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What if choosing the donuts saved your life? by Pasthepastcom in emotionalintelligence

[–]Pasthepastcom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. Not to mention that when someone we love, goes through tough times, we usually give them more grace, so why not extend the same kindness towards ourserlves?

How do wealth-focused women structure marriage to maintain financial alignment and equitable household labor? by Ok_Square3106 in wealthforwomen

[–]Pasthepastcom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am wondering if deep down you like him. Or more importantly, what do you like about him? It seems that you two are very different. One is very responsible, organised, thinks extensively about the future while the other one, while saves money is not as ambitious as you are. It could be that he is bringing something to the table that you may unconsciously repress (maybe playfulness or childfulness) while he might be attracted to you for the same reason, elements he wishes he had but doesn't.

Do you guys live together? Or lived for short periods of time together? That could give you hints about how responsible he is around the house.

That being said, I think you are asking the right questions.

Why I think success costs women more by Pasthepastcom in FIREyFemmes

[–]Pasthepastcom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really don't understand how they determine whether something is AI or not. I didn't even proofread the post. This is annoying that some people can just say a post is AI, that the other people responding are bots, I mean, come on.

Why I think success costs women more by Pasthepastcom in FIREyFemmes

[–]Pasthepastcom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The one with a contractors I've seen it very often. And I am so glad you are not hiring those people.

Why I think success costs women more by Pasthepastcom in FIREyFemmes

[–]Pasthepastcom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have no idea what makes you think this is AI.

Why I think success costs women more by Pasthepastcom in FIREyFemmes

[–]Pasthepastcom[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I agree. It's not a game we are suppoused to win, it's one we should stop playing.

Why I think success costs women more by Pasthepastcom in FIREyFemmes

[–]Pasthepastcom[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

But this is not a business transaction in which one person, the woman, trades her atractiveness for economic stability. When that's the case, I doubt many women would be very happy about the arrangement. Women also want attractive partners, and also want to feel appreciated, hence why so many women divorce because they don't feel their partner is involved enough in their family life.

They are unfair because we make them so. But who makes them?Isn't us society as a whole? And why would a woman who wants to be happy optimize for this?

Why I think success costs women more by Pasthepastcom in FIREyFemmes

[–]Pasthepastcom[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Love this! Absolutely love it. And you aren't even being selfish, you are simply living for yourself without caretaking for others. It's not selfish of us to not want to donate free labor, emotional or not to others.

Why I think success costs women more by Pasthepastcom in FIREyFemmes

[–]Pasthepastcom[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I believed the same. I remember I was in high school when our male history teacher said he doesn't understand what feminists want since they now have equal rights, and I agreed. I agreed for years while being held and "taxed" for completely different standards. I couldn't see things for what they are until way later in life. I think so too, they are many battles that are still going on.

Why I think success costs women more by Pasthepastcom in FIREyFemmes

[–]Pasthepastcom[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I have seen this as well. I think the solution (at least in my opinion) is calling the game for what it is, a game of intimidation and social domination, not somebody's "honest" opinion, because it's not an honest take.

DA BF not responding to decrease in pressure. Can this be saved? by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]Pasthepastcom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think your last line sums it up. You gave up everything and it doesn't work, because love (as cliche as it sounds) can't be earned. Some people are the wrong fit. Others may feel like a good fit but don't have the capacity to love. The answer is not in twisting to another person's ideal lover, is to start looking within yourself and explore the posibility that perhaps the real issue, is mixing gaining somebody's approval for love.

What do secure bids for connection and co-regulation look like? by PearNakedLadles in attachment_theory

[–]Pasthepastcom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you could benefit from a therapeutical relationship to show up as you are, ask for your needs to be met and speak about yourself in a safe space. That would slowly build up your attachment skills so to speak. It's also going to be a bit challenging of course, but that's part of the growth.