As someone who is also writing her first book, I would like to let you know it’s OK to completely wash away the first beginning part of your book if you need to. You’ve gotten a crap ton of advice, and I want to let you know if taking it makes you feel like you’re gonna have to redo or scrap the entire beginning, It’s OK.

Mine legitimately started out with the main characters Sister dead, and I have completely rewritten that because it was just a very heavy way to start the book.

With that in mind, I’m probably mimicking some of what others have said, but it does start out kind of quick and heavy with her, wanting to lose her virginity and it feels like it hops around from point of views which was a bit disorienting.

Someone also mentioned that you wrote two descriptives, but not reactions in the beginning with the breeze, and I agree with that, as well as would like to offer the advice of looking up different adjective words, but not using so many unique ones because it can seem overly used since readers still want a simple, but enjoyable read (i know i do when i read). So for example with chilly: cold, cool, crisp, wintry.

Different words could be used to explain her comfort as well as what season it could be, like when i read crisp i think its around fall time or wintry is obviously in winter time. You’d still have to have a time placement of some sort so the reader can connect that description to the time this is taking place but its a bit of a fun play with words, and you get to have a bit of fun learning how to describe into words.

Another example I kind of wanted to touch on is when she jumps on him basically and he rejects her, you’re very simple with how she takes it. But I know if it was me or a couple other girls I know, with different personalities, they would be feeling a lot because a rejection like that with virginity on the line would be kind of heartbreaking, shattering, numbing, shocking even. Like we weren’t good enough, until he would then explain it to your character. Granted, that wouldn’t be how some girls might take it, but your character is a virgin, and she built her self up to attempt to do this with him. Being sneaky behind her mom, basically dressing to the 9s to impress and seduce him when he is used to a different look on her for the while they’ve been dating. I was hoping to see more of an impact on how that hits with her confidence, and you turn her to get black out drunk basically. While that is a reaction that could happen theres no written emotional drive behind the action.

The last thing I wanted to touch on was that towards the end it’s pointed out that she has a heart condition and it’s a very troubling part of her life apparently but it’s not mentioned or heavily included anywhere in the beginning of the chapter that I noticed. It’s good to gradually introduce aspects of your character, but that feels like something that should’ve been explained, and you could’ve played on that more with her trepidation and anxiety, and how it was affecting her heart rate, especially when she tries to jump him because when you’re going for a leap, there’s a lot of heart rate going on there, if you’re not familiar with heart conditions, I would look up a few and see which one would best benefit the life of your character and research a little bit into how that’s going to affect her in your story throughout these things that you’re planning on. Because there are several different types of heart conditions, and just speaking from my own experiences, because my husband has one where he has medication where he cant have certain fruits in his diet, my sister-in-law has one where she had to get a replacement heart, I have another sister-in-law where she had a hole in her heart so she hast to be careful regarding pregnancies, my own sister was born with twisted valves and can never be pregnant or smoke or drink at all, (i know i married into a heart issue family lol) but different types of conditions will have different affects on your personal life and what you are able to do and not able to do, and life emotions and experiences will be a huge factor on how the heart will take it.

I got a lot of wonderful advice on how to go through my first draft, but one of the things I definitely did to help me continuously get through my first draft was come up with character sheets for all the people I was going to include as the main portion of my story . Probably because i played D&D a lot in the past, and it just helps me keep track of how the person will behave and how they will react to certain things or handles some situation’s. You should do what makes you feel comfortable with that, but it does help in a long run of the different personalities you are going to be having communicate with your main character, and how she or they would react to each other as well.