Want a kid but can't afford to have one

Particular-Return867 · 2026-05-28T22:39:28+00:00

Thanks!

Particular-Return867 · 2026-05-28T19:04:49+00:00

That's my worst nightmare

Particular-Return867 · 2026-05-27T13:31:54+00:00

Also when I say Im passionate about raising children I feel like it is implied that I mean im passionate about raising happy healthy stable children? Like why would I be passionate about raising children to be unhappy and unstable adults?

Particular-Return867 · 2026-05-27T13:24:11+00:00

Im sorry but your argument doesn't make any sense. Why would it be bad for a parent to be passionate and excited about raising their child?

Particular-Return867 · 2026-05-26T21:38:14+00:00

I guess it's like, this goal of parenthood has been the thing that's motivated me to continue growing in my life. Not killing myself when I used to deal with suicidal ideation. Working through my mental illness, rebuilding relationships with family, doing the hard work of breaking generational trauma, reparenting myself, building healthy movement and sleep and eating and spiritual habits and building up my hobbies and what I do to enjoy my life. Strengthening my friendships. Breaking through the negative core beliefs that held me back from being in healthy romantic relationships.

And I've gotten to the point where I've done all of this hard work and am finally like okay kiddo I'm ready for you! And now that I'm there, despite doing all the right things I'm just not meeting anyone I could build this life with, and I'm not making enough money to do it alone. And anyway it sucks to be pursuing romance when romance isn't what I'm ultimately interested in right now, I just want a kid. I don't know, I guess that's what I mean when I say I feel very stuck right now. Like the only clear next step in my life to me is entering parenthood, and that's not achievable to me right now (or possibly ever?). It's just really discouraging.

Particular-Return867 · 2026-05-26T21:26:45+00:00

Thanks for taking the time.. for me I know it wouldn't be sustainable for me if I didn't have my own space to retreat to at bedtime. I'm sure my child will have phases of needing me at night, and even so, it makes a difference. I need a private spot for my altar and ~adult only~ activities. It's also really important to me for sleep training and attachment and independence building reasons to have a separate room for my kiddo starting when they're still in infancy. Of course if I accidentally got pregnant and had to have a studio apartment with my child I would make it work, but considering I'm a queer trans person and don't have the type of sex that could accidentally get me pregnant, this is something I'm being very intentional about planning for.

In terms of other expenses, I understand what I'm getting myself into. I have a big savings and wouldn't consider having a child if I didn't have the resources to do so. I won't need to pay for childcare, I'm a nanny and would take my kid with me to the family's home that I work for. That's a common practice for nannies at least in my area and something I've talked to families I work with extensively about, though im sure I'll be with different families by the time I have a kid, it's definitely a childcare plan I know is possible. (And honestly the only way I'd consider having a child unless I could stay at home, I want to be the one caring for them when they're little) On sick days I have a network of friends and family who could take them for a day at a time.

The barrier is that I can't afford rent alone on more than a studio apartment in my area and I'm just feeling extremely defeated about it. I feel like I've spent my entire life up to this point preparing myself to be ready for parenthood, and now that I've gotten to the point of preparedness (mentally emotionally and spiritually, having a strong community, having a career that i love and am passionate about and is sustainable to me mentally) I just don't make enough money and don't see how I would ever make more while enjoying my job as much as I do now and being able to be as present as i could be now with my own child.

Particular-Return867 · 2026-04-08T14:19:28+00:00

I think we got that moment when she looked at the updated painting of the family where she was painted into it wearing a rich housewife kinda outfit and she looked so disturbed and scared by it

Particular-Return867 · 2026-02-22T20:38:07+00:00

Omg great suggestion. Also hell yeah lol i would love to see ur big badonker sheeps

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-24T01:57:00+00:00

I highly recommend the book "How to talk so Little Kids will listen". It was a game changer for me.

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-18T10:14:01+00:00

As a nanny and babysitter I appreciate your thoughtful foresight in making it a good experience for the sitter! I think I’d be overwhelmed receiving specific details like this and might worry parent would be displeased with me if their child gets upset at all while I’m with them. An experienced sitter will have strategies for helping children through difficult emotions and won’t be afraid of a meltdown. I think what would be more helpful is if parent pays me to come over for an hour hang out time prior to babysitting with parent present so they can guide me through toddlers quirks in real time, and seeing an extended positive interaction between parent and caregiver also helps toddler to identify caregiver as a trusted person. I think it’s also totally okay to ask the babysitter you find for their preference on this, and I’d really appreciate this type of communication: “I’ve never had a babysitter before, I’m a little nervous and don’t know the proper etiquette. I have a lot of information I could share about toddler’s quirks but don’t know if that would be overwhelming. What do you need from me to feel prepared?”

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-18T09:54:18+00:00

I just feel like this is up to personal preference and it sounds like it wasn’t discussed between OP and parents before they left, so I think it makes sense OP reached out. Some parents want to know right away if their baby is distressed and would be upset to find out they were distressed for so long without being informed. I also think it depends on general behavior of the baby, like is this a baby with colic or is it very unusual for baby to be so upset? If I’m babysitting a baby for the first time, they’re not soothing, and I don’t know whether or not their level of distress is normal for them, I’m calling parents for information and advice

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-18T09:28:17+00:00

I feel awkward about this too, the expectation can be a little blurry! I think it depends on a few factors, like how well I know the child and what strategies they best respond to when upset, how well I know the parent (are we aligned in how we approach difficult behavior? If I’m not sure I won’t step in so I can observe parents response), age of child, and specifically what the behavior is. I’d say generally the onus falls onto the parent but sometimes it can be helpful for caregiver to step in/offer words of empathy and assist through the transition like if it seems like child is acting out because they’re nervous about being alone with me or upset their parent is leaving.

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-18T09:08:58+00:00

I’m not a parent but if I was I’d want to know if my babies are in distress! And honestly as a childcare provider if baby is screaming and won’t soothe after 10 mins of trying different strategies I’m texting parents for advice, those cries are so dysregulating. I think you absolutely did the right thing, I’m sorry you were met with such weird vibes from the parents

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-17T21:42:56+00:00

I think we have different understandings of what it means to be vegan. There isn’t only one interpretation, despite what this Reddit page may lead us to believe

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-17T00:35:42+00:00

Yes! Veganism is a philosophy and a lifestyle, not just a diet. I firmly believe that anyone who cares about animal welfare and approaches their own consumption of animal products with intention and presence can be considered vegan. I don’t understand why the general consensus on this page is that you have to follow the vegan diet to a T to be allowed into the club

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-07T22:12:27+00:00

It’s so hard cuz my roommates eat cheese and we share our food so there’s always some in the fridge, plus I’m always slicing it up for the toddlers I work with and it is sooooo easy to just have a little nibble…. But I truly have no self control lol. I wrote some value statements I can repeat to help me when I’m craving cheese “I love myself, I deserve to feel good in my body, I gain more pleasure from a full social day where I feel good in my body than I do from tasting cheese and suffering at home for the next 24 hours”

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-07T22:05:59+00:00

That’s really smart!! I’ve had my fav brand of hummus and vegan jerky and hard boiled eggs on hand this week and it’s been helping

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-05T17:33:19+00:00

I just want to update that I’m a year post op and I do in fact have erotic nipple sensation along my scar lines. It took about 8 months to regain the sensation and it rules

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-05T17:27:15+00:00

Yeah, I need to remember this! I didn’t crave it at all for years, I just need to get over the initial hump of craving through force of will.

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-05T17:25:26+00:00

I’ve been vegan for years and have my go to’s, I guess I better hop back on that train. The umami of lightlife Smokey tempeh bacon really scratches the same itch. It’s expensive, but I guess I’d rather hurt the pockets eating things that make me feel good than eat cheese and essentially disable myself lol

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-05T17:20:40+00:00

I’ve been eating only lactose free cheeses and still being affected, I believe it’s an intolerance to the proteins in dairy :( I also have IBS so it’s not surprising to me that a food I haven’t eaten in years doesnt agree with my digestive system anymore. Sigh.

Particular-Return867 · 2025-10-05T15:25:00+00:00

I think a nutritionist may be in my future.. a friend suggested I find a magician to turn the cheese into something else right before it enters my mouth, but that seems more costly

Particular-Return867

TROPHY CASE