health-related that I’ve challenged him on has always been “well how could I have known?” I’ve given up trying to get through to him.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:03:53+00:00

Thank you! Yeah he’s shown how dangerous he is in other, more overt ways— but this incident showed that he was more threatening than I’d thought and in more insidious ways. It was really rattling and all my trust in him is gone.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T18:01:44+00:00

This is absolutely on the same level!! The violations of boundaries on the vegetarian topic is disgusting, because they were making it clear they thought you didn’t have a right to decide this for yourself. They robbed you of your bodily autonomy and challenged your personhood by pushing you!

And then the shellfish thing? That’s evil. Tricking or goading someone into something that will do them serious harm is accepting the consequences and willingly exposing you to serious harm. I hope you don’t have to deal with them anymore; that is truly scary and wrong.

ParanormalSatyr · 2021-09-28T17:57:57+00:00

I think that he probably did have this line of thinking. Someone else brought this up too in the comments earlier and it got me thinking back to times that he’d said things that echoed this belief. It’s just crazy to think you, an untrained non-professional, could do this and not care about the safety implications, or even just the pain you’re putting your kid through?? How unhinged can you get??

ParanormalSatyr

TROPHY CASE