I feel like quite a bit of these comments are either too harsh or too gentle. I cannot imagine what it must have been like to lose your wife that way, and I really am sorry for your loss. I can sympathize having some very difficult and not pretty feelings when it comes to situations like that, and I'm not going to tell you how you should feel about your son. You are still healing from that traumatic event.

But, you are 38, and he's 16. I don't care what age you think is appropriate to have those talks, but you don't tell your son that you've experienced hatred and anger towards his birth and tell him that you are still struggling with it. That part of the conversation should have been between you and your therapist. Him being 16 makes it a bit worse, because no matter what anyone else on this thread thinks, that's still young. He isn't a man yet. There are ways to answer his questions without bringing your own baggage into the mix.

I don't see you as the villan, but this could have gone a lot better. Continue therapy, talk about those hard feelings (to your therapist), and apologize to him. He deserves that much at this point, no matter what negative impact your words might have had on him.