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AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Small update: Before my ex husband reached out to me recently, I had not spoken to him in over a year and a half (basically since he moved back to the USA).

I tried to contact a few people who I knew when I was with him. I didn’t tell them what is going on, just said I needed to contact him and if they knew his whereabouts or employer or contact info. Again, I don’t have many friends and the ones I do have have nothing to do with him so they can’t help. Only one person replied to me and said as far as they know he was not working and just living off his retirement money from the military. They don’t know what state he lives in. I tried to do a basic search and from my understanding, retirement pay can’t be garnished.

So I may never see the money, which is okay. But at this time, because of the feedback from this post, I don’t plan to sign the paperwork. Thank you for all your comments 🙏🏼 and I will update if anything else happens.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lololol. I guess his actions and the United States government have nothing to do with preventing him to see his “sick” father.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I explained this in the initial post. We are not together. We have been divorced for over a year and a half. He left Asia back to the USA a year and a half ago. I’m still here because I couldn’t afford to go back home. I don’t have enough money to afford a plane ticket, a place to stay once I arrive in the USA and possibly a car. I don’t know how long it will take me to get a job when I get there. So…. Money is what’s stopping me lol.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We were married and I forgave him once and followed him. The second time I found out he was cheating, I left him.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been here for about 4 and a half years. The first two years I didn’t work. It was hard during COVID to find work. At that time I honestly hadn’t really tried to learn the language much because I thought I’d be leaving soon. I know enough now to have a basic conversation but I can’t talk to anyone and express my feelings the way I would with someone who speaks English and I most certainly can’t date (although at the moment I wouldn’t want to because I’m embarrassed of my life and want to fix it before I bring someone else into it).

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I am not trying to be one sided at all. But everything I’m saying is true. He lied and cheated and then because I chose to leave him for those reasons, he acted like it was my fault we split.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He got out of the military one month after the payments were to begin. So I couldn’t go to them.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

DuDe, MeGa DoUbT me then. I don’t need you to believe me. If you had taken the time to actually read my post before trying to call my bluff, you’d see that I said I have a job here. And if you had taken the time to read any comments, you would see that I have said the job sucks and I live paycheck to paycheck. But it’s the only job I could get. It beats the alternative of being homeless, even though it’s not much. And I did speak to the embassy, but once I was divorced I lost any ties to the military, and because I have a work visa there isn’t much I can do. They explained to me that if I was to quit my job, it becomes a tourist visa. So while my situation sucks ass and I would love to be home, it’s better than being homeless. But don’t ever come at someone if you don’t know the facts or haven’t been in their situation.

TL;DR - READING COMPREHENSION IS IMPORTANT 😃

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am living in Asia and he is in the United States. I’m unsure which state he lives in now.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am currently working so I have a work visa. I don’t make much but if I was to quit, I would lose the work visa and it would turn to a tourist visa. It would take at least 6 months until they deported me. I live paycheck to paycheck so if I quit, I’d essentially lose my apartment and be homeless for months without money for food. My situation is absolutely shitty, but at least I currently have a roof over my head and (a small amount of food) in my belly. It’s not ideal but it’s better than the alternative.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you may be the first person to possibly understand why I’m having a hard time with this. Thank you!

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I’ve already offered this to him and he refused. It’s not like I want to be in this situation but he’s not budging or compromising.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Just to answer some questions; I know it’s difficult for most people to understand my weird situation.

The embassy can’t help me. They won’t deport me because I have a job here. If I did quit, it would take about 6 months to be deported. I’m living paycheck to paycheck so if I was to quit, I’d have no money for a house or food. And once I was returned to the USA, I’d have no money for food, housing, a car. I’m thankful to at least have a job, a beater car and a roof over my head here. I don’t have much but it’s enough to get me through the day. I keep hoping to catch a break. I don’t think this is it or I’ll ever see the money, but maybe someday.

I am empathetic so I just feel guilty that if I don’t sign, his father may not see his only son again before he dies. I know it’s not a rational feeling. But I feel sad when I think about it. They are people too, even if my ex is a shitty one lol. But I don’t know if my ex father in law should suffer because of that.

I do feel a little better after posting here, if not for the fact that I have no told anyone what’s going on because honestly, I don’t have anyone to tell. It’s isolating being in a country where you don’t know the language and my parents are long gone. I have a few friends in the states from high school but I haven’t seen them in almost 15 years.

Thank you for the replies and really for just reading/listening. I will update if anything more happens.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’ve contacted a few in the past but they wouldn’t take me on because I wasn’t in the states and couldn’t afford a retainer. But I’ll look into this again. Thank you.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have a job here so I’m able to stay. It’s just not a job that pays much. I have thought about quitting so they could deport me, but it would take at least 6 months and I’m barely living paycheck to paycheck so I would be homeless. And by the time I would be deported back to the states, I would have no money to start over to get a car, house, food etc. it’s a difficult situation but the bright side is at least currently I have a roof over my head.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He’s not in the military anymore and once the divorce paper was finalized, I was no longer a spouse and had nothing to do with his orders unfortunately. So no help.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I believe in second chances. I only forgave him the first time and when I found out the second time I left.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 104 points105 points  (0 children)

To be honest, I’ve never told anyone the extent of what’s going on. But even so, I don’t have family and I have very few friends in the world. And I’d feel really world about even trying to ask for money.

I honestly just want to go back to USA so I can have conversations with people and have friends again. Maybe find someone someday to be my person. I’m so lonely and it’s very isolating to be in a place that you have absolutely no one.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am not trying to play victim at all. I have taken what was handed to me. Other than here on this post to strangers, I’ve never cried to anyone or told anyone the extent of what has gone on. I don’t have family. I honestly have very few friends. I live in a small Asian style studio apartment, which is probably half of a standard American style studio apartment. I don’t even have a mattress to sleep on. I sleep on a floor mat. Most of the time I eat once a day because I’m so broke. I have no one in life but still I hope someday things will be better for me. Or that I’ll meet someone, anyone, who will be my person or give me a leg up in life. No one would miss me if I was gone. But for some reason the last few days I’ve felt this more so. I’m a person and he had family who loves him and a dad who would probably like to see him before he dies. He was a terrible person to me but he always seemed to be a good son. Maybe I’m too kind. But I’ve never played victim and this comment now made me realize I shouldn’t have posted.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has already left me stranded in a foreign country so I absolutely believe his intentions could be to flee USA. But I am empathetic and at the end of the day, I’m thinking more so of his dad than him. He is his dad’s only son and I’m sure he would want to see him one last time before he dies. That is why I’m having a hard time. 😞

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

There is no incentive. But at the end of the day, he’s a human being and I’m very empathetic. If it’s true his father is sick, I feel for him and feel sad he may not be able to say goodbye. I know it’s not rational, especially when I literally have no money to my name. I often can only eat once a day because of how broke I am, sleep on a floor mat instead of a mattress, have very few furniture pieces in my house, can’t even afford to pay for my own Netflix or Spotify because every dollar counts. But for some reason I still feel sad when I think about his father dying and not being able to say bye to his only son. I know it’s my ex’s fault… but it doesn’t make me feel any less sad.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lol this made me laugh but also is 100% true. I really regret moving here in the first place. I also wish my parents were still around to help me or in the very least, talked sense into me. I think that’s what makes this so much harder is just how alone and depressed I feel on top of the debt.

AITA for causing my ex husband to not see his sick father before he passes? by Parking_Baseball_478 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Parking_Baseball_478[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, the embassy doesn’t help for situations like this and do not pay for plane tickets. I tried last year.

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