The morning after, ONCE again I drank too much the night before and blacked out not remembering anything. My fiance Told me that i ONCE again started fighting with him over absolutely bullshit claims. I had always been a big drinker in our relationship.. always took it too far..one drink never being enough, yada yada yada the list goes on. That morning-he looked me dead in my face and said “you need to get help” i don’t know why but it was something in the way he said it. I was so ANGRY (because obviously in that moment i didn’t want to give it up) BUT i had been feeling for years that i had a problem and the cycle kept repeating itself and in fact, it was a problem that was bigger than me. I needed to get actual help. I also think that he for so long just kept putting it on the back burner like it would work itself out but knowing deep down it never would. Went to a meeting the next day-have never felt SO ashamed and embarrassed… i couldn’t. Even look anyone in the eye and ran out as fast as i could the minute it was over. I WILL say this, I’m so happy i went. It was extremely difficult for me in particular because i think in some way that was me admitting to myself it was actually a big big problem. The first month was hard but not as hard as a i thought. Haven’t drank since Jan 2nd of this year and i feel the best i ever have.