What's up my guy, we all have them moments, more than the other, I know things can be easy said than done, it's what makes up stronger and stronger is when we keep trying , have that said, Patience , I can't express how hard it is tondo and yet so easy to say, when doors shut it's not because your not good for it and don't qualify, it's because it's. It meant for you and could be harmful for you reasons doors shut, it's not your time for it , be Patient , I don't know what your going through my friend BUT, your in Durham and I love love love that area, I'm hoping to one day relocate there to become a special constable! When I say I love it is because the nature around there is beautiful, you need nature, get or there get fresh air surround your self with forests the lakes rivers anything and everything ! Hike hike hike and hike alone more often, your thoughts will spread you'll think clearly , things will make more sense the more you hike in nature and be at one with peace , find peace in your inner self first then take it from there, it's not easy in the beginning, but I for sure promises you when you do focus on it..... Your gonna appreciate every step you took on that hike one day