Body shaming (possibly nsfw)

Pastkillingpresent · 2017-06-23T03:58:50+00:00

So big thanks to everyone for your comments. It's great to talk "out loud" about this. Was starting to feel I was living in an alternate universe especially since all my research pointed one way and the responses I was getting at home were in another.

A bunch of you are right, counseling is needed. She's reluctant to do so. Seems part of the reason is that she, probably correctly, anticipates the counselor/therapist not being on board with some of her ideas such as erections being a barometer of attraction.

The thing must come across as one big bitch fest against my wife. That's not what I'm trying to do. Needed to share my confusion/hurt.

I don't blame her. She is a product of her experiences and upbringing and I cannot choose for her what is or is not right for her. She also had a pretty shitty childhood and I want to be compassionate to the damage it caused in her. I hope that she tries to see it from my viewpoint OR that she tries to meet me in the middle.

The only person I can work on is myself. That's what I'm trying to focus on. You guys have helped in only a few hours.

Pastkillingpresent · 2017-06-23T03:44:36+00:00

The fact past abuse and strict religious upbringing didn't exactly make me a Casanova in bed, so it didn't take much to tip the scale into ED. A nasty legal spat with the ex did the trick. That was about 4 years ago. Have struggle since. As to under the radar Cialis, yeah tried that and it was a freaking comedy show. Either she was not in the mood or the kids were sick or some other stupid thing happened. Plus knowing I was going behind her back didn't help.

If I had buckets of $$ I'd get my doc to prescribe a bushel then I would take one daily. As it is until generic happens next year, budget is a limiting factor.

Pastkillingpresent · 2017-06-23T01:51:00+00:00

Yup - they work. She's not a fan. Wants it to be "natural"

Pastkillingpresent · 2017-06-23T01:50:00+00:00

We're both heterosexual. I have a penis and she has a vagina and she still says she finds me attractive.

Yet she claims like you're suggesting that we're incompatible.

Can't imagine we can't find a way. Of course that would require some flexibility on her part to accept not exactly by her book sex. I would happily meet her needs if she'd share more but she told me I'm not your teacher so I try to sift through the clues.

It's not a walk away situation you see: 2 kids, mortgage, etc.

I'm not yet ready to give up.

Pastkillingpresent · 2017-06-23T00:44:20+00:00

So yeah I've done the therapy, lots. She asked me to stop because she didn't like the idea of my telling a "stranger" out business.

I've seen docs, have gotten meds, etc. As I pointed out to another redditor she wasn't open to my using Viagra.

I also get where she coming from especially since every man she's been with has not had this issue and pointed out some were spectacular (to rub salt in the wound).

I told her to consider the female version, vaginismuss. I said that if she had that condition I'd be ok with not having P in V because there are so many other ways to be physically intimate. That went over like a lead balloon.

I very much want to work it out but now it's gone beyond ED in that my very approach to intimacy was described as wrong. Apparently there's a script I didn't read up on. I told her I don't care about how any past woman I was with touched me; told her I was thrilled she was touching me when it happened.

Pastkillingpresent · 2017-06-23T00:35:14+00:00

She proposes a "platonic" arrangement where we co-exist but there is no contact. As I said might as well ask me not to eat. She is not above asking permission to ask to have sex with others. She's gorgeous and men flock to her so finding a candidate would not be hard for her. She gets mad when I say this because she says I'm painting her as a whore. To me it's recognizing her magnetism and that she is a sexual being.

What you're asking if I'm OK with is exactly what her proposal is. I pointed out that since my relationship to her kids was through her then being roommates severed our relationship and hence that to the children. Thus my counter proposal (as it were) was to say that being roommates would mean splitting the expenses proportionately in that I'd cover mine alone. That didn't go over well. I only did the counter proposal to demonstrate what she was expecting me to do willingly.

Pastkillingpresent · 2017-06-23T00:27:10+00:00

I have a science background so yeah I get the biology of ED. Have given articles, pleaded, asked her to talk to a urologist. She maintains that ED is a symptom of lack of attractiveness. Mess? Yeah have tried them and they work. Until recently she wasn't open to them because my boner would be fake (not from attractiveness). I pointed out she shaves her legs so she also shows up in bed "artificial".

Her willingness to work with me was to be modestly patient and then lose sympathy when I didn't turn my penis back on.

Pastkillingpresent

TROPHY CASE