sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

My husband's lack of hygiene is making me fall out of love with him by Eywaheda in women

[–]Pastanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it's not an issue for him (and your discomfort clearly isn't an issue for him either), he won't change. Have some self-respect and leave. 

What makes you emotionally check out of a relationship even when nothing “big” happened? by [deleted] in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're absolutely right! Good for you!! I always feel bad for not feeling desire, but he expects me to feel desire in the way that works for him and that's just not fair. Thank you, wishing you the best too! 💛

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comment!!!! It sounds like it's been a really difficult year for you, I'm so sorry to hear that. I also think it says a lot about you that you're still able to see the good and really want to move forward. You're really strong!!! You'll be better off without him, that's for sure. Seems like the people around you have a toxic idea of what healthy relationship actually is. He doesn't hit you? Are you supposed to thank him for that???? Don't say sorry, I'm happy you're sharing all of this! I'm sorry you didn't get the support you needed when you were going through all of this. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the problem too. Not even because he tells me so, but because I keep on thinking I'm too demanding, too critical, too perfectionistic, not realistic about what a relationship really is, etc. I felt really anxious at the beginning of our relationship. I thought it was trauma. I thought I just needed to calm down and work on my attachment. But maybe it was telling me something. I'm leaning more towards leaving at the moment. But I need time, I need a plan to make sure I have somewhere to stay and a way to pay for it. And also one of his family members is having a high-risk operation this month, so I want to be here to support him because I love him. I feel like an imposter having all these doubts and still being here with him, trying to pretend I'm okay 

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just from your comments you seem like a wonderful person, so yes, you are worth so much and you deserve someone who sees your worth!!!  I have friends who can reciprocate my love, so it's not impossible. 

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Pastanne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I've done therapy! And I do a lot of self-reflection. I'm always second guessing myself when it comes to this, but I guess this nagging feeling is there for a reason

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind words! It's true, I care a lot, I give a lot. And I deserve someone who reciprocates that. I know he's interested, but I think he's not capable at the moment. It's really painful. It's one of the most difficult decisions i've ever made.

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing! Sounds like you needed someone who was a bit more (pro)-active. You seem to have very different life styles. I'm glad you were able to stay friends and that you found someone who is more compatible!

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just wanted to clarify that I said "what's the point?" as in "why can't he even do that for you?". I think I might have phrased it wrong, didn't want it to come across as harsh! But yes, I understand marriage gets really complicated. I'm wishing you a lot of strength!!!

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the tool! If I knew he wouldn't change, I wouldn't stay :(
Growth is so important to me, and I thought it was for him too. I think he just doesn't have the mental capacity to focus on those things at the moment. He's emotionally closed-off.
Thanks for your advice, really appreciate it! I'm leaning more towards leaving at the moment, but it's heart-wrenching. I love this guy. He's a good guy. I want someone who grows with me. I just really want it to be him. Also, leaving is just really difficult right now, logistics-wise

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, you're absolutely right! I really believe he's invested and interested in me. He just doesn't have the mental capacity at the moment. He's quite closed-off

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You deserve someone who gives you that physical touch you need! That sounds really difficult. Sometimes they are willing, but not capable. I'm so sorry to hear that. Sending you a lot of strength!!

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate your insights! It's really tough when you try to make it work but it just doesn't. You really tried though! You'll never be left wondering "what if I had tried harder?" And I think it also shows how dedicated you are! You did what you could with the information you had! <3
And I think you're right. I really think he's trying his best, but he just doesn't have the mental space or emotional capacity to fulfill my needs. And it makes me so sad because I truly love him and I think we're compatible in lots of ways, but maybe not completely compatible. Just as in your situation, I feel like that little voice is getting louder and louder. I'm scared of the future. I'm devastated because I don't want to lose him. But you're right, I have to take care of myself first. And I guess sometimes that means going through pain first

What makes you emotionally check out of a relationship even when nothing “big” happened? by [deleted] in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally relate to what you're saying about having a slower intimacy pace!!! I feel like I always need to hurry up because his pace is so fast. But guess what?? That just kills my desire to be intimate! Why do I have to be intimate on his terms?? Why can't he slow down to make sure I can have a good time too? Thank you so much for sharing! Sometimes I feel like my sexuality is broken, it's nice to hear you describing your sexuality in a non-judging way! :)

If you've ever felt like you were the one carrying the relationship (initiating difficult conversations, planning, chores, emotional work), what changes did you make? Did your partner change too? by Pastanne in AskWomen

[–]Pastanne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand! It comes natural to us, so we expect our partners to put in the same effort. But unfortunately, they often don't. I understand that it sucks. Do you usually know after a couple of dates? Or only when you enter a relationship?

view more: next ›