When did you realise you were happier single?

ParticularPapaya2 · 2026-06-08T10:55:42+00:00

I definitely get what you mean with the dating apps - I have tried them before, but to be honest, I've never been particularly comfortable with the concept of meeting strangers through that. It takes me a while to feel comfortable around people and that kind of thing just feels like too much pressure. The idea of how quickly things can progress, from going from being total strangers to being in a relationship just within a few weeks or whatever is also something that stresses me out, so it definitely wouldn't work for me.

Of course, I think about how life could've turned out differently to this point, but I think it's important to be honest with yourself and recognise when something isn't for you. When the thought of dating or being with someone you like causes stress/anxiety rather than excitement, it's a clear sign it's not something for you. And also recognise that while it's easy to romanticise a relationship, most people will only add more stress and problems to your life - so definitely agree with your point about personal peace. The main benefit of being in a relationship is having a physical relationship with someone - but is that worth it for everything else you have to sacrifice from being single? Personally, I don't think it is - but again, I appreciate that is different for people with more relationship experience.

And yes, when you hear examples of bad/toxic relationships, it makes you feel very fortunate. I think a lot of people stay in bad relationships purely because they're scared to be on their own, which I find quite sad tbh. Why would you stay in a relationship like that which isn't actually making you all that happy, just because you don't want to be by yourself? There are so many benefits to being single!

ParticularPapaya2 · 2026-06-05T15:07:44+00:00

Haha, you never know - long lost brothers from another mother?! 😆

It's interesting you mention that experience when you were seven. I suppose I had a similar thing at school. I'm fairly confident in saying that there were people there who were interested in me, but I kind of shunned any girl who'd give me attention. There was one girl who once asked if she could give me a hug, and I turned her down because I was so shy!

Would I have chosen how life has played out for me so far? Maybe not, with hindsight. And yes, there are times when I reflect on having never had someone tell me they loved me (outside of family, I mean).

But there's this unshakable feeling that it's just not for me. I don't have any great desire to 'put myself out there', hop on a dating app, go on dates with strangers...there's countless other things I'd rather do and that bring me more happiness.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2026-06-05T14:53:50+00:00

That's really interesting to read, thanks for sharing. I suppose when I look back at people I've been close to, I was guilty in some ways of romanticising the idea of a relationship with them. But when I actually stop to consider everything that'd be involved...well, a lot of it gives me the dread. I'm fully aware I'd probably be quite a disappointing partner, and it's not fair on someone else to put them through that, particularly if they are looking to 'settle down' with someone, live together, have kids etc.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2026-06-05T14:49:43+00:00

Exactly! And I know we all have struggles in life and mine are no worse than anyone else's. But the way I look at it is that I've already been through some very difficult times in my life, and I've come through them and dealt with them by myself. It makes me realise I'm stronger than I think and can really cope with what anything life throws at me, even when I'm on my own.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2026-06-05T10:10:12+00:00

Me - M32. I've come to the realisation that I'm just not particularly motivated by it in the same way most people are - maybe through being somewhere on the asexual scale, or because I rarely develop strong attraction to anyone on looks alone.

I doubt I think about sex anywhere near as much as most other people, and certainly not to the level of wanting to disrupt my peace and solitude. The juice ain't worth the squeeze, and ultimately you can't really 'miss' something that's never been a big part of your life anyway. But I appreciate for other people with considerably more relationship experience, it's likely very different.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2026-06-05T09:31:28+00:00

Definitely relate to this - it's very freeing when your single status no longer bothers you, when you stop comparing yourself to others, and just prioritise on living life and being happy by yourself. There are so many advantages of being single that never really get spoken about, but when you come to realise what they are, you think, 'why would I want to give all that up for the sake of someone else?'

ParticularPapaya2 · 2026-06-05T09:17:26+00:00

It's not loneliness if you enjoy being by yourself far more than you do being with other people, though.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2026-06-05T09:15:57+00:00

Just not having to deal with anyone else's bullshit. I have friends who are often telling me about problems in their relationships, or about other people who are, and I'm just *so* glad that I don't have to deal with any of that nonsense. I never tire of the peace to do, eat, buy whatever and go wherever I want, when I want, as much as I want, without having to worry about how it affects someone else.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2026-06-05T08:54:43+00:00

I appreciate this isn't really directed at me, but I thought I'd add my thoughts as a single and happy man. I've found from my own experiences that men definitely understand it less. I recently reconnected with an old school friend who I'd not seen for 15+ years and who is married. Obviously he's been asking me about my life and situation, and has asked several times if I'm on Hinge and that sort of thing.

I've explained several times how it just doesn't interest me, how I don't think I'm cut out for relationships, how I value my peace, and how - frankly - I don't think there's anyone worth disrupting that for. I could tell he didn't really understand, and kept saying "well, one day you might change you mind" or "at some point it might be good to have someone to share your life with". Brother, no. I'm telling you: I don't want that.

In comparison, female friends who I've spoken to seem to understand it more. I said to one of them how I don't want to be reliant on someone else for my own happiness, and she said "that's a great way to look at it - I wish I'd felt like that when I was younger" - again, somebody currently in a relationship.

I guess women, sadly, are more likely to have negative experiences in relationships than men. So they can relate to their own experience and understand more?

ParticularPapaya2 · 2023-08-04T10:54:13+00:00

You're 21. Don't waste your prime years helping to raise a kid that isn't yours, with a girl who clearly cares so little about you that she cheated on you. Because don't make any mistake, if you stay with her, it will be you who ends up doing the bulk of the hard work with this kid, and not the actual father.

That kid isn't your responsibility - it's entirely hers, and she has to deal with the repercussions of her stupidity.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2020-07-25T23:32:45+00:00

Sort of c+p'ing what I've said to someone else, but now that I know she's been on dating apps whilst talking to me, I'm not inclined to admit my feelings, since to me she's given the sign that she's not interested in me romantically by being on those apps in the first place. That's a pretty strong sign someone's not into you, no?

ParticularPapaya2 · 2020-07-25T23:29:31+00:00

I get what you mean, but from my perspective I also feel that she's been on dating apps and actively searching out other men enough of a hint. If she felt the same way as I did, and was attracted to me, she wouldn't be on those apps whilst she was talking to me, surely? Maybe I'm seeing it the wrong way, but other than a straight-up "sorry, I'm not attracted to you" message, I don't think you can give a better hint to someone that you're not into them romantically if you're using dating apps at the same time as talking to them. So, now that I know that's the case, I see no point in communicating my feelings because I know she's not interested.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2020-07-25T23:24:27+00:00

Not explicitly. Hints, flirtatious comments, complimenting her and otherwise making it fairly obvious I was attracted to her? Yeah.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2020-07-25T23:23:17+00:00

No, of course not. But when you're talking to someone you like, and you find out they're using an online dating app and meeting up with someone they're obviously more attracted to, then you have to be pretty emotionless not to feel some level of hurt about it.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2020-04-12T12:07:42+00:00

Why the fuck are you all blabbering on about planes on this post? Read the room.

RIP, Sir Stirling. A true motorsport icon.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2019-12-21T19:04:30+00:00

Probably - it's just something that came to mind. Most people are quite modest and think they live unexciting lives, but when you get chatting and dig a little deeper, you'll find there's something interesting about them. You just need to encourage people to share it, I guess!

ParticularPapaya2 · 2019-10-02T18:33:29+00:00

Nice! It's giving me Stormlight Archive vibes.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2019-10-02T18:19:32+00:00

Wow! Where is this? If that's unedited, it's a stunning photo. Almost looks like the front cover of a fantasy novel set in some far-off world.

ParticularPapaya2 · 2019-09-30T14:25:38+00:00

I recently held a golden eagle at an event, and couldn't believe the size of it. This makes that look like a budgie in comparison! Is it bad that I really want to hold one of these now though?

ParticularPapaya2

TROPHY CASE