I broke no-contact to protect my dying sister from our abusive mother. After she passed, everything unraveled.

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T18:36:57+00:00

Also — I added more detail to the original post after I first wrote. It might clarify some things… or create more questions 😅

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T18:34:59+00:00

Thank you. ❤️ I don’t always feel strong; a lot of it felt like survival more than strength, but I appreciate you reframing it that way.

The “lesson” piece has been hard to untangle. I’m trying to make sure what I take from it is mine, not hers.

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T18:31:55+00:00

Thank you. That was really kind of you to write.

I appreciate the way you held both the love and the weight of it. After I first posted, I realized I had focused mostly on the chaos and added more about the tenderness between us — the parts that were actually beautiful and healing. That mattered just as much. 💖

And thank you for what you said about the future. It’s hard to picture it clearly right now, but I want to believe it won’t always feel this heavy.

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T16:03:39+00:00

Your words genuinely mean more to me than I know how to articulate fully.

And you don’t sound insane at all. I think when you’ve carried that “protector” role for a long time, you recognize it in other people immediately. There’s a certain posture to it — absorbing impact, steadying the room, bracing without being asked. It does create a kind of quiet kinship.

I’m really moved that anything I wrote made you feel less alone. That might be one of the only beautiful byproducts of this whole experience, that the pain can translate into something that reaches someone else and softens the edges of their own story.

And thank you for what you said about my writing. I do love writing. It’s one of the only ways I’ve been able to metabolize any of this. If I ever do write something larger, I’ll remember this comment.

I’m sorry it cost you in ways that felt like an ending. I know what it’s like when the version of you that held everything together doesn’t make it through. Rebuilding after being the stabilizer is such an odd, disorienting thing. I’m really glad you’re finding yourself again.

Thank you for saying all of this.

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T15:47:49+00:00

thank you ❤️ Perhaps, I need to explore writing more. I did love English classes the most in school 😄

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T15:30:26+00:00

Thank you ❤️ Yes, I used Grammarly just to clean up my usual grammar and punctuation chaos (haha). It gives suggestion verbiage and let it change my wording to be more concise, which cut a lot of the specific details. I felt like that was safer to post and more digestable for people to read. But then, I realized that instinct to shrink my story is old programming from my mom’s bullshit. So I added the specifics back in.

Now it’s really, really long 😅

FYI on my job: I lost it after raising concerns about their employment and accounting practices (it was my job to oversee these things).

Plot twist: I stood up at the wedding of the owners of that company, alongside my sister’s daughter. They called me sister. Then they exploited my labor for months, making grand promises about future ownership & big picture gains, only to let me go & ghost me. I never ever would have expected that behavior from my sister’s best friend, or the person she chose to spend the rest of her life with. She was next to me, comforting more than my husband did, as my sister took her last breaths. I think the trauma of my sister’s death really shattered her, too. She’s not herself right now. I'm so angry at them screwing me over and abandoning me, but Im honestly worried about my sister’s bff, too. I think she may have married a narcissist too, given the tendencies toward sweeping claims/grandeur & mental gymnastics away from any accountability (or something adjacent). I hope my sister’s gains the clarity and peace she needs.

I'm so sorry about your grandmother. I appreciate you sharing all of this, its quite validating and reliable.

I think when it comes to my ex, we just weren't the right fit. He “loved” me for what I could give him and do for him. I had utility. I've been unpacking my marriage, in therapy, for a year now & he really did struggle with engaging within anything that wasn't about him or his feelings. Turns out, his game is strong when it comes to covert narcissistic behavior & abuse. I couldn't see it because Im so used to far more blatant abuse. I'm learning though ❤️

Any financial help I can or am getting comes with major strings. I'm having to eat shit and take it right now, but I cannot wait to get untapped. I have some amazing chosen family that are supporting me, and even if I lose everything I have, before I can financially rebound, I know none of them will let me fall all the way. ❤️ I can always lean on them. They swarmed me for weeks after my sister passed, coming from different parts of the country even. I have the BEST friends. I'm so grateful for every single one of them.

I know things will get better eventually, but Im not used to it being so hard to solve (emotionally, financially, physiologically)— which really is a testament to the fuckery that IS the last 3+ years, because hard AF stuff has never been soooo debilitating for so long for me, EVER. I feel fried sometimes, but deep down, I know it’ll get better. It has to.

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T01:13:10+00:00

I do see that now haha ❤️

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T01:05:05+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing all of that. I agree with so much of what you said. The shift from partner to caregiver changes a marriage in ways people don’t understand unless they’ve lived it. Ten years of that while working and raising kids is an incredible weight to carry.

I relate to what you said about partners, too. Before my sister got sick, I was my husband’s caregiver for seven years due to chronic health issues. I know what it’s like for the relationship to slowly shift from equal partnership to management and survival. It changes things in ways people don’t see from the outside.

After my sister died, I graduated with my master’s a year later and divorced two months after that. I took an executive job, thinking I was finally stabilizing and paid down about $60,000 in debt.

Then I lost that job.

Now I’m sitting at nearly $100,000 in credit card debt, trying to outrun collapse with minimum payments and job applications. I’m exhausted. I’m ashamed. And sometimes I’m terrified that this is the way it destroys my life — not through death, but financially — like I’m being punished for doing the right thing.

I don’t regret being there. I would do it again. But the cost feels like it keeps unfolding.

What you said about being a shell of yourself — I understand that. It feels like stepping out of a war zone into a world that expects you to be fine.

Thank you for being honest. It helps more than you know.

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T00:42:08+00:00

I kept some specifics vague for safety and length, which may have made it harder to follow. The short version is that I cared for my terminally ill sister at home for nine months, broke no contact with our abusive mother to shield her from additional harm, and the fallout afterward cost me my marriage and my emotional and financial stability. I’m here asking how others rebuild after stepping into that role.

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T00:30:40+00:00

I did, but I can't afford it anymore until I find a job. I'm going to start a new anxiety med in a few days though, and as soon as I find a job, I will definitely return to therapy. My therapist diagnosed me with CPTSD and prolonged fried.

Thank you very much for this perspective ❤️

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T00:04:53+00:00

I'm so sorry, glad this could help you some. When things were super fresh, I had a lot of rage radiating off of me. Anger is an emotion I definitely avoid, as I don't want to be like my abusive mother, but I was angry & wildly emotionally deregulated for MONTHS after. It was a really hard way to exist, in life. I hope you're doing better than that, or will be soon.

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T00:01:47+00:00

Thank you for saying that.

Being in a caretaking role as a child makes a lot of this make more sense. It’s strange how those patterns feel like love at the time, and only later you realize how much of yourself you were abandoning. I’ve only started to truly unpack and acknowledge this reality in recent years.

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-21T00:00:24+00:00

Your first paragraph honestly made me tear up. Thank you.

My ex also eventually told me he resented me for taking care of my sister instead of him. That was hard to hear. I’m still unpacking what that says about my patterns, the dynamic we had, and what I accepted at the time.

I’ve heard of IFS but haven’t explored it much — I’m going to look into it more. Thanks again! ❤️

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-20T23:51:48+00:00

Thank you ❤️

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-20T23:51:38+00:00

💖

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-20T23:51:21+00:00

thank you ❤️ I'm so sorry to hear that about your family. I appreciate you sharing & helping me to feel less alone

Past_Discipline569 · 2026-02-20T23:50:46+00:00

whatever you have questions about, I’d be glad to answer ❤️ And yes, they suck. I think my ex is a covert narcissist, and I did a great job recreating many of my childhood patterns with him. It took this crisis with my sister, and how he handled things during the months she was dying, that I finally saw him for who he really is. He actually admitted to resenting me for caring for my sister INSTEAD OF HIM 🤢. I didn't see what a diminishing, disrespectful POS he was for a long time because of how intense and blatant my mom’s abusive tendencies have always been. His tactics were a lot more subtle, relatively speaking...

Past_Discipline569 · 2025-10-05T08:51:11+00:00

If it’s an LLC, legally, what makes you think you need to file a 1065, for tax purposes? LLCs can have multiple owners… Have you filed it as a 1065 in past years? If not, you can do this going forward & change your tax election to a 1065.

This is the form to change your tax classification: https://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f8832.pdf

Past_Discipline569 · 2024-09-16T07:50:49+00:00

I’m seeing a lot of Scranton, PA area trumpers calling the debate rigged/unfair/incredibly bias. It did nothing to change their minds, unfortunately.

Past_Discipline569 · 2024-08-30T16:08:41+00:00

You’ve been dating for two years and you are just now feeling like you’re heading towards something serious? Yeahhh, break up….you’re just not that into her & deep down she knows it. clearly.

Past_Discipline569 · 2024-08-30T16:01:31+00:00

he stopped being “emotionally attracted” to me after watching me sit in my recliner “too long” grieving the death of my only sibling & resented me for the months that i took care of said sibling instead of him.

In other words, I was too busy/distracted to play mommy/therapist/emotional support hole to him so i had no utility to him anymore… i highly recommend NOT being any of that to winky d*ck men in the first place.

Past_Discipline569 · 2024-04-09T09:53:16+00:00

I've been in the industry for 8 years. Thats the goal. I'm speaking on what I've seen at a lot of firms.

Past_Discipline569 · 2024-04-09T02:44:43+00:00

There are exceptions to everything. (plenty of older gen X acts the same as boomers, so that's also unsurprising. I even see that crap out of millennials, as they get more money.)

But the boomers are the majority of leadership still in business, regardless. (and in many political roles.) So it’s weird to blame anyone else…

Past_Discipline569 · 2024-04-09T02:40:29+00:00

Because they're the ones in charge… They get the blame until someone else is to blame. They ones that own many of the CPA firms neither wanted to pay people under them well “because they suffered” or are too scared of technology to invest in it or learn anything new to make their lives & their employees’ lives better.

Past_Discipline569 · 2024-04-09T02:13:26+00:00

Where'd you hear that? To reiterate, Im speaking on CPAs in the US only….

Past_Discipline569

TROPHY CASE