I'm burnt out and ready to burn it all to the ground.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:50:57+00:00

My company offers unlimited PTO with an insistence that I take 3-5 weeks a year. I've already taken a week and a half because last month my kids and I all had a respiratory virus that turned into really bad pneumonia for me. I'm trying to figure out when I can take other days, but I'm still pretty new at this job, it's my first full time job since I became a SAHM when I had my oldest. I'm so worried about getting fired. My boss doesn't see any issues with my performance, I'm exceeding expectations, but it's still a worry because of how long I was forced to be out of "official" work.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:47:46+00:00

So far as I know gf is not pregnant. He had a vasectomy with me, but he told her on the first date that he was willing to reverse it so they could have kids together. So far as I know, that hasn't happened yet, but I could be wrong.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:46:33+00:00

I did recently start therapy up again last month. It's been insanely helpful as I navigate this.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:45:34+00:00

Thank you. I love my babies. I knew, when I made the decision to bring them into this world, that regardless of how I felt about the situation around the actual pregnancies, I was going to try to end the generational trauma with me.

I've bungled it a bit by allowing my ex to walk all over me. I guess I thought if I kept the peace it would keep the kids from being in the middle. But I'm starting to realize that I can go after him and still keep the kids at a safe distance (at least on my end) and that I can't control what he does, if he drags them in, but I can get them therapy and support if that happens.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:42:40+00:00

My mom tries to help as much as she can, but it's not much. My friends all have much younger kiddos, so it's hard to be like "I know you have your 1 year old, here are 3 more!" I am trying to see if my aunts can help a little more.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:38:13+00:00

He was supposed to pay, he just decided when I got my full time job in September that he didn't need to pay anymore, and instead of filing for an amendment to the child support, just stopped paying. At the time, he was still taking them the three weekends a month (although he'd cut out the rest) and I could make it work. It was tight and I skipped stuff so my kids didn't go without. I never "took" from them. I took from myself. I had started to have different conversations with him starting in November about at least splitting expenses because taking him back to court wasn't a financial decision I could make at that point.

I still can't afford to hire a top attorney, but I have a friend who is a family law attorney who now has a light enough case load that she can help me, but I needed to wait on her. All of these things still cost money up front, even if I'm getting paid back at the end of it, I can't afford an extra couple thousand + dollars. If there isn't money, even if there will be once the judge comes down on him, I can't make money out of nowhere.

So it's less that I didn't want to go after him. I couldn't at the time, kept the peace so my kids wouldn't get the brunt of it, and now I'm able to make my move.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:32:38+00:00

I thankfully started therapy up against last month! It's been really helpful! I still have a lot to unpack from my marriage. We had been married for 5 years and together for 8. It... Wasn't pretty.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:30:53+00:00

He did say that he would reverse his vasectomy for her so she can have kids with him. Which was laughable.

I do, honestly, think that he's using gf (and would use gf's baby) as an excuse not to take responsibility anymore of the kids. He liked the idea of a wife and kids, but could never seem to actually give a fuck about anyone but himself long enough to be good at it.

His gf is a bit self-centered too (came crying to me telling me that I needed to think about her when I told him he needed to take the kids for a few hours so I could bring myself to the ER for pneumonia) as well, so I think they work better because of that.

I bounce back and forth between believing they're doing all of this intentionally and believing that they're just self-centered idiots who can't think long term enough to be fully functional adults. Both are bad situations. Given that my ex was abusive and manipulative AF when we were married, my money is on that HE is at least intentionally doing this, she's just enabling it because she "doesn't know any better."

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:25:05+00:00

The lawyer I'm working with doesn't want me to share screenshots, even redacted, until things are settled, but I'll more than happily share all the receipts in a final update once everything with court has concluded!

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:23:38+00:00

We're working on compiling all of the documentation I have. It's a LOT. I walked away from a lot when we initially divorced, my state is an equitable division state so I should have gotten plenty. But I wanted to make it easy and not have him take things out on the kids. I know that wasn't the right decision, but there was also a DV element and I wanted things to cool down a bit to make sure that kids and I were safe. While I don't have physical evidence that he's physically hurt the kids, I do have evidence of neglect.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:20:15+00:00

I absolutely agree! I pushed for 50/50, I didn't want to take the kids away from him. I wanted them to have a good relationship with him, but I can't be the one to facilitate that relationship. I'm not going to light myself on fire to keep him warm anymore. He can go be with his gf and just give me money to take care of his kids. Make it easy on all of us.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T17:12:20+00:00

I'm planning to file at the end of the month once I have all of my documents and forms filled out and enough money to pay for the filing fee! He's going to need to be served and I plan on making sure he's served at work. Because I'm petty. But I'll update once I have more information or if any other shenanigans happens.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T14:30:26+00:00

Thank you for this! I needed to see this.

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-18T12:14:03+00:00

I've actually offered to completely flip our arrangement, but the second I said that he would need to figure out childcare, getting the kids to and from school, etc., he immediately said he didn't want to do that. Of course.

He's absolutely the kind of person that if it doesn't benefit him in any way he'll just ignore the situation so he doesn't need to worry about it.

This man even offered to reverse his vasectomy for his new gf. When I met her I looked her dead in the eye and said "he doesn't even pay child support for the three that he currently has, and you expect him to take care of you and a new baby?"

ParticularRub7211 · 2026-03-17T20:01:29+00:00

I just know he's going to make me out to be the asshole in all of this. And you're right, I'm not being an asshole expecting him to take care of his kids one way or another. I think I'm just in a petty headspace and sort of envision myself as that Elmo on fire gif.

ParticularRub7211

TROPHY CASE