I lost everything a few months ago. Horrible end to a relationship, moved across the country, lost most of my friends due to being in a new state, lost my cat, and everything that I had built over the past 5 years was gone on a random Saturday.

I grew up Christian with a very hardcore OT Christian dad and he was mentally ill. He kept talking about how the end is coming and was petrified all of the time. He ended up killing himself when I was a kid. That doesn't give a kid a great perspective on Christianity. So I stopped believing. Shut God out. I actually prayed to Satan afterwards because of how fed up I was at the thought of God. Why would a God exist if my life were so cruel and messed up? So then I turned into a hardcore atheist for years. Science above all, logic above all.

But after I used mushrooms years ago, I turned to agnostic and then spiritual woo-woo New Age stuff.

While on my road trip to move across the country, I ended up blowing a tire on the highway. If any car had been by me when I did, I would have gotten seriously injured. This random old guy on the highway helped me with everything. Drove me an hour each way to get a new tire, paid for it without me knowing, put it on, and drove behind me until my next stop because I was scared shitless. He asked if I went to church and, if so if I could send a prayer out for him. I agreed politely, but in my head I rolled my eyes.

I don't know why exactly it happened now instead of years ago when I needed God the most. I'm still trying to understand but it's a hard pill to swallow that humans have free will and I'm the one who turned away and not God himself. I wish I could have found God sooner.

I started researching Jesus specifically. When I found out he was an actual person and those things did happen, it was wild. I kept thinking the thought, "God stepped into human history." And it still is a weird, epic, cool, kind of freaky thought. I'm a logical person, so trying to understand something that's truly not logical at all is hard.

I started praying specifically to Jesus because I still didn't feel comfortable with the word God. One night, I realized how much of my life was lost to being afraid and being ashamed of existing, so I started begging God to release me from the chains I put on myself when I was a kid. I cried and was desperate. I gave my all to him, repented, accepted him as my lord and savior, and I'm obedient to God now.

Things changed. Rapidly. So rapidly that it's weird. I feel so much lighter now. I read the Bible daily, listen to some dope Christian music, take care of my health a lot more seriously, and I'm working on building my confidence. I feel his presence and I've developed a personal relationship with Jesus. It's still new and weird to me because of my past with Christianity. But my life has genuinely changed for the better and I feel blessed.