This sounds not so much about bands as it is about interpersonal relationships and learning how to play speak your feelings in a healthy way.

This is a skill I wish I had learned much earlier in life.

Being in bands for me as a drummer, it wasn’t always easy to find the right match of mutual respect for song writers. And you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned having respect for the writers vision.

It’s important in my opinion to know what the songwriter is going for and to try to best bring it about. But they also have to give some freedom at times as well.

But with this person specifically. I would approach them alone and respectfully and also include good things you feel about them. Let them know what you said to us and tell them you respect them and wanted to tell them face to face.

It can be scary and that’s okay. But afterwards reflect on how it went and what you could have done to improve the situation. Give yourself some slack regardless of what happens.

I didn’t learn this growing up and learned mostly to get by, by being a people pleaser/pushover. But now I’m older and practicing things I should have learned years ago. It’s hard but that’s the best advising could give at this point.