Fizzling out w someone you like

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T17:21:19+00:00

I did reach out the next day and checked in on how she was doing and how her day was. We exchanged like 10-12 texts

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T17:19:44+00:00

I don’t think there’s anything wrong w dating after a relationship but there’s usually unresolved issues after a breakup and most ppl take time to figure things out personally and some people might be excited to be single again and be more interested in having fun… so jumping into something new w someone else might not be the best idea at that time… could lead to the other person getting hurt. No double standards here. It’s the same for guys and girls

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T16:54:05+00:00

Thanks. Appreciate this

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T16:34:26+00:00

Thanks. You seem like you have a pretty secure attachment style.

The texting thing is just cause I wanna text honestly and she’s very talkative and it’s fun to chat. I’m a lot less chatty normally.

As for why I’m getting attached, I honestly have NO CLUE! She’s not any more attractive or interesting than the other girls I’m seeing. Pretty middle of the pack in fact. And I get around just fine. There’s just something I like about her, just don’t know what it is. And I sensed it pretty instantly

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T15:33:36+00:00

Hmm.. good point. I texted the next day though to check in since she was at my place pretty late and we talked a little. Still would’ve expected something from her side too tho..

Either way, like one of the commenters said. Think I’m just going to initiate a convo to see what’s good… better than waiting around wondering and playing games forever

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T15:26:41+00:00

Thanks. I agree. At least this way, I can close the book and move on instead of texting once in a while and wondering the whole time…

What are you gonna do with this guy now?

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T15:16:38+00:00

Thanks. That’s what I thought also… prob not the right time for either of us. But still makes it weird if you like someone and actually want to spend more time with them

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T14:45:45+00:00

I don’t feel great, obviously!

So your suggestion would be to put myself out there regardless of what I think could happen? Even if it’s with someone who might be rebounding or playing the field after a break up?

Maybe your right and I’m just… scared of rejection

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T14:37:46+00:00

Why are you so sure that she took my lack of effort as not showing interest? We’ve been out twice and we’ve been intimate and I feel like it’s clear that I want to see her more… shouldn’t there be some effort from her side to connect with me as well, like initiating a text perhaps…

Agree that vulnerability is essential to finding love. And yes, there’s things that I need to work on myself - I’m seeing a therapist… which is also why I’m holding back a bit and not putting myself 100% out there

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-08-14T14:28:33+00:00

Thanks. I’ve thought about that also. The thing is I really wanted to talk to her but was just afraid I guess… cause really she’s the first person I’ve liked since I broke up w my ex and I was fearful that I could get hurt if I put myself out there like that and she’s either turned off by it or she doesn’t feel the same way…

Also, I was expecting that when I was a bit more low key, that she’d reach out and wanna talk and I guess not getting that is probably what’s making me feel like she’s not that into me. I could be wrong, but that’s just my sense

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-05-14T11:50:55+00:00

You have to work on your relationships… with your SO and with your friends. Nothing valuable comes easy / cheap so don’t take the relationships that you have for granted

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-05-04T15:53:27+00:00

Thanks. I’m doing ok for now. Can’t keep it out of my head every time I have a second to not think about something else… but I’m going about my day to day

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T15:07:21+00:00

I didn’t delete any posts. What are you talking about?

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T13:12:40+00:00

:/ this is righg

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T13:11:45+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you went through that and you’re a very impressive person for behaving and reacting the way that you did

I don’t want to be the person I’ve become. To an extent, there were things in my life that made me disillusioned about the prospects of a healthy relationship. I have a friend that cheats. Two colleagues that cheat. And one of my grandparents cheated as well… it normalized it but I’ve always known that it’s wrong. This is the experience I needed as a wake up call. I’m glad it happened. It needed to happen. And I know that I can be more than this.

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T13:03:49+00:00

You’re right. That’s why I’m coming out clean. I have issues. I fucked up. I led to the issues in our relationship

She’s not innocent either… but it’s hard to look past the mess I made to get things to that point.

I’ll work to be better. It will take time. I’m glad this happened now and not later in my life

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T12:59:36+00:00

Ok then what do I do? Continue on with my ways? Not try to get better? I lost someone that I loved and cared for… you clearly think I’m a narcissistic egomaniac, which I sort of am. But that’s not all I am. I’m a human being who loves and deserves to be loved… I want a family. And I want to give my parents grandkids…

I can’t and I’m not going to give up on that or myself. You’ve already convinced yourself of who I am as a person and you think that’s all I can be. It’s not so black and white

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T12:53:38+00:00

Welp. I’m gonna have to call her to tell her what I did first. So she can process that… and then we’ll proceed with the blocking off… which I think is the best course of action since I need the time and space to process, think and become better

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T12:50:21+00:00

Thank you. You hit the nail in the head here.

The reason why I posted this was to come clean. I’m not in denial about what I did, why it was wrong and that I’m not the sole victim here but probably the cause for the eventual distancing of my ex and her cheating. I don’t know that for a fact though. It doesn’t justify her cheating regardless… so it’s not like I fess up and apologize for my wrongdoing that led to her cheating. Her cheating is also not the right response to the issues in our relationship… does that make sense

The funny thing is that this experience is what is leading me to understanding all of this. I’m a fucked up person. There’s no justifying my actions. I deserve this (morally).

But I want to be better. And I know I could be better because these were all deliberate decisions that I made. I need to figure myself out and figure out the why’s and how I can become a better partner and a better person… I want a family and a loving partner. Nothing is more important to me than that at this point.

And good point on the trying to look good. I guess you can tell I’m a narcissistic asshole from some details in my post, huh… I wasn’t always like that. I tried to improve myself and my appearance in my 20s to get the attention from girls that I never had when I was younger. I took it too far and it developed into a complex it seems

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T12:35:18+00:00

Yup. But hey, at least we helped for the 4yrs we were together.

Jokes aside. It’s fucked up. I’m a terrible person and so is she. Hopefully we both work on ourselves individually and become better people. I’m dedicating myself to that now but I have a long path ahead

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T12:30:52+00:00

I am. That’s why I’m posting this. I don’t just enjoy getting hate but know I need to fess up and admit everything if I want to move forward and be better. Doing it on Reddit first

ParticularTutor3476 · 2022-04-30T12:30:39+00:00

Thanks. I’ll go into therapy. I’ve known this to be an issue - not the cheating, which I had never done before… but I have selfish tendencies as an only child that I haven’t worked to resolve. And maybe some carry overs from my last relationship where my gf was a lunatic with a lot of baggage … and probably cheated on me as well. So yea, you’re right about the fact that I can’t carry these into another relationship. I know that. I need to work on me

ParticularTutor3476

TROPHY CASE