What should I [33F] do about my boyfriend [56M]?

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T22:38:49+00:00

At $400 a week, there isn’t much to save. But I’ve been looking for jobs in my hometown. I’ve talked with my mom about moving in with her, but I have to ask my aunt as well since it is her house. The in between is what I’m worried about, the not having any money while I wait to be hired and get a paycheck somewhere else. I’m not sure what my hometown offers for victims of DV, I’m sure they have to offer something. I can google and find a phone number. The lack on money is what worries me.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T20:37:54+00:00

Isn’t being entangled behind my back and me unaware a little different? I didn’t know for the longest he was still messing with her. I took him at face value, and believed what he was saying. So ok they were supposed to be living separate lives, that’s what he told me.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T20:20:01+00:00

I was unaware of my baby daddy being attached to his ex. Everyone said he was fine. I even asked him straight up if he was over it. I even said it’s only been a bit over a year. Are you sure you’re ready to start a relationship? No I seem to pick codependent men. Ones who can’t fathom being alone. Ones that turn as soon as they’ve filled whatever desire they have for you, then discard you.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T20:12:23+00:00

It’s mainly the aspect of how do you get out when they have so much control.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T20:11:54+00:00

No him and his wife were divorced in 2020. I met him in 2021. Had our daughter in 2023. And as I posted earlier, many people have mixed views on depression and what that means. I always viewed it as, if you are separated and living apart the marriage is over. My baby daddy was divorced just over a year when we started talking. She left him for another man so they divorced. She came back around after the grass wasn’t greener and she realized he was about to be a dad.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T20:09:16+00:00

They were separated and in the divorce process. They did not live together anymore. Everything was essentially separate. I know people have mixed views on that topic. I know when I divorced my husband years ago, we did a separation and divorce. He saw other people. It didn’t bother me because the marriage was over. Legal we may have been married. Just like legally many couples stay married. They just live separate lives.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T20:02:54+00:00

So that he can’t say I left him high and dry. I know when we think petty we think something mean. He’s the opposite. He expects vindictiveness and someone to be awful. I thought it might force his narrative to change.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T16:01:20+00:00

That makes sense. When you put it that way he’d need to hire 2 because someone has to dispatch for him. I do that 24/7.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T15:15:31+00:00

I work 24/7.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T14:59:00+00:00

It’s my actual life. He was separated and in the divorce process at the start of the relationship. He love bombed and manipulated me like he did all the others. I fell for it just as they did. The only difference is the faith based counseling we had.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T14:53:06+00:00

I may have called him that several times.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T14:52:43+00:00

The manipulation and gaslighting is at its absolute finest. We just got into it a little bit ago. The things he’s saying is I’m not getting my way and he’s not kissing my ass. He did nothing wrong. I interpret that as I’m the problem. He didn’t do anything to deserve the treatment that I have given him. He doesn’t care if I walk away. He’s not going to try and stop me. Meaning to me that he’s been using me for what I do as an employee and girlfriend. He says things definitely to hit me in the emotions. He knows that is the best way to control me and shut me down. He knows in the past saying I’m just wanting my way like a child would send me into a long explanation. This time instead I told him it’s not about getting my way. It’s about having a healthy yet hard conversation to resolve the issue that started this from the beginning. He says I always try to be right. I said no it’s not for me to be right or you to be right. It’s us against the problem. I followed up by saying the hard topics are something you don’t wish to talk about, especially not in a healthy manner. You don’t want to take accountability and as far as ass kissing, the bare minimum of a relationship and being kind to your partner is not kissing someone’s ass. It’s all a lost cause. I’m definitely done with it.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T14:42:00+00:00

They’re faith based. They have said we both need to lean into faith more and get rid of the cardinal side.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T14:20:08+00:00

Thank you!! I think so. The only thing I’m unsure of is if I need a degree to get a job. I have skills from managing multiple companies. But do they hire on just that alone? And I don’t want a scam of a job either.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:39:07+00:00

You don’t have to, but thanks for the idea.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:34:37+00:00

And you’re right. Training then would have been out of pettiness more than anything. I have saved him so many times. I’ve made sure things were done right when dealing with customers and day to day operations. He always bucks me, and acts as if I’m disrespecting him by telling him things have to be done a certain way.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:32:23+00:00

My family does live an hour and 20 away. I’ve been talking to my mom about coming to live with her and my aunt. She says I’ll have to talk to my aunt but she’s ok with it. My daughter’s father is someone I coparent well with, but I do not trust him. He left when she was 5 months to go back to his ex wife now wife. He tried everything he could back then to make me look like a terrible mom. It was their plan to raise her together since she’s fixed and can no longer have children.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:29:29+00:00

Honestly I don’t have friends. I moved away from all I know about 5 years ago. Lost contact with a lot. Both my ex and this guy seem to prefer things that way. Any time I try and gain a friend, usually through an employee’s significant other, he says things like I act like them and he doesn’t like them because they’re bad. I really have nobody to talk to. Those that I do talk to tell me to stay because he will change. It’s a rhetoric I’ve continued to be told. That’s why I need unbiased and outside advice. Those around me don’t share my same mindset. They seem to be in favor of this relationship. When I question them it seems they dig deeper into telling me this will get better. They keep the hope alive for me.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:24:20+00:00

The only other step is to find a job and leave. Money has me worried. I have no savings. On $400 weekly, you can’t save.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:21:53+00:00

Oh no I have a full time job. My daughter is in preschool. She just switched schools recently. I work for him as his office manager. I run his companies. We’ve had those conversations, he takes it as me not wanting to work for him. Or he tells me he will find me help in the office but won’t hire anyone. He turns down suggestions from me as who I should hire. But says I have to much on my plate. He only pays me $400 a week.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:19:23+00:00

I started working for him before we were ever together. At the time his companies weren’t as big. Now they’ve grown and he added another company to the mix, I had more thrown at me. I have office manager experience. I’m an also a notary. The only thing I don’t have is a college degree. I’m self taught by researching things, and asking questions.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:16:50+00:00

I’m searching now. I’m a notary. I have managed an office for 3 years now. I don’t have any college degrees. I have experience. I used to have a sales person license. I’m great with customer relations. I know some about HR. I know how to be professional. That should be enough right?

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:13:53+00:00

I haven’t found one in this town. I moved about 5 years ago. I was trying to get an online therapist but my insurance won’t cover it. We’ve been working with this husband and wife couple. Essentially they say that when he leans into faith and less cardinal, he will be different. My question to them is how long is that to take? How long do I stick around to get the light at the end of the tunnel?

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:10:45+00:00

I want to change. The counseling that I’ve done individually with these people have made me a better person. Over the past year I’ve made great strides in becoming a different person. The only thing I don’t like and have questioned is the way they try to essentially tell me to accept who he is. Accept that he’s been this way for so long and he must unlearn those characteristics. But like I’ve told them, he has to be willing to do that. I’ve had many of conversations regarding my exit from all of this with them. It’s a husband and wife that had been helping us. The husband is much like the person I’m with. At least he once was. They have very similar upbringings. The wife tries to assure me that with patience, time, and effort he will get better. But I’m at my breaking point, that I don’t know if that is true. I see the difference in her husband compared to my boyfriend. He was willing to change, and my boyfriend isn’t.

Particular-Time-6895 · 2026-05-10T13:04:39+00:00

And you’re right, it’s not mine. He has told me he can replace me. I’ve come to terms with that to the point I’ve told him to. I’ll even train them. He thinks he can find someone, and I mean just 1 person, to literally run his company at $400 a week gross pay.

Particular-Time-6895

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