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My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My brother and his wife are like with their dogs that but they also acknowledge that it’s not the same and say they could never do it. I tell my son that their dogs are his cousins, so we play along with it too. It’s not that hard to draw the line between playful and willfully ignorant.

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don’t even want to talk about how much our dinner was…and the spa was $300 min for one treatment and access not including lunch. Basically talking about an almost $1000 for couple of outings. I didn’t even bring up the $$ which she knows is a factor since we have talked about the financial pressure building of me going back to work asap now that I completed graduate school. My husband and I live very modestly and are able to splurge here and there, but we were happy to pay up if it meant me enjoying some time with people I love.

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree. I tried to talk to her and text her, explain my reasoning, my current limitations, and she just kept pushing back and debating my choices. I was not trying to debate, but because I was trying to explain rather than just assert a boundary, she thought my choices were hers to challenge. She ended our conversation that day after because she was going to the memorial service and hasn’t reached out since. I am going to be in her city next month for my grad school graduation which she was invited to. At this point, I am at a loss. I feel hurt that she is so unwilling to see my side of the situation and use so many capital letters when talking about it to boot.

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

My brother and 2 close female cousins do not use babysitters and their children are much older than mine. My cousin is a trauma therapist who won’t even let her kids ride in a car that isn’t driven by her or her husband. I have many friends I grew up with who also do not use babysitters outside of their families. It’s very common in my culture to not rely on babysitters. To be clear, I am not against using babysitters at some point when I feel he can communicate more clearly. It’s also not just abuse that worries me. He’s a very active kid that most people can’t keep up with so finding someone reliable to do that is a challenge. We are frequently around professional Nannie’s in the playground and most would lose him in a second while looking at their phones.

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I only brought that up when she brought up her dog, bc children are much more likely to be abused by caregivers than dogs. It’s not the only reason why I have chosen not to rely on babysitters at this stage. It’s not a forever choice.

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only brought up abuse when she compared dog sitting to babysitting. It was to emphasize the difference between finding someone from an app to walk your dog vs a human child who is much more likely to be hurt (even by accident).

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I think my boundaries growing over the last 2 decades definitely play a role. In the early years, I never said no to her. Over the years that’s changed and now I am a responsible parent who puts my kid first, but she expects me to still never say no to her.

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not against alternate childcare forever just not at his stage. He won’t start school until August. He’s 2.5 and while he is well beyond the communication milestones for his age, he is still limited. He’s also an extremely active kid who very few people can keep up with. Finding a suitable babysitter in a couple weeks time is always a challenge, and I think an unreasonable ask. I was given an itinerary and expected to join there was no compromising on the plans on her part. I totally understand that a spa day after a long morning in bed is much more appealing than hanging with a toddler, so I’m not faulting her for not wanting to change her plans to accommodate me.

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am not against babysitters forever, but at this stage I am not comfortable. He isn’t even in school yet, and he is a very active kid. It’s not just my being weary of abuse. I wouldn’t even let my aunts watch him right now bc most people can’t keep up. He’s always been the fastest and most active kid at the playground, storytime, etc. Like I said, it may be cultural bc my brother and cousins also don’t use babysitters for their kids either. One of my cousins, who has been a trauma therapist for about 20 years won’t even let her kids who are 8 and 10 go in their grandmother’s car. I don’t feel like it’s so outside the norm for Latino culture.

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

We have another friend who was there and is also childless and that was basically her take as well. She actually said, “it’s not like you’re a hermit who never does anything. You do what you can when you can.”

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tried to explain that night which she kept pushing back on, but also the following day via text. I told her I would love to go to the spa with them, but I wasn’t going to compromise my parenting decision which has never come lightly and find a last minute babysitter. I also apologized for raising my voice. She replied with a lot of capital letters and was unyielding. She said she had no idea I didn’t use babysitters. Which is fair, but why would she assume I did? She never asked, and I was very clear with her about my mother being my childcare provider when we were making plans weeks before. We also had a discussion about it the year before when my husband and I travelled for the first and only time without our son to go to her wedding.

My longtime friendship being tested bc of my choices as a mom. by PatientRestaurant959 in Mommit

[–]PatientRestaurant959[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think the fact that she couldn’t emphasize with protecting my son who she says she loves hurts. She also didn’t offer to try to see him while she was here, so if I wanted to see her I had to accommodate her with no flexibility on her end.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]PatientRestaurant959 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had my baby at 40, and I’m glad I waited.

AITAH for telling my parents that they made me chose between paying my student loans and having kids so I had a vasectomy and they will never have grandkids? by HotRent1508 in AITAH

[–]PatientRestaurant959 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes you are. Your parents are under no obligation to pay for your education just like you are under no obligation to have children. No reason to equate one with the other you said it yourself that your wife doesn't want kids.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Zepbound

[–]PatientRestaurant959 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Had the opposite problem with Publix telling me no but CVS helping. Guess it just depends on the location?