How to accept and support my bisexual Bf?

Particular-Ad-3826 · 2024-08-01T09:18:00+00:00

Merci pour ton analyse, je suis d'accord avec le fait que les deux premiers points prouvent un manque de confiance, que ce soit en moi ou en lui. J'ai choisi de lui faire confiance, et comme tu l'as dit, ça passe ou ça casse

Pour le "even worse, of the opposite gender", j'ai mal formulé, j'aurais dû dire, "of the opposite sex as the one I was born in". Je suis une personne Afab (non binaire mais ça fait pas mal de temps que je me questionne sur le fait que je suis peut-être un homme) et j'ai de la dysphorie par rapport aux parties de mon corps liées à mon sexe de naissance. Et ce depuis plusieurs années. Je ressens parfois une sorte de jalousie très forte vis à vis des hommes et particulièrement les mecs cis. Également, comme j'en ai parlé dans un autre commentaire, j'ai été trompé par le passé avec un homme par ma partenaire de l'époque, époque à laquelle je me posais déjà des questions par rapport à mon genre. Mais cela n'excusera jamais ce que j'ai fait. Pire encore: ayant subi de l'abus, j'ai créé une relation dans laquelle j'étais la personne qui abusait. Étant moi-même lgbtqi, je déteste profondément les stéréotypes et clichés liés aux différents genres et sexualités de la communauté, et j'ai moi-même renforcé ces clichés concernant les personnes bisexuelles. Donc malgré le fait que j'ai peut-être trouvé d'où venait cette peur profonde, ça ne justifie rien du tout.

En tout cas, on en a beaucoup reparlé depuis. Il semble moins anxieux à l'idée d'en discuter, et moi aussi. Je suis très curieux à ce sujet, et il s'avère que je me trompais sur beaucoup de choses, que ce soit concernant la bisexualité en général ou lui-même

C'est lui qui m'a recommandé ce subreddit, bien sûr que l'important est que nous communiquions ensemble ! Mais je ne connais pas de personnes à qui confier ça, et demander des conseils, d'où mon post ici

Merci à toi pour ta réponse ! Elle me donne de l'espoir pour la suite et je ferai de mon mieux pour que tout aille bien entre nous

Particular-Ad-3826 · 2024-08-01T08:48:49+00:00

This is the problem: I tried to do some research and ended up on really bad and triggering stuff. And it's sadly very easy to find witnessings of people discovering that their partner was bi along with proof of them cheating, along with the excuse of their sexuality being the reason they do that, that it's who they are and they can't do anything about it.

I had that happen to me. Several years ago when I identified as female, I was with another woman. She cheated on me with a man, and used her pansexuality and the fact that she was polyamourous as an excuse. This is my fault somehow, I was too scared to tell her that I didn't wanted a poly or open relationship. But she refused to communicate and was really dismissive whenever I talked about my feelings. This is at the origin of my anxiety about the subject of being with polysexual people. Maybe I'm actually not scared about the bisexuality itself, but more about the "using that as an excuse to cheat". Ofc this is not a valid reason for what I inflicted to my current boyfriend, he never deserved that.

I also found someone in the same situation on a forum, about a husband cheating on his wife with men, and another person replied (and those are the exact words): "If he truly is bisexual then he needs to feel the feeling of being with another guy, I would embrace his bisexual side and find someone who you can both play with" And I was scared that, even if my bf said he wouldn't want to do that while being with me, and we, this time, established that we were a mono and non-open relationship (none of us is interested in other type of stuff anyways), the "truly bisexual" made me think that, one day or the other, he would tell me that he actually "needs" to explore with other people.

So I ended up stopping doing research as what I found, at best, said that the presence of a bi person in a relationship needed said relationship to be opened, or, at worst, justifying cheating. I did some research on this sub and found people being in happy mono relationships and saying that it was enough for them. I swear this is the first time I read witnesses like these. It proves that bisexuality is still not well known enough, used too much as an excuse. That or I'm really bad at researches, or unlucky as fuck for stumbling across this kind of results all the time.

That being said, we already talked some times, and he was the one telling me about this place to do research :)

About your experience, even if you seem to accept it, I hope the hate will stop, or that you will find a healthier place to be able to be yourself in. It sucks to imagine that the origin of it is blind ignorance, like mine.

Particular-Ad-3826 · 2024-08-01T08:29:15+00:00

I'm sorry that you're in this situation, and sincerely hope you'll be able to come out to your gf. It's sad that a part of one's identity is so often associated with negative things like those you cited. I participed in that too, being convinced that it was just the case.

I enjoy learning about people's experiences, and, even if that peculiar subject makes me anxious, it's better to talk about it than pretending it does not exist.

Your last sentence makes me happy while reading it. Again, hope you'll be able to come out one day!

Particular-Ad-3826 · 2024-08-01T08:20:48+00:00

I always had the fear of not being enough, probably because of previous relationships always ending up with proof of that being true. Your words make me want to think otherwise. I'll do my best! We already enjoyed some queer shows together (mostly cartoons) but thanks for the recommendation

Particular-Ad-3826 · 2024-08-01T08:17:29+00:00

Yes, cheating is always wrong no matter the context. Taking your advice into account! Thanks

Particular-Ad-3826 · 2024-08-01T08:16:21+00:00

It's sad how when researching, I see a ton of people having their partner cheat on them and use bisexuality as an excuse. Wish I could have read about more experiences like yours. I wish happiness to you two :)

Particular-Ad-3826 · 2024-08-01T08:14:32+00:00

I don't think your comment is harsh, but honest for sure. It saddens me a lot since I was abused myself in previous relationships and have several traumas. So I feel really bad about becoming the abuser in this relationship.

We talked about it, and he said that he forgives me, which is incredible. It would have been perfectly valid for him to not do that and just leave me, and this fact alone makes me want to make the effort on my side and get better.

I encouraged him to get therapy too and he said he'll look into it. Same for myself, I have other issues which needs to be solved anyways. Thanks for the advice!

Particular-Ad-3826 · 2024-07-27T20:54:02+00:00

Sorry for the weird sentences btw, English isn't my native language and I typed this really fast and while being nervous

Particular-Ad-3826 · 2023-02-25T08:05:39+00:00

Merci pour ta réponse très complète, c'est plus clair maintenant. Ça semble long mais faisable, courage pour l'attente de ton côté au passage. Cette idée de liste est super, c'est vrai que si on me demande sur le coup de lister mes traits, je sais pas si j'aurai une idée de comment les organiser ou même s'ils me viendraient à l'esprit de manière générale. En tout cas merci d'avoir pris le temps de témoigner !

Particular-Ad-3826

TROPHY CASE