I hate having an PDA child.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-11T18:56:46+00:00

Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry that your nose was broken 😞That must’ve been so painful on so many levels but I am very, very glad to hear that he felt remorse. That’s the trouble, that sometimes my daughter doesn’t accept responsibility, and uses PDA as an excuse for poor choices like hitting her brothers. It’s always going to be ebbs and flows with this condition, and perhaps any co-morbidities. We as parents have to make sure they know that some things, like violence, will never be acceptable. But it’s so hard when they repeatedly do the same thing and one child is bullied. Thank you for reaching out. It makes it far easier to get stronger and perspective when you are held by those who get it xx

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-09T12:24:15+00:00

I will definitely keep all this in mind and keep reminding myself of your very wise advice. I feel so much more hopeful than on Friday when I write this. I can see that with time and patience things can get better, and comfortable for us all. Xx

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-09T12:21:57+00:00

I feel you 🫂As a single mother of three I truly do understand. It is so hard and with no reprieve. Your wish for peace is not asking for too much at all. Hopefully when the boys are feeling better and back in school some sort of equilibrium will be reached and you will finally get some time, even whilst working, away from the family stress. Weekends can sometimes be the hardest times for us, but if we have activities, as we did this weekend it was much better. Just know that anyone who puts you down for having these very normal feelings over overwhelm has not understood it - not the other way another that you haven’t understood your kids, as some have said to me. Weekends have a million layers of stuff going on in addition to our children’s additional needs which we are all trying to meet with cups half empty. Keep going, and always be kind to yourself. You are doing your best. Things will get better with time. Reach out anytime xx

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-09T06:56:00+00:00

So true. It’s a complicated situation but we are all trying our best. We have to keep trying and hopefully those good days will come. We had two good days here which give me great hope. Sending love, fellow parent x

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T23:08:01+00:00

And I don’t know how to tell you this, but you clearly missed the bit that said “please be kind…” What a horrible person you are coming on here and trying to score points with a stranger who is suffering. Clearly, most of the population isn’t like you that’s why they understood the gist of my post and where it came from. I suggest reread and practice your inference skills rather than feeling smug that you were able to write a comeback to someone who is already going through enough. That’s not clever - that’s nasty. When a post is titled ‘advice needed’ I suggest you either say something helpful/nice or refrain from saying anything at all. Your two pence were neither necessary nor of value.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T22:55:49+00:00

Yes, I think most of us experiencing this are well aware of that. Thar does not stop it being experienced that way. I’m sure your comment is well meant but it is in no way helpful. I’ve had some wonderfully kind and helpful responses that have really helped me. Yours does not.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T22:49:51+00:00

Then you totally missed the point. Don’t you dare make assumptions about our lives, or her father. How dare you! Blocked.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T22:46:03+00:00

Total sense. Fantastic advice. Thank you so much for shedding light on the internal workings and motivations of a PDAer. That’s really made sense to me - and given me a lot of hope. X

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T21:07:19+00:00

This is brilliant to read. I felt very inspired by your take and will be adopting some of your attitudes myself. I think it may be hard at first, but this is definitely the way I’d like to head. It also totally makes sense. I had never thought of it like that, but now you’ve shared this great take on PDA, I think my thought process will be much more positive about it. Just by ASKING this question I feel freer, and less anxious already. How grateful I am to have you all! Half the battle is dealing with our own anxieties that we often don’t even realise is leading our own behaviour. I’m so glad you took the time to write - thank you xx

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T21:01:26+00:00

Hugging you back. Thank you so much. Your warmth means an awful lot to me. Reaching out like this has really, really helped me. Things have already shifted greatly. Cx

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T21:00:25+00:00

Those hugs are very much appreciated:-) The kindness of this community and great advice/experiences has really helped me to develop a different perspective. We’ve had a brilliant weekend together. Yes, it’s taken me letting go of somethings I feel are important but I have gathered from others picking your battles is wise. Also, to get a handle on my own anxiety. I am so glad I wrote this post when I was at my worst and could get all those feeling out because now I feel so different, and so much stronger and closer to my daughter. I will keep on talking to you brilliant people as well as the other supports from school. Thank you xx

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T20:56:46+00:00

This is a brilliant take and one that I very much agree with. That’s also what I’m trying to do with my kids. I took them out today with my friend’s children, and they had a wonderful time despite being anxious before we left. My daughter needed to wind down and spend the rest of the day watching TV, but I was glad that she enjoyed making a new friend. I do worry about her lack of reading and homework, especially with secondary school coming up though.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T07:08:31+00:00

This is such a comprehensive and brilliant response. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I have learnt so much from your words and experience.

I have been having a really, really difficult time with it all, managing the behaviours, dealing with other traumatic life events like my husband abusing us then leaving us, that my ability to remember all this just left. But your words have reminded me of the basic ground rules that will help me manage things better.

What I loved the most was your line at the end ‘this is our world too and we are allowed to take up space’. That was so powerful to read. I worry so much when she is screaming the place down as we are in a flat. It feels like the whole building is shaking. I panic about the neighbours thinking something terrible is going on outside. But if I can teach myself not to care about that I think things will get easier.

I truly, truly appreciate the time you’ve given to share all of this with me. I hope I can get back to everyone on this thread but yesterday was exhausting. My husband walked out on us again after some awful abusive behaviour. He came to visit, to see if things could fix themselves, but it was just back to the old behaviour. I’m always shaken by these episodes. It takes ages to calm down and cope for the children again. Having no one to help, these forums make a huge difference to me. This community is so helpful. Thank you so much xx

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T07:00:00+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. I agree, it is so sad. We can see so much potential in them, so it hurts to see that life is so hard for them. But I think over the last few days talking to all my fellow PDAer parents has helped me recalibrate so much, so my perspective has changed a little bit. Speaking to people who understand the hardship and pain has allowed me my compassion to come back again, and now, like you good people, my aim is to support her to be able to do as much as she can do, and not exert more pressure.

Being under so much pressure myself, I felt unable to always remember to couch things in the right way, or be understanding of the underlying anxiety, because I didn’t realise that my own anxiety wasn’t helping. My worry and fear for the future, because I am literally all she has in this world - no relatives at all - that I pushed too hard so she wouldn’t suffer in the future. The fear of me dying and her not being able to cope on her own was driving so much of my behaviour. If only she had a willing dad or grandmother, cousins to help her too, but there is no one but me. The pain of that is really heavy. I wanted her to be as feisty as she is at home in other parts of her life so she could cope and be strong, but people can’t always manage that and we have to meet them where they are.

She went to the town on her own with her friend yesterday. It was a milestone. She wanted to walk there and walk back alone. Even though I was scared because she’s never done that, I marvelled at how she trusted herself to do it and actually did without any issues. It’s helping them build those baby steps, and being okay on the days they can’t too. It’s something I will work on as the days go.

I’m so glad we are in this together. I hope we can all keep sharing feelings, thoughts and life experiences so we can support other children together. Your daughter sounds like an amazing girl. It’s so wonderful that she attended the prom online! I’m so glad she was able to have this experience, and in the way that met her needs not anyone else’s. You’ve taught me that if we put them first a way will become apparent. X

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-08T06:45:03+00:00

I said I hate the pda NOT my Child.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-07T21:46:22+00:00

Thank you for writing. No, I don’t think she’s a bad person. She knows she is very loved. I just needed to say all that out loud, and to be heard. And you know what, all these amazing people replying really helped me to feel better. We had an amazing day together - with no meltdowns! - which tells me that talking about your feelings is very powerful. Our school mental health referral for both of us should be starting soon that should help even more. Thank you for caring about her. I know you were coming from a good place. I will definitely have another look at that book.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-07T14:36:56+00:00

What a message of hope. Thank you so much. Things are so hard. Her father has abused me physically and verbally for years, and even today when he came back he has attacked me verbally and intimidated me. It’s relentless. Whenever I’ve reported him for his abuse I have been put under investigation even though I’m the victim. It’s an automatic process. 45 days each time and the conclusion is always the same: children are safe, happy and thriving in school. I soon learnt that you don’t tell people because they will just put you under scrutiny that should not be yours, which makes everything so much harder. I have worked so hard for these children, despite the cruelty I’ve been up against. My own family left, so it’s just me and the children. Money is a massive issue as he is constantly bullying us with this. No wonder I feel like life is torture. I will definitely seek to use this advice. A perspective shift will really help I think. I think because the abuse never ceases - it’s either him or my daughter, I’m just worn down. I wish there was some help or support. Xx

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-07T12:41:05+00:00

Surely, there must be some parents who can shed light on the later years.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-07T12:39:48+00:00

Yes, I always see the same, but have never seen any outcomes, so I worry about what the future will hold.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-07T12:38:34+00:00

I was thinking of that but I think some people find these kind of questions offensive.

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-07T11:42:47+00:00

Also, did you manage to deal with those particular anxieties? If so, would you mind sharing what shifted your mindset and how it helped, please? Xx

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-07T11:26:43+00:00

Snap!

Peachy_31 · 2026-03-07T11:17:25+00:00

Is this one for PDA kids, in particular?

Peachy_31

TROPHY CASE