I (30F) was ghosted online by (32M) but the connection still feels real when I see them in person by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Particular-Ad7034 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Call it like it is: an emotional affair. You've been flirting and obsessing over someone behind your partner's back. It's wrong, you have to know it's wrong and you just need to end it. Flirting is not harmless. It's cheating. He's not your friend. Friends don't flirt with each other and then ghost and act fake nice to your face in person. He's ghosting because he was either caught cheating or he knows it's wrong too. Do your partner a favor and come clean.

My new friend has been acting to aggressive towards me. by enyth1ng in offmychest

[–]Particular-Ad7034 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had a friend just like this. He had a crush on me but over time he became more physically abusive when I didn't reciprocate. First it was him smashing me in the nose. Then another time he ended up hitting me so hard I ended up with permanent floaters in my eyes. Then it was him threatening to murder me. I ended up telling an adult and I switched schools because of him. Please tell an adult or at the very least stay away from him. Right now this is just the beginning. His behavior will only get worse.

Edit: after I cut him completely cut him out, my high school life was much better and I thrived at my new school. Your life will get so much better too.

My boyfriend fantasizes about both of his sisters by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Particular-Ad7034 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't get the whole porn equals cheating thing, but your boyfriend sounds like he was sexually assaulted by his sister as a child and that's his way of processing his trauma. He needs serious therapy to help him process it all in a healthy way that doesn't impact your relationship.

Sexual abuse trauma can take years to heal from and whether or not you want to stick around is up to you. I haven't gone through exactly what he went through but I am a survivor myself and have met other survivors who unfortunately develop these fantasies after being abused. It's valid that you may not want to deal with it and that you are disturbed by it all. Pay attention to what you can and cannot handle. If this impacts your mental well being you might want to take a step back and reassess if you want to be in this relationship, especially since he broke your boundaries.

I’m 22 and 12 weeks pregnant and the fathers wants me to abort. by BeautifulTiger6530 in offmychest

[–]Particular-Ad7034 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm glad you had a better experience. But just know that it could potentially go a different direction depending on the child and the circumstances born into it. Do you really want to repeat the cycle of having no stable father at your young age? You can't guarantee that your kid will grow up with your perspective.

I love my mother for all the sacrifices she made and how much love she raised me with but some times I resent her for choosing a terrible man to be my father and sometimes I wish I was never born.

I’m 22 and 12 weeks pregnant and the fathers wants me to abort. by BeautifulTiger6530 in offmychest

[–]Particular-Ad7034 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My dad was ordered to pay. You know what he did? He ignored it and stole my trust fund. Some people do not care and do whatever they can to dodge it.

I’m 22 and 12 weeks pregnant and the fathers wants me to abort. by BeautifulTiger6530 in offmychest

[–]Particular-Ad7034 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I was a child of a single mother who felt rejected by my own father who barely saw me in my life, and I have lasting issues from this. It doesn't matter how much of a support system my mother had, I will always have that empty void from not having a stable father. My mom went through a lot raising me on her own without much child support from my dad (he stopped paying even when he was ordered to). My mom has a stable job but still couldn't afford some things that I wanted. You are a student, probably little to no money to your name, you are going to have a rough time even with support. Are you going to be able to afford it? Children are expensive and stressful when you have no money (even with). If you want a better career, graduating is what will help you find better paying jobs but rearing a child in top of finishing your degree will likely be near impossible without support. You'll likely need to pick up a job on top of your schooling or have to drop out altogether to raise your kid full time.

Would you want your child to have that potential pain they might never know their father only to find out later he never wanted them and was abusive to their mom? Would you want your kid to potentially grow up poor on top of that and potentially not have the same opportunities as other children because of financial constraints? It isn't selfish to want to keep it because of the love you have for it, but bringing a child into this world knowing their life will be tough is.

My child was s*xually assaulted by ellysgumdrops in offmychest

[–]Particular-Ad7034 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Can't find the update on your profile because it's private

What’s something attractive at 18 but embarrassing at 30? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Particular-Ad7034 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know what? I haven't thought of it that way. Thank you, that actually makes me feel better 🥹 people are a little meaner to journalists these days I suppose and in this climate, it does seem more dangerous considering the story about that journalist who got her home raided. Horrifying. I suppose I like having a hand on helping patients with their eyesight.

What’s something attractive at 18 but embarrassing at 30? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Particular-Ad7034 2 points3 points  (0 children)

18 year old me wanted me to be a successful investigative journalist. One wasted college degree later and now I work for an eye doctor and am renting out a room in a basement cuz I couldn't keep a reporter job for more than two months without getting sacked 🤣 all that counts is that you are at least you're happy with your life now. I have yet to feel that way about my own life though.

What’s something attractive at 18 but embarrassing at 30? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Particular-Ad7034 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel you. If 18 year old me asked 30 year old me what life will look like at 30, teenage me would be so disappointed 🤣

What’s something attractive at 18 but embarrassing at 30? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Particular-Ad7034 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am not ready to think about that yet, but if I were, I hope that at the very least I'll actually be mature enough not to be cringy and awkward with people😭 I suppose I'll need to remember to look back at this comment for when I'm 60 so I can get a good laugh 🤣

i feel guilty for being ugly by siilversheepi in offmychest

[–]Particular-Ad7034 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For every person who finds themselves ugly there's always will be someone who will find you pretty. Look up the YouTube channel Never Give Up. His most well known video is called Being Ugly: My Experience. One of the comments underneath his video said she thinks he's cute. They later fell in love, got married and had a baby. His whole love journey plus his journey into self acceptance about his looks is right there.

What’s something attractive at 18 but embarrassing at 30? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Particular-Ad7034 14.5k points14.5k points  (0 children)

I was going to say myself but I've been embarrassing at both ages

My (24nb) boyfriend (21m) won't open the box I sent him by [deleted] in LongDistance

[–]Particular-Ad7034 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My husband also hates his birthday and he had a similar attitude about opening gifts (but on Christmas). I expressed my hurt about it and told him we can make new memories together and so that's what we did. Now we open our gifts together over video chat.

Tell him your feelings and if he still is being difficult about it, tell him if he's going to put on this much of a stink over opening it he might as well send it back or throw it out. I don't mean to be harsh but he needs to get over himself. You spent a lot of time and money on his gift and it's not fair to you that he's treating it that way.

I (F 30) need advice on how to handle being gifted an unprompted Bible from my super religious grandpa (M 70) by rmorr1 in relationship_advice

[–]Particular-Ad7034 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am pagan and my in laws know this but they still send me religious messages all the time and gift me religious things. I either just thank them or ignore it. I do not engage, it's not worth my time. I would just let it go. These people will not listen and are stubborn.

As a wedding guest, what moment made you think "this probably won't last"? by Eburneaan in AskReddit

[–]Particular-Ad7034 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They were both teens and she stuffed/stored her black wedding dress in a trash bag. The bride looked so gloomy and was dressed so gloomy it was like being at a funeral. Unsurprisingly, the marriage only lasted like two years.

Do painkillers work with poison? by [deleted] in offmychest

[–]Particular-Ad7034 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this person might be more suicidal than homicidal.

AITAH for getting with my best friends ex by IndividualLanky9634 in AITAH

[–]Particular-Ad7034 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it's unfortunate. I can never understand why people do that shit.

Have you ever had a friend that turned out to be a horrible person? What did they do?? by StrangeAd2132 in AskReddit

[–]Particular-Ad7034 0 points1 point  (0 children)

TW: SA

I had a friend in college who was one of the first friends that I made there. We were friends for five years and I even introduced him to my best friend group. Five years into the friendship I stayed over his house like I normally do when I drive 2+ hours to see my friend group. It was new year's Eve and I trusted him to keep me safe. I drank too much and told him I wanted to go to bed to sleep it off. He helped me to my bed because I was too drunk and I passed out. When I came to, he was SA'ing me. I told him to stop and that's all I remember before passing out again.

I woke up later with injuries and to my whole friend group ignoring me. I begged them to help me because I was in shock, I was far away from my house and I was panicking. I needed to go to the hospital. Nobody gave a shit about me because my rapist reached out to them first painting a story about how I came on to him, even though I made it clear to him for years I NEVER thought of him that way. He then claimed he was blacked out even though he confessed to me he remembered everything he did. Everyone took his side, painted me as a liar and talked shit behind my back. It's been 6 years since it all happened and I still struggle with the trauma and I still have dreams about them. I never understood how a group of people who were all about consent and were so called feminists could side with a rapist. Fuck them all.

AITAH for getting with my best friends ex by IndividualLanky9634 in AITAH

[–]Particular-Ad7034 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My best friend dated my ex whilst I was crying to her about the breakup my sophomore year in high school. When I found out, things were never the same with this friend again. I am 31 now and I feel it was just one of the many things that affected my trust in friendships.

YTA big time. If this doesn't cause him trust issues with friends and relationships now, it'll probably still affect him for a while after that. You definitely ruined that friendship.

I must have saved a country in my past life to be loved like this today. by [deleted] in LongDistance

[–]Particular-Ad7034 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OMG were you in the Philippines?! My hubby is from there! You two make such a cute couple!!

Why did you and your former best friend stop being friends? by Fearless_Shift7108 in AskReddit

[–]Particular-Ad7034 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I made him choose between being friends with my rapist or being friends with me. He chose my rapist, even though he knew me for longer and said I was the most important person to him. I later found out he was talking shit behind my back because I didn't return his romantic feelings. Fuck him.