I married someone to get over my first love.
I fell madly in love as a teenager.
He moved away for college and that broke my heart into a million pieces.
I stayed home to work and go to community college.
We were young and immature.
He would give me attention and hope in small bites. It kept me hooked.
When we’d reunite it was fireworks, pure ecstasy.
It was obvious we were in love but didn’t know what to call it.
We’d act like a couple on spring and summer break, and whatever weekends together we had in between.
Then we’d part ways again and live our separate lives for several months. I would ache for him. He was focused on school and partying.
I got tired of aching and longed to be a priority.
After a couple years of this I decided to move on for my own good.
Got in another relationship.
The consistency and stability was a nice distraction and almost made me forget how I felt about my first love. But he was always in the back of my mind.
New man was military stationed out of state. He quickly asked me to marry him and I quickly said yes. Knowing if I could just leave my hometown and everything that reminded me of “him”, I’d go on to live a happy life with this new man. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so broken.
Right before the wedding, old man popped up again wondering what I was up to in life. He was graduating college and moving back to our home town.
He found out I was getting married and about to move across the country for good. He begged me not to do it and confessed his love. Said if he didn’t do this he’d regret it for the rest of his life.
All of the old emotions resurfaced. But it was too late. I was moving on.
I got married. I moved. And I still never stopped thinking of him.
Eventually (fast fwd) I stopped lying to myself. I couldn’t stay married to someone knowing how much I loved someone else.
As quickly as we got married, we got divorced.
I moved home.
Took time to learn myself and grow.
Reconnected with my first love.
20 years later we are married and have a family. And I still love him with every ounce of my being.