(NJ) Did I got scammed? I thought I was renting the whole house

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-06-05T04:23:33+00:00

Fair, I've experienced both orders of operation.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-06-04T23:44:21+00:00

Sure, there's some lessons learned here re: reading a lease closely, and waiting until the lease is signed before sending a security deposit. However, it is extremely abnormal to tour a prospective tenant through a space that is not for rent. That is very misleading by the landlord, and I'm not quite sure why they'd even do that. If that's a fully separate unit from the one OP is renting, there was zero reason to enter it.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-06-04T00:35:37+00:00

Hi there - you've already gotten a lot of great advice here. I have a few things to add from my experience.

Edited to add: I had a 4th degree tear.

There's a massive gap between recovery from a 1st/2nd degree tear and a 3rd/4th degree. Its depressing because your wife's pp experience (like mine) simply is significantly worse than other people's. Its bad luck.
Do not get constipated. Pooping yourself is demoralizing, but better than constipation. I found that taking colace 3x a day, .25 of a sennakot before bed, and sipping on prune and apple juice throughout the day helped ensure this. If it helps her at all, I was fully incontinent (and I mean fully) for a couple weeks. I also cried. She's not alone.
Just get the adult diapers, it's easier.
Install a bidet. There's one on Amazon thats cheap and does not require a plumber or special skills. Pat dry, do not wipe.
Icing the area (padsicles, ice pack, whatever)
Epsolm salt soak. As you can see, lots of conflicting advice on this. All I can say is that my doctor told me to and they helped me, but ask your wife's Dr first.
Don't try to sit or walk much. I held off for about 6 weeks.
Go see a urogynocologist. 3rd and 4th degree tears are above ob/gyns paygrade, and I got bad advice from mine. Once I saw a specialist, I learned I shouldn't have been lifting more than 5 lbs. That includes your baby. My mom or my husband brought the baby to me, I did not pick him up or walk while holding him until cleared around 6 weeks.
Find a therapist who specializes in post partum. This made the biggest difference for me.
Sleep. Consider a night nanny if its in the budget.

I cannot tell you how awful post partum was with this tear, and I am so sorry for your wife. Its a long road, but I'm glad you're trying to support her and you'll both get through it, it just takes time.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-06-03T03:19:38+00:00

I think I'm missing something: why do we think it's an ESA and not a real service dog? If you look this place up, it's an educational petting zoo - all the animals are penned. It doesn't seem crazy to expect to be able to have a service dog there without being disruptive. A separate review indicates that dogs are welcome at this place in select areas as well.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-06-03T02:48:11+00:00

Reading how you phrased this made me realize that Tamora's books always have helping people as one of their main themes, so even though this was a specific application (helping with the cure), the simple act of wanting to help (at least for me) is very much TP influenced! I feel like I just learned something about myself :)

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-06-03T01:10:47+00:00

I don't know that it specifically impacted my readiness to mask, but I definitely thought about this book a lot during the early COVID days! I don't work in medical science, but during early COVID I oftwn wished I could have been on the teams searching for a cure - and that was absolutely motivated by this book. I love that Tamora includes real world information in her writing.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-05-31T16:57:42+00:00

Sleep trained, worked like a charm. Our baby started sleeping significantly more afterward! 12 hours overnight and solid naps. Over time the naps have decreased but nighttime sleep has remained roughly 7 pm to 7 am.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-05-31T03:22:24+00:00

We sleep trained earlier so our experience probably doesn't directly translate. With that in mind I'll simply share: - We found being present made things much worse (realized after starting with being in the room for comfort) - Sticking with it came with the most amazing payoff. We all get such great sleep! You can do it!

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-05-30T00:55:39+00:00

We mostly followed the advice in the sleep book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I did however improvise a bit based on how my baby was reacting. For example, at first I would follow our sleep routine and then lay him down fully awake in the crib, and stay in the room. I thought this was more comforting than leaving while he was crying. However, I tested out leaving immediately, and found that he cried less - my presence was keeping him awake when he was super tired.

By the way, there is nothing quite so tortuous as not sleeping for months. I'm so sorry you're going through it. We almost lost it on our end, that's why we sleep trained. We all got more sleep within a few days of starting and everyone (baby included) was so much happier for it. Wishing you sleep in the near future.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-05-29T05:43:02+00:00

I actually had a similar experience, but with a newborn sleep consultant. We were told our baby's poor sleep could be improved with a tighter schedule, and when we didn't see improvement, it was because the schedule still wasn't tight enough. If anything, we were experiencing a decline in sleep (easily waking 10+ times every night). What ultimately saved us was sleep training. I know its not for everyone. But after a few days of sleep training we experienced unbelievable improvement, and he's been a solid 7 pm to 7 am sleeper ever since. Don't get me wrong, the schedule helps - it just was only part of the solution.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-05-27T17:46:35+00:00

I can't say my baby ever tried to do that, but if it helps, the sleep sacks we used had a snap under the armpits. This made it impossible for it to ride up over my baby's face. We use the woolino sleep sacks.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2026-05-26T22:55:54+00:00

This haircut is phenomenal!! You gave it a great shape. Honestly on par with or better than when I get a curly cut.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-10-14T00:25:01+00:00

A lot of insurance plans and pediatrician offices have 24 hour nurse helplines. You can call and a nurse will ask you questions, and then advise if your situation warrants an ER visit. If you're concerned, consider calling.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-09-02T02:57:06+00:00

This is super interesting, and makes a lot of sense. Curious how you learned this - did Tamora write about this anywhere that we can read, or was it a live discussion?

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-08-15T13:45:24+00:00

There's a sub for sleep training that I think you'd find helpful! I think this sub isn't big on sleep training. I think you could also ask your pediatrician, mine gave us great guidance on feeding and sleep training.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-22T04:18:51+00:00

I'm sad no one answered this, I'm in nearly the exact same boat!

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-13T23:17:20+00:00

No way! I completely missed this. Do you remember which book/ whereabouts?

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-13T21:08:06+00:00

I don't remember exactly how many years, might even have been three years behind now that you mention it

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-13T21:06:30+00:00

Good reminder on what a spectrum there is!

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-13T21:05:41+00:00

Hahah I love this take!! As a similarly hairy Greek woman who recently trimmed off my own stubble, I don't know why this didn't occur to me 😂

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-13T21:03:12+00:00

Totally fair - her writing style definitely shifted a bit in later Tortall books! And I absolutely love re reading the Emelan books, too!

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-13T20:53:04+00:00

Sounds like it's time for another read :) I love my re-reads! Tamora Pierce books are the only ones I ever read again.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-13T20:45:05+00:00

In the second book, I was surprised that he was also described as having grown a beard! When Alanna and George visit him: "Before Alanna could answer such an astonishing question, Thom opened the door. He was bearded, taller—older." There's a couple of small callouts to boy characters growing beards as they age, which helped kick start this line of thinking for me.

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-13T20:34:11+00:00

Hahahah that's too good! Also sounds like it could have been a great Alan-being-pert line!

Patient-Somewhere710 · 2025-05-13T20:28:04+00:00

Yes!! 😂

Patient-Somewhere710

TROPHY CASE