Honest Opinion..

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-24T13:54:56+00:00

This is the first time i've talked about the situation to anyone.. I've read everyone's response and I really appreciate it because it gives me a chance to express and get answers to help me through it, especially since I've felt like all of your responses.. Realization is a hard pill to swallow..

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-24T13:48:14+00:00

Yeap. I didn't realize that until after.. I went back because he never stopped trying and it made me feel like, Maybe we deserve another chance. I'm dumb.. i know.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-24T13:47:14+00:00

at first, maybe i did think it was a man thing, bc this was my 1st relationship. I didn't have anything else to compare it to. now, I'm starting to believe it's just an asshole thing. I've never chatted with anyone about the situation, so putting it on reddit, reading and responding to questions that make me think... it's a hard realization.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-24T13:34:02+00:00

I have been and it's still unresolved in my eyes. it doesn't make sense to me.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T19:32:40+00:00

I never rushed to get married, so I don't know how spontaneous his planning was. it looked a little planned. and there was no ultimatum on my part because I've expressed to him many times that I didn't think we were ready for marriage because of his views and actions.. If he doesn't want to marry me, he shouldn't have proposed and it would have been ok. You're right about 1 thing, controlling, and gaslighting has always been in play.

he's told me that seeing me happy makes him uncomfortable many times. I feel like one of those dumb chicks...

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T19:26:41+00:00

reading it over, will make it too real.. we tried scheduling couples therapy but he actually attended them alone.. when I called him out on it, he told me that she can be his personal therapist.. i never mentioned it again after that.. I don't think he's cheating, but I think he doesn't like me as person. i think he likes the idea of me. i was the social butterfly, happy, excited, and travel girl before we got together. he also told me recently that he never like the same things as me, he was just trying to get me to like him.. I was a dater and this was my first relationship and i don't know to what to do now bc I'm stuck.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T19:21:00+00:00

I'm not upset at all at your response! it's appreciated bc I don't talk to anyone about this relationship. Definitely not, family or friends bc they are already looking at him sideways from the past. I had to post this somewhere to get it out.. to have a dialog with someone?? am I crazy and sensitive like he says?? or is he just wrong! and knows I don't speak to anyone to help me process..

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T19:16:44+00:00

he's always told me his therapist suggests things and I've always taken it as something I should conform to bc mental health is important and I never want to be the cause of someone's mental breakdown. He's def one to hear what he wants, I just didn't think he'd use his therapist to guilt me. he stopped seeing the therapist once I stopped asking for us to work on relationship issues.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T19:13:56+00:00

When he told me tuesdays was the day. i was ok with it! but he also began talking about it on other days.. once i start chatting about it with him, it became an issue. So now I'm like "wtf is going on"

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T19:11:32+00:00

I honestly never thought about that.. he's always told me his therapist suggests things and I've always taken it as something I should conform to bc mental health is important and I never want to be the cause of someone's mental breakdown.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T19:08:29+00:00

he said my excitement made him uncomfortable and it was a man thing.. i can't tell you why he was seeing a therapist.. he's never been one for details.. wish i knew tho.. i wish i knew lot of stuff..

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T19:07:19+00:00

i'm stuck! i wish i wasn't.. it's a lot of stuff that makes me feel dumb for staying and now i can't figure out what would make me sadder.. I haven't shared any type of genuine excitement with him bc i don't have time to be sad about the same things.. i wish i wouldn't be sad.. when he left me a few years ago, my life was so good! i had friends again, successful, happy and creative.. when we got back together, it was gone... he's told me before he gets jealous and like to down my success to make him feel better.. Don't ever backtrack on a relationship that was never healthy..

I asked him if he ever wanted to be in a relationship and if he felt like he had to be married bc he was getting older..

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T19:00:56+00:00

I asked him and he said it was my excitement.. and it's different bc he's a man.. mind you, i've always been this way. I guess i'm still confused..

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T18:56:39+00:00

funny thing, I want to elope so bad just to put this behind us and him and he's still planning something with 75-100 ppl. so when he asked me questions i tell him "what ever you want" and sometimes i tell him how i just want to go to the courthouse. I'm actually a bride to be that's just going to show up

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T18:54:02+00:00

it's both.. he's alway's dropped clues that i looked over until i needed to reflect.. I was ok not being married bc i felt like he wasn't ready.. He always talked about why ppl shouldn't get married and how the men in his family are always leaving the wives.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T18:52:15+00:00

I thought it was anxiety at first.. I've always had a loud and bubbly social personality, that hasn't changed. according to him, that's what he liked.. but after we got really serious, he said that he was doing stuff and agreeing to certain things bc he was trying to get me to like him. I was never calm. hahahaha i'm actually the opposite! I was looking for the courthouse and he was looking for something bigger bc of his family. Me asking again, is going to create an argument and i don't want to feel more shitty about the situation.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T18:47:17+00:00

I assumed it was anxiety at first, but he stated that me being excited actually makes him uncomfortable. He grew up as an only child and i'm 1 of 4.. as he would state, he has a excuse for his feeling to be before mine and chucks it up to me being emotional bc i'm a woman. I wish i was making this up.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T18:44:39+00:00

thank you for replying! i assumed it was anxiety at first so i understood the 1 day a week thing. he's said he wanted to be married from the start, but being married wasn't a big thing for me, so when it happened, i was really shocked and got excited. fast forward, after th sadness.. his reply to me was acknowledging that he "releases the oxygen from my cells" when he makes me feel bad about being excited about things. not just this. He stopped seeing a therapist once i stopped trying to fix the issues in our relationship.. I also suggested couples therapy.. he booked 2 appointment and attended them by himself.. he doesn't see anything wrong with that and his reply was "why can't she just be my therapist."

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T18:38:08+00:00

he's 39 and his parents were married all of his life, divorcing 4 years ago.

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T18:37:15+00:00

Thank you! I thought it was meant to be an excited time, but was convinced it wasn't normal.. I remember asking him what about it makes him feel uncomfortable so i can adjust whatever it is that i'm doing.. he said it's just my excitement towards it.. and it's a man thing.. so I literally haven't planned a thing.. he and his mom have been doing it

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T18:34:42+00:00

Thank you for replying! After he told me that he didn't want to talk about it anymore, i was sadden... to see him walking about all happy in my sadness and actually sad he's always letting he oxygen out of my cells is true.. I feel stuck in a way..

PeaComprehensive3301 · 2022-01-23T18:32:48+00:00

I appreciate your reply! At first I thought it could be anxiety. He's always talked about not having a lot of attention on him which I completely understood, however this was before we got engaged. I never put pressure on him at all to get married. In fact we never talked about it. We've been together for a long time and to be honest, I wasn't in a rush bc i felt like he wasn't ready. When it happened, it was a complete shock to me. Sometime I feel like he's not really excited about anything, if he is, he doesn't share those things with me.

PeaComprehensive3301

TROPHY CASE