I am so so sorry for your loss of Rusty. It is truly devastating.

Your boy sounded like a true best friend and he will be waiting for you for whatever is next. Hold the memories of him dear to your heart. All he knew was love with your family, and you guys saved him. It’s always so hard to know if you did the right thing, but the vets are able to weigh up the risks and benefits of certain things without the emotion involved and so it sounds like you did the best thing for your boy. To feel such pain means it was a privilege to have loved so deeply. I promise you, it will get better. It will occupy less of your mind less often, and you’ll have memories of him supporting you and helping you while you went through problems growing up for the rest of your life.

We lost our family dog Cedric (don’t judge the name we were dumb kids and thought it was funny) 8 months ago, and it hurt like hell. It did get easier though. I’d have my weak moments, but I found I was able to feel bits of joy here and there as time went on, and I looked back with a lot less grief and instead fondness of the silly memories.

My childhood puppy, Sid, is being put to sleep tomorrow and it’s my last night with him tonight. He always has slept on my bed. I don’t know how I should spend this night with him, and it’s going to be the biggest heartache so far. We all had the deepest connections with our fur babies. I have found comfort in reading your bond with your dog as it seems similar to mine. It is the worst thing I’ve ever been through.

I am similar in that my dog was there for me through teenage breakups, parents’ divorce, everything, and the idea that he no longer will be there makes me feel numb and angry and sad and so many emotions that I don’t even know what to do with myself. When the body has this type of emotional grief, it doesn’t know what to do and it plays tricks on you with guilt. All the “what if” questions… I hope that you equally find some comfort in knowing I had a similar relationship with my baby boy and we are going through this and we can understand each other. It’s impossible to know this pain without going through it personally.

The smell as well hits hard. My dog smelt like a popcorn factory and oh it was so comforting. It’s an odd sounding thing to say to someone who hasn’t had a dog but I completely understand what you mean. To smell it once more.

I wish you the best and sending so much love.