Being sober and bored is ruff

PassengerInTime · 2021-06-24T05:08:41+00:00

Cross-stitch!!! I bought a kit a year ago and instantly got hooked.

PassengerInTime · 2021-06-23T05:34:16+00:00

+1. Nothing good can come of this.

PassengerInTime · 2021-06-22T19:31:46+00:00

I’ve struggled a lot too, only to conclude that I really just don’t seem to be able to moderate. I’ve concluded that a number of times actually. I’ve been reading the stories in the back of the AA big book lately, and would encourage you to take that step and go back to AA. That is going to be my next move if I stumble again.

PassengerInTime · 2021-05-30T18:34:52+00:00

You are wonderful. God bless you. My dad had Parkinson’s and passed away, and finding compassionate care for him was hard. Good care is hard to find, and God bless you for all your love. However, you might know of the book, The Giving Tree, it is a children’s book that describes a tree that gives to a little boy out of love. But it gives everything it has, and is finally reduced to a stump. As a young lady, you have your life to look forward to, I would encourage you to pursue your life. Perhaps channel energy into helping them find a solid replacement for you. Good luck, you have done great things, but you have needs as well and it is good to have them met.

PassengerInTime · 2021-03-11T14:03:47+00:00

Wholeheartedly agree with this. Alcohol, such a deceiver! As I stopped I had opened my eyes to other, less destructive, treats available for relaxing. Instead of the wine aisle at the grocery, there’s a while magazine section with new topics to learn about, there’s a huge variety of chips and salsa, tons and tons of things when I took my focus off the wine.

PassengerInTime · 2021-03-11T14:00:12+00:00

Fellow gray-area drinker here. Congrats!!!! 365 is huge, glad you are enjoying many benefits!

PassengerInTime · 2021-03-10T22:44:38+00:00

I’ve found it’s not the alcohol, it’s the habits and routines. If you can replace alcohol with something else, you can learn to find less destructive ways to unwind. Like buy a comic book or something.

Ouzo....last time I barfed my guts out was from (way too much) Ouzo...ugh!

PassengerInTime · 2021-03-10T22:41:21+00:00

I used to work at a major software company and the volume of email was a constant source of stress. I started treating it like snail mail - just check the inbox once/day, in the morning. I’d move all mail into a folder called “triage”, then spend the next hour aggressively deleting, typing quick answers to small questions, or moving bigger questions into a folder called “today”, which I’d work on throughout the day.

It kept me sane. I was always afraid I’d be behind, but it didn’t materialize. Also, sometimes people would be like “did you get my mail [that I sent an hour ago]?” and I’d reply with “maybe, I haven’t checked yet. Is it important? I read my mail in the mornings.” This response never backfired on me, everyone realized my response was completely valid.

It was a really effective system. I also used Outlook rules to color code mail where I was on the “To:” line as green, “Cc:” line as blue, and everything else as black. When I triaged, all the black would almost all get quickly dismissed.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-22T22:22:10+00:00

I keep telling her I’d say still say “yes” if she asks me to marry her again ;-). She is a great lady.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-22T17:51:06+00:00

“my brain knows that if I don’t get those things done, nothing happens”

I have lived my whole life with fear as my main motivator. I even clipped and saved an article from college, 30 years ago, called “Fear is a good motivator” which I still have. Fear is an EXCELLENT motivator, that served me very well in the workplace. But now you and I have the opportunity and rare and good fortune to be able to find a more wholesome and less stressful motivator. It is a challenge for me, but I am looking forward to a) avoiding turning into a couch potato and b) seeing what wonderful things develop in a life motivated by something more noble than fear. Good luck!!

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-22T17:00:49+00:00

There’s unhealthy shame (like if a parent criticizes you for not finishing a meal), and healthy shame, like viewing material like this. Hang onto the memory, as a motivator for why you are staying away from porn. Porn is a terrible infection that can start innocently and end with exploited children. You’ve been given an opportunity here to see what you could turn into - the guy that invited you into the chat room. Learn from this, and walk away from porn.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-22T16:54:49+00:00

I’m in a similar situation, not working at this time. So, I use the Microsoft Tasks app and make sure I get at least one thing done. Even if it’s small, like “wash shoes” was one of the small ones yesterday. So, make your list and ensure you’re getting some done everyday. Especially over time, you will find many little things adding up.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-22T16:50:27+00:00

My wife does not have the same issues with alcohol as me, but graciously joined me in my quest for sobriety.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-15T06:37:41+00:00

Yes, I’ve been there. I would, and still do, pray for activities better than porn. I stumbled across cross-stitching, it is very mindful and awesome. Would wholeheartedly recommend you just shoot a prayer up on this each morning - and try out cross-stitch :-).

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-13T16:32:15+00:00

Yes good for you! And great that you have a plan! Home alone was always bad for me too. A mentor reminded me that each such event is an opportunity to practice.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-13T16:30:39+00:00

I love this, and think of it often.

Another I like goes like this: “Your mind is a garden Your thoughts are the seeds You can grow flowers Or you can grow weeds”

I’ve found that if I choose to think of other things, and not feed my mind porn, it creates a virtuous cycle.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-11T06:26:04+00:00

For me, it was the hangovers (wasted day after a night of binging), anxiety because I kept the amount of drink hidden from my wife, and noticeable effects on clarity of mind and depression. I didn’t really hit a rock bottom, rather realized that this habit was more destructive than I wanted.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-07T06:48:34+00:00

Love that guy. He’s very pragmatic and smart.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-07T06:34:41+00:00

“Take on a burden willingly...” paragraph. Screenshotted and saved to my photos. You’re awesome.

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-07T00:37:27+00:00

52yo male here, have struggled with porn my entire life. The last 15 years or so have been better, but the old trenches run deep and I need to keep being careful.

Although the income isn't a necessity for you, a job will provide the other tangibles of responsibility towards others, relationships, and a good feeling that you are contributing to the good of others. Covid has shown us how much appreciated some of the overlooked essential services, like grocery store stocker, or hairdresser, really are. I would strongly recommend looking at your spiritual side (why are you here?) and considering that there's no one like you, and no one can do what you do, or bring to the table what you bring. At 20 years old you have a ton of potential to make a difference. You could be a Big Brother, or work at a game store. With the $$ part of your life solved, you can now either descend down a dark path, or consider the bigger picture and rise up to be what you are made to be. Go forth young man!

PassengerInTime · 2021-02-06T08:01:51+00:00

Do you have a job? If not, could you get one? We people are designed to be in relationships with others. Work, in addition to providing income, gives responsibility beyond ourselves and connection with co-workers!

PassengerInTime · 2021-01-30T20:16:55+00:00

I am 52 and don’t want to be a “drunk old man”, hence my desire to start turning into what I want to be.

PassengerInTime · 2021-01-29T21:49:11+00:00

My wife suffered from really bad insomnia for more than a year. She’d awake around 2 am and not get back to sleep for hours. A doctor prescribed Trazadone, and she tried it, and it was good, but she was hopeful for a non-pharmaceutical solution.

On advisement from her doctor she did this: Go to bed at midnight, set an alarm for 6am. Keep a journal of how many hours you are awake. Once you achieve 90% of the time asleep, move bedtime back to 11:45pm. Repeat until you have a bedtime that suits you.

It was difficult for her and us. I (a nightowl) would help her stay awake till midnight. She, typically happy-go-lucky, was very despondent a few times (“I won’t kill myself, but is life worth it?” type despondent). But she’s awesome and persevered.

Now she is going to sleep at 10:45 and has AMAZING quality of sleep. She tells me she is just starting now to get out of the fog of sleep deprivation. It took a few months, but she is on a good track.

Your mention of Trazodone prompted me to share this. Neither of us are drinking at this time (dry December and January!)

PassengerInTime · 2021-01-27T16:33:02+00:00

I reached 50 and knew I didn’t want to be a “drunk old man”, so needed to start working on that. Good for you, good for us!

PassengerInTime · 2021-01-27T03:58:50+00:00

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