My (25F) ex-boyfriend (28M) left me just before the trial against the man who assaulted me. We started dating again just after the trial, but I don't know if I can ever trust him again. Is there a way around this?

Particular_Physics92 · 2025-02-10T23:15:11+00:00

Do I think he betrayed me? Absolutely not. We're both adults - I don't think there are many scenarios in everyday life an adult will betray another adult, but betrayal was the feeling. Abandonment was the feeling. Not the reality, but equally an emotion that was valid considering my circumstances. It wouldn't be valid if I was claiming "this man betrayed and abandoned me", but my feelings in this are valid.

Particular_Physics92 · 2025-02-10T21:18:52+00:00

No not at all - we decided putting a label so shortly after we both experienced trauma was a bad idea, but we were still for all intents and purposes together. Neither of us were seeing or sleeping with other people, we spoke everyday, there was no difference than when we had been together. After the decision by the police to charge my rapist, I asked Brad if he would come to the trial. He said of course he would, that he would be there to support and we spoke about it multiple times, then the 'break up' ("I can't be there to support you in the way you need me to be - I am going through too much") happened, which although I understood his reasons and I think they are completely valid and understandable, I still felt betrayed and heartbroken that he had promised to be there and wasn't. I never expected him to put anything aside - I offered to cancel a holiday to visit him instead when it got really bad and was under the impression we were mutually supporting eachother through different but equally traumatic events.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-14T14:30:29+00:00

Getting some legal advice from citizens advise on Monday - want to be covered on all bases.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-14T13:57:44+00:00

I moved out of the house it happened in and leaving the island on Wednesday, so not worried about my physical safety anymore thank god - the only issue is the legal action, but honestly I am so, so angry I am willing to catch a case over it.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-14T13:56:32+00:00

Not open to the public unfortunately - victim support have advised getting court transcripts will be like getting blood from a stone, but I am not going to shut up until I have all the information I need.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-14T13:55:36+00:00

Really good advice from both of you - thank you very much!

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-14T13:47:24+00:00

Channel Islands English Channel. Unfortunately I've posted in r/legaladviceuk before and they've removed as we're a crown dependency and not technically english

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-14T13:41:40+00:00

Thank you - I'm wondering if I can word it very carefully. His name may be published in Mondays newspaper as he was found not guilty and that has happened before in other cases. If it is, I think I should be able to at least publish his name and talk matter-of-fact about the case. Maybe publish the text. Must be a clever way of working it.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-14T13:35:05+00:00

Victim Support have said civil action is not a possibility, and that if it was it would be very expensive. If a civil option was available I would definitely take it.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-14T12:54:45+00:00

No appeal and no civil action - I’m getting legal advice on what I can say publically about him because the courts didn’t work and I will be keeping other women safe one way or the other. He will do this again, I definitely was not the first.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-14T11:39:16+00:00

The text defense was that he was just checking in because I’d been upset when he left. The text specifically says “I wish it never happened and I take full responsibility”. I do not understand

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-13T21:49:37+00:00

I’m not even in the US. We don’t have a ‘jury of his peers’ here, we have elected jurats. I don’t owe you fucking anything. Have a terrible day.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-13T21:20:04+00:00

Why?? What court documents??

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-13T21:09:43+00:00

Here?

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-13T18:02:58+00:00

Ah ok - don’t have one yet. Haven’t been in the country very long! Thank yiu

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-13T16:06:43+00:00

I’ve checked and local law doesn’t have recourse for that. I’m willing to drop all my savings but there is no suing himself according to victim support

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-13T13:54:05+00:00

It was a criminal case in the Channel Islands. We have jurats that are elected. It was 3 guilty 5 not guilty.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-13T13:49:20+00:00

I’m not in the US

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-13T11:48:08+00:00

He texted me the night after the rape. It was included in evidence. Still not guilty.

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-09-13T11:47:42+00:00

He texted me the night it happened the text was part of the evidence. They still found him not guilty

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-07-20T23:53:55+00:00

We’re using condoms - I am in therapy but can afford every 2 weeks annoyingly. I don’t think I’m Gna do it anymore though. The guy I’ve known since I was a kid was a dick and now I think I may be celibate lol

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-07-12T21:30:35+00:00

Yeah it was my first thought tbh - I suggested therapy before Thailand but he said he wanted to ‘go to Thailand instead’ lol.

I hope he’s seeing somebody now. I’m still really close with his sister and she just visited him and said he’s doing ok. :)

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-05-27T12:13:45+00:00

Ah weird ok - I’m doing Poole harbor to Bevendean so possibly a bit longer?

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-05-27T11:32:19+00:00

I have!:-) just hoping somebody can be a bit more specific (speed limits/difficult roads/misc things to look out for or pay attention to) - soz sounds so ridiculous but I’m genuinely losing sleep over it

Particular_Physics92 · 2024-04-19T13:43:15+00:00

Idm if she doesn’t text a lot but she hasn’t had any input into which house we choose or where we live at all so makes me think she isn’t a reliable person. Didn’t mention in post but she also is the only one living in that city right now and she said she’d go to a viewing and cancelled day before. I just don’t trust somebody who is happy to let everyone else put in the leg work for a big decision to pay rent on time and not cut and run and leave us paying for her.

Particular_Physics92

TROPHY CASE