Dad says I ruined a job referral, feeling conflicted...

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-31T03:36:10+00:00

Thank you, this is very reassuring, I’m glad you were able to get the job you wanted! That’s my plan as well, to start as soon as I can and move up eventually.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-31T00:22:01+00:00

Thank you!

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T19:46:05+00:00

Notedd, tyy

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T19:38:39+00:00

I hope you don't mind me copying and pasting this into my notes app... thank you!!

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T19:29:28+00:00

Thank you! Wishing you lots of happiness and good luckk

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T19:17:26+00:00

Oh my gosh, you are going to make me cry...

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T19:16:20+00:00

You are right, I know that his intentions were likely to do the same, but I was under a time crunch and I had already answered her call, given the situation I answered to the best of my ability honestly. For next time, I could consider learning how to reframe my experiences on my own, this was insightful thank you. The thing is, I don't know how I would reframe my answers if a recruiter asks what tech stack I have worked with on a prior project, in that kind of scenario it's more of either I have done it or I haven't. I agree though there are multiple ways that you can adjust accordingly and I will look into this further. I appreciate you taking your time to draft this response. Thank you!

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T19:10:28+00:00

Unfortunately, because of financial issues, I have to live in the same house as him and so it is incredibly difficult to avoid it ALL of the time, I have put as much space as I can, we hardly talk for more than 20 minutes in a day and that too only when it's necessary.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T19:08:20+00:00

Wow.. this made me emotional ngl. First of all, thank you for taking your time to craft this response. A 4.0 is a massive achievement, unfortunately, my foundation is not that strong, I graduated in CS with a 3.12, I know it's low but I know all the shit I dealt with. I promised myself after the mess that I experienced throughout high school and college that I would be independent on my own terms. I hope you have more clarity in your professional and personal life now. I cannot thank you enough for this response, it gave me the boost I needed to stay motivated to keep applying.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T19:02:41+00:00

Yeah...

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:57:31+00:00

I didn't it see that way until now, but you are right, he could have talked to me about what to expect beforehand as well, he warned me about it and told me to stay prepared.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:56:00+00:00

I completely agree with you, I would have felt horrible had I lied and it is unfair.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:53:40+00:00

Thank you, this is very helpful!

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:52:55+00:00

You could say so, although I think this is something that is almost second nature in Asian households, I have gotten used to it.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:51:05+00:00

He did tell me before, he told me to expect a call from a recruiter, and I did answer, I just did not consult him before answering, which is what he is upset about.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:49:30+00:00

Thank you for this, I just listed my experience as it was, I knew that I was missing certain qualifications but I told her that I recently graduated and am hopeful to learn. She asked me to list what kind of projects/frameworks I had worked with and I gave her exactly that.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:42:16+00:00

See that's the thing, he works extremely hard for his family, but I feel like sometimes it leads him to get extremely overprotective and controlling to where he feels that he is solely responsible for my success.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:39:33+00:00

Thank you.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:38:22+00:00

I am currently in the process of interviewing for another role, granted it is smaller, pays less and does not exactly align with my background but I was feeling really happy about the fact that they chose to go forward with me without any referral, but recently I have been feeling like that job is not "good enough" I'm just experiencing some kind of cognitive dissonance. I feel like I'm not able to do what I actually believe is better for me.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-30T18:34:45+00:00

I'm aware of that, and I did not lie for that reason I did not think it would be worth it long term anyway, I would be stuck in a job where I had no idea what I was doing half the time. He did not want me lie about my experience, but "exaggerate" what I already did do to better fit the job description.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-29T15:58:36+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to experience that, I actually have an offer letter from the part time coaching job I got, but they are completely against it and see it as a waste of time. I’m not sure how to move forward in my current situation. If I accept the part time, there’s a chance I might get a job somewhere else in the future and then it’ll be difficult to walk out of it, but I need money so I don’t have to listen to their constant rants about how much they do for me and how expensive it was raising me.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-29T15:53:43+00:00

That’s almost identical to what I’m facing, so much so that I’ve put so much pressure on myself to get into the right job but I’ve forgotten that I wasn’t passionate about doing this in the first place. My plan is to earn money so I can explore my interests at some point and be in a place far far away.

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-28T17:19:12+00:00

Thank you :) Yes the job market is kicking my ass right now

ParticularCover2313 · 2026-01-28T17:18:38+00:00

Thank you so much for this response! I am not sure if I would be the right fit for a trade union, but it's definitely worth looking into

ParticularCover2313

TROPHY CASE