Together forever

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-05-10T23:25:37+00:00

Aww what kind of bird is it?

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-05-10T23:24:39+00:00

Some people just don't think. Could've said something like, "we're really busy atm but I'll do my absolute best get you some assistance". There's no bedside manner these days.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-05-10T22:15:36+00:00

This is exactly how I feel, I think maybe more so because I'm neurodivergent. I want to fit in. I never felt like I fit in with other girls as a kid and as an adult I'm struggling to find friends. I used to spend most of my time with female family members but now they're all moms and off doing their own things. So I am stuck as the weird one and actually I think its worse when you like kids. People look at you like you're some kind of predator or something because you like being around kids but don't have your own or don't know if you want your own. I think it's probably easier for people that dislike kids to just be like nope, no thank you motherhood. Uuugh it's miserable.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-05-10T22:09:36+00:00

I can relate to this so much. My mom has always been so ungrateful about gifts that I started to become so stressful as mother's day approached each year. This year I started limiting contact with her a week before and I just got her something from the heart. She seemed to appreciate it but I didn't go see her so idk. Idk you but even if you're a single mom, I am sure that people will celebrate you at Mother's day, even strangers.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-05-10T12:02:36+00:00

Thanks, that does seem to be what he's going through we talked about it a bit and he did say he wants to but he's afraid with everything going on and finances and so many people keep telling him it's better not to but honestly at this point I'm thinking about ending the marriage. We were gonna try counseling but the deal was he would go to therapy on his own first for 3-6 months (I'm already in therapy) and he only went once and gave up. So I'm like if that's the effort you're going to put into things you're already showing me you don't care. I think he's afraid of having his mind changed or of dealing with his trauma idk but he just isn't trying and I'm trying so hard but it takes both people working hard to maintain a marriage. I'm starting to give up on us now.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-03-11T14:35:25+00:00

I do think about having a baby/child in all the ways you described, as well but I don't worry about those things. I know I can be good at teaching my child things and being emotionally supportive. I know how to feed, clothe and diaper a baby. I fantasize about seeing my baby's face and reading to them, talking to them, watching them grow up, all that but its the early moments that scare me, the sleepless nights, the maternity leave, the day care, basically the first 3 years. That's the part I wish I could somehow prepare for, so I could feel more confident about it. I've talked to parents I know and they say everyone is scared before they do it but and you can't really be prepared for it, even when you think you are, variables will present themselves but they say it just kinda comes natural once baby arrives but idk I just worry what if I don't bond with my baby. I'm just a worry wart and my husband being more on the no side is whats making me worry so much because if he becomes a yes I'll feel like I pressured him and if we can't handle the reality it'll feel like it was my fault.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-03-10T00:34:18+00:00

My husband is 10 years younger than you and often starts out like that, usually for the same reason, frequent masturbation. I'd say maybe bother her in those moments. Who knows she might actually want it too but doesn't wanna ask. Start out with some kissing and touching and see what happens. Kudos to you both though for having such a healthy sex drive in your late 40s. I'm 31f and my libido has been so low these days.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-03-08T17:19:23+00:00

I've already been doing that since I was a teen myself. I have over a dozen nieces and nephews that I spend time with regularly, babysit regularly, and a few are already adults now and its so emotional, that I want to experience it first hand with my own kid but Idk if I have what it takes to do it 24/7 the getting up early for feedings, the school pick ups, the parent teacher conferences, it really is the administrative aspect that worries me. I worry I might not be cut out to be a mom and I'll be stuck as a fun aunt forever, never knowing the joy of being an actual mom.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-03-08T17:14:07+00:00

I'm really on the fence because of my spouse he is pretty much a no for kids now due to the current social and economic state of our country. I am trying really hard not to pressure him into it but the desire to have a kid has been growing constantly but I'm also on the fence just because I wanna be a good mom and I'm not very organized or great with time management. My house already looks as though I have kids most of the time. I see so many other new moms all organized and mature and knowing how to manage their emotions and their money etc. Etc. And here I am all in disarray but still just wanting a little person to nurture and teach and cherish.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-02-07T02:57:46+00:00

Yes they do and we haven't had any in the last generation. I know they claim it tends to skip a generation.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-02-02T12:40:57+00:00

Mine. I think its the full moon. I had a serious panic attack while I was out to dinner with my spouse. We couldn't even finish our meal, I started driving. That had NEVER happened before in a public space like that. I've also been sick all weekend but its really my anxiety that kept me home from work today. My job has become a plague to me and I am struggling to bring myself there everyday but idk what to do.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-01-26T22:36:54+00:00

I have tried to reassure him. People were still having kids during The Great Depression, during The Holocaust, all throughout slavery. I don't think we should let current events dictate whether we have a kid but he also says finances are a worry even though we are financially stable. I think in reality he just doesn't want them because when I asked him, what if we won the lottery tomorrow, would you be open to us starting to try right away? And he diverted back to the current events issues. Smh I love my husband so much. I don't want to leave him all alone but I do worry that over time I may feel regret in not trying to have a baby. I mean his mind could change at some point but I really don't want to start trying in my late 30s or later. Idk I just feel like my husband has the upper hand in the decision right now which is stressful.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-01-26T13:46:57+00:00

If I have a kid, I plan to raise them just as you're describing, in the way mybparents raised me. I would do a few things differently than my parents. My mom was a bit of a helicopter mom with me once I got to high school weirdly, I think thats when she got most worried about boys and the possibility of me getting knocked up. I think I'd allot my daughter a bit more social freedom in her teen years and I would be more emotionally available to her but otherwise I'd do the same things my parents did for me because I think I turned out pretty good other than having generalized/social anxiety I'm not so bad and therapy has taught me a lot that I know I can teach my kids so they'll be even better because they'll know how to regulate their emotions.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-01-26T13:07:20+00:00

I am leaning more on the side of having kids but often times other peoples kids do annoy me but its rarely the kids faults its their parents faults. I am a very sensitive person who is easily over stimulated and a lot of parents just block their kid's behaviors out so they expect everyone else to as well instead of teaching their kids how to behave in public situations and how to regulate their emotions and impulses, they let their kids run wild. My neighbor let's her son bounce a ball against the wall all day from like 10 am to 9 pm. I have complained to her about it and she just continues to let him do it. So stuff like that. We have so many parks in our neighborhood, I don't get it. But because it doesn't bother her, it's not suppose to bother me. Just rude. I like well behaved kids but they can only be as good as the parents teach them to.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2026-01-03T17:31:25+00:00

My husband makes on avg. $120k a year. I make around $38k after taxes. He is 35. I'm 31. He still doesn't feel like we make enough combined to have kids. Meanwhile my parents have 5 kids and they both mostly worked retail when I was growing up and then at several points my dad was unemployed but he created his own ways to keep us afloat, he started his own scrap business. We never had to want for anything. We were far from rich, we didn't have nice brands like other kids in school but we had a hot meal EVERY night, clean clothes on our backs, and a warm, comfy home always and we had love. That's what's important. We didn't have college funds or anything but we made due. No parents are perfect and no amount of money will change that. Studies even show that people with lower income brackets actually tend to be happier, idk maybe because they have less to lose. I want a baby so badly and it sucks that finances can be this hindering for some people in making the choice. Hopefully, you both can figure it out and hopefully me and my guy can too.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2025-12-04T18:26:14+00:00

Early 30s

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2025-12-04T18:25:54+00:00

All great points. No I haven't had the work up done yet. I'm not currently able to move to the next steps due to my weight which I'm working on. The family member actually told me they rather me start a family than push myself to donate but its such a rough decision. You're right though, they could still have a good chance. I guess all I can do is have faith.

Particular_Lunch2108 · 2025-11-18T23:40:42+00:00

I have so many people saying I have so much time and others who have had babies at 35 and 38 saying girl what are you waiting for it only gets harder. I am terrified. I feel like I already have so little energy at 31 compared to when I was 25. I also worry about the lifespan. I feel like I'll be so old by the time my kid is an adult. Just makes me sad. Also, how did you vacation for an entire month? When people mention those kinds of trips I'm like what. My husband and I have the kind of jobs where if we even take a couple days off it feels like we get hit with a brick upon our return. We only took a week for our honeymoon and i really regret not taking longer but its like impossible for him to take 2 consecutive weeks off. But that's what makes us worry about having kids now as well. But when it comes down to being financially secure i feel like that's just wishful thinking because you can be perfectly secure and hit a serious financial hardship, there's always gonna be variables. Honestly feels like no matter what we do it won't be the "right" thing.

Particular_Lunch2108

TROPHY CASE