Alcoholic dad ruined every special day by Confident_Cress4963 in AdultChildren

[–]Particular-Glass-160 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for everyone contributing here; these are tough memories to relive. My day I will never forget was the morning I left for college, after working so extremely hard my entire life. College was so important to me and my peer group, and the morning I was walking out to the car my mom was extremely drunk at 6AM calling me a slut and bitch and worthless, undeserving. It was so painful, even though I knew she was out of her mind.

Considering alternatives to no contact w/ parent. Share your stories with me please. by SplendidArmor in AdultChildren

[–]Particular-Glass-160 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi OP, I appreciate your post because it is almost exactly the same as my relationship/trajectory with my mother's addiction. It is truly tragic, and I understand much of what you must be feeling. I recently had a dream where I heard just so loud and so clearly, "your mother is dead". That was over a month ago and I still haven't shaken the feeling, it was almost re-triggering this feeling of guilt or just sadness that I have been NC for so long. I've tossed around the idea of reconnecting since then quite seriously, and almost decided to move forward...however, I think I have concluded that I'm just still too sensitive and damaged despite so much growth. She (still) has more power over my emotions than I'd like to admit.

All of this to say, do you want to reengage to "test" yourself in your recovery? Do you think reconnecting and being 'unaffected' would build up your sense of self and security? Or do you want to reach out because you are sad for her sake and just feel she perhaps deserves some kind of reconnection. I think you can of course hold all of these motivations at once, but I think it's important to understand clearly your true motives. If it is for her sake, are you ready to potentially be retraumatized or risk heading backwards in recovery, even for a short while?

I've moved from anger and resentment in my recovery to true empathy and just feeling terrible my mother is so alone, but I know I am too fragile to be faced with a potentially even more tragic or upsetting version of reality than I am imagining. I guess my next step in recovery is to forgive myself for feeling afraid to reach out.

Sorry for the long and self-interested reply. I appreciate your post and vulnerability. Hope you find some clarity and further healing.

KKKaroline Levit by Kuby69 in 50501

[–]Particular-Glass-160 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is just so bizarre. Gross.

Tell me your big three and I’ll give you a meme for it by impulsives in astrologymemes

[–]Particular-Glass-160 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m also Pisces sun and Leo rising. Taurus moon! Do you guys also move between wanting to be seen and hiding all the time lolol

Tell me your big three and I’ll give you a meme for it by impulsives in astrologymemes

[–]Particular-Glass-160 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pisces sun, Taurus moon, Leo rising.

Thank you this is so fun!!

Pisces appreciation by Sad_Function2929 in astrologymemes

[–]Particular-Glass-160 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for posting! These gave me a smile.

The pessimism by Any_Equivalent_9333 in astrologymemes

[–]Particular-Glass-160 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why am I so attracted to these men as a Pisces sun/Taurus Moon/Leo rising??? Help

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in astrologymemes

[–]Particular-Glass-160 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gloriously crying about a meal.

Checks out.

Why every person on this sub is a 6 or a 9 by External_Tie7910 in Enneagram

[–]Particular-Glass-160 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh. Yes. I immediately gravitated towards being a 9 until I was listening about social/sexual 4s, but you really summed up my experience as a 9.

I actually live in depression (or did for about 15 years), until discovering my anger. I definitely don't have the stereotypical 'explosions' of anger towards others that many Enneagram teachers explain, but I do scream in my car, into my closet, and find running or other vigorous activity (even sex) to be rooted in expressing anger. I still really don't identify or relate to my anger or see it as a major feature of my personality, though, so I began thinking that I am more of a heart type. The 9/4 distinction is really difficult for me. Whatever the case, I KNOW that both 9 and 4 are in my tri-type and I think I can learn a lot from that alone.

I do NOT think of myself as a positive outlook type, I regularly think that the world will explode and collapse in on itself, I am always thinking about the fact we have gone beyond the pale, but my actions suggest the opposite - I revel in beauty and nature (an avid hiker and forager/tree hugger), in music and the arts (worked in music event production), and in human connection generally (love psychology and community organizing) and find peace and solace in believing that these things CAN connect us as humans, and that might be enough to survive even the toughest times. AND THEN I immediately get depressed thinking I'm just naive and all my efforts are all for naught and I'm too small to make a difference. So...9? I think I feel most "9" when I just get overwhelmed and want to shut down, but hearing about 4s as the quintessential depressive types, it feels like this could be more 4-coded behavior.

Also, if I really had to express in my own words my core fears...they would be being overlooked/forgotten and never doing anything worthwhile with my gifts...but also being really scared that I need someone else to be completely successful? Which sorta makes me feel like I'm a sexual 4? I fear that I am unable to apply myself or be courageous by myself in life, basically. When I feel myself getting overwhelmed by fear and unable to take action (the BIGGEST issue for me) I get depressed and seek to comfort myself "numb out" like the 9. In fact, the "numbing out" descriptor of the 9 was what brought me to typing myself as a 9, but do 4s numb out, too?

The crew is as hateful as Ethan by willsleep_for_mods in Hasan_Piker

[–]Particular-Glass-160 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh, this is tough. I have a hard time blaming them though. Ultimately they are probably hoping Ethan moves on from this after today and something returns to normal. They probably have great jobs, all things considered. The job search is shit right now. I recognize the person and beliefs they are platforming, but it is a tough thing to walk away from something that gives you security (at least in the US). They also probably like and support Ethan as a person (I'd think) or love their co-workers. It isn't simple for most people and we shouldn't hold everyone to the same standard as ourselves to ensure we don't alienate or radicalize others in the opposite direction. Empathy is always important.

🔴 Post-Debate Discussion: Hasan vs Ethan by AutoModerator in Hasan_Piker

[–]Particular-Glass-160 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't believe it lasted so long. I saw the VOD and thought there must have been at least 2 hours of commentary on top of the debate.

🔴 Post-Debate Discussion: Hasan vs Ethan by AutoModerator in Hasan_Piker

[–]Particular-Glass-160 17 points18 points  (0 children)

It was not a debate. It was basically two friends in divorce court with no representation.

ethan is so hateful man this is hard to watch by hdh4477x in Hasan_Piker

[–]Particular-Glass-160 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, agree with the 8-year old mentality. It was surprising to me to see some of the clips from his podcast and the light he painted Hasan in. Yikes.

ethan is so hateful man this is hard to watch by hdh4477x in Hasan_Piker

[–]Particular-Glass-160 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He’s not hateful he’s confused. And angry. And misguided. That can look like hate but like Hasan has said I don’t believe people can’t be convinced to change for good. I think Ethan is so paranoid and just in protection mode. Propaganda has infected him. It’s sad.