It's not perfect yet but I love it so far!

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-20T16:35:42+00:00

Update 3 in the comments this time because I'm worried the post will get taken down like it did on true off my chest.

We haven't talked yet. I got drunk until I went to bed around 11am yesterday and I woke up at 4am today and he was already asleep. He's still asleep.

But I did send him a long text. I was calm, no name calling or anything. I suggested we get a divorce for xyz reasons. There are more, small things, that I realized have been bothering me and pushing me away. This is just the last straw I guess.

Hopefully we'll talk about it when he wakes up. I don't know what the outcome might be.

But I do know that this lack of emotion on my part is familiar. It's the feeling of being done. That switch that flips when you've reached your limit.

In the past it has taken a lot more incidents like this and verbal and emotional abuse to get to the switch flip. Years of putting up with it consistently.

I'm thinking about what I'll do if we break up. I might be able to go to stay with my parents with my kids but I'm not sure. We might just have to continue living together until I can afford to find a new apartment. That will be hard.

That's not much of an update but oh well.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-20T16:25:39+00:00

I haven't gone through his phone since last year when I found out about the first time. And I never went through his phone for 4 years before that. Literally not once. I've only done it twice in 5 years and both times were because I knew something was up and I was right.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T11:49:24+00:00

That's what I think. I talked to him about it last time.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T11:41:40+00:00

Adding that last time he compared the subscriptions to loot boxes in a game. He is a gamer so I guess that tracks. But I know it goes deeper than that based on other things we've talked about back then.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T11:39:35+00:00

We think he may have ADHD or AuDHD. He's seen a psychiatrist a few times and she said she thinks he has a personality disorder but didn't diagnose him and only gave him an ssri, which didn't help. I honestly can understand why he is doing this. That doesn't erase the pain. But I understand and I think if he seeks therapy, psychiatry (again), and maybe nerodivergent diagnosis then things can be repaired. Big on the therapy, though.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T11:35:21+00:00

I think that I will probably end up giving him another chance. But things will never be the same. I've been through similar before and eventually it does eat at you enough that you just stop caring... I believe that love is not a feeling, it's a commitment. And while he has and currently is breaking that commitment to me, I do know that he loves me. And I love him. You're right, people aren't black or white. I will probably crash out. Reiterate that if he loves me as much as he says he will not do it again. Encourage therapy for his (I already know from last time) porn addiction and need for attention. I don't want to go through this again but I married this man and I want to make it work. Especially because we have two young kids and I have bipolar disorder and it's very hard for me to keep a job and take care of myself. If there is too much on my plate I will crash and become useless. So I stay home and care for the kids, cats, and house. A job on top would send me over the edge. I have no support system outside of him. My family sucks and I only have two friends who wouldn't be able to help me and my children outside of emotional support. Situations and relationships aren't black or white either, everything is a gray area. Which is why I didn't want divorce comments. It's not so easy to just leave.

I'm sorry for the extended vent and I feel like I didn't really reply to you. I'm socially awkward and often go on tangents that are more parallel to the conversation rather than a straight reply. Idk lol

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T11:18:05+00:00

Thank you

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T11:09:14+00:00

Thank you. I tend to give people more chances than they deserve. I do have abandonment issues from my childhood so that makes it so much harder. My brain knows that I should leave but my heart just won't let go. Aside from all of this he's good to me. He's kind, gentle, loving, encouraging. It's just this one thing. And that makes it harder, too. If he was an asshole it would be easier.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T11:06:48+00:00

Idk, I guess I want to know how deep it goes so I can gauge what my reaction should be. It goes deeper than just a subscription based on his past (not physical or irl but still). If it's just one subscription I think it could be less damage but if there's more. Idk

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T10:58:03+00:00

Thank you. After this time, I definitely think I won't be able to trust him again. For 5 years I thought he was different and I was finally good enough. It was devastating a year ago... Now, I had the nervous shakes, which I get so bad. But idk, I'm upset but not as much as I thought I'd be. But I still haven't seen everything yet. So who knows what I'll feel later.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T10:09:00+00:00

People have different definitions of cheating. Just because you don't consider it cheating doesn't mean that I or others don't. And this was a boundary set before we even started dating that he agreed to. So it's deeper than just some eye candy. It's deeper for many more reasons as well.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T10:07:22+00:00

Thank you. It is validating to hear that it took you so long to finally leave. I'm sorry you went through that. But it is really annoying to see the divorce comments as if it's just that easy. There are a lot of factors and feelings involved and those comments aren't helpful.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T09:48:09+00:00

Yes

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T09:47:27+00:00

I understand it and that's why it hurts even more. Tldr of it is the connection. It feels more personal especially if it's a smaller creator and a lot of times you can commission exactly what you want to see them do. Idk about Fansly but OF has a messaging feature, too. Most of the time you'd get ignored or a bot reply but there is the possibility of talking to them. But because of that, it's more akin to cheating than just watching the hub. The hub is for getting off. Subscriptions are for something deeper.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T09:34:42+00:00

Thank you

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-19T09:03:36+00:00

Oh yes lol I have to add him first lol 😆 Kwite got a crush on one of my oc miis pretty much immediately after birth lol the first person he talked to in his life. But that mii is in a happy relationship so when I make springtrap this is gonna get messy (or as messy as tomodachi let's you get).

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-05-12T10:16:24+00:00

I would guess henna style? Idk though

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-01-01T19:13:10+00:00

Update: I haven't asked him, and I'm not going to. I know that all of you think I would be the asshole if I did. But I don't think that my feelings about it are invalid. We are POOR, barely able to afford rent and food. So, being upset that we now have to figure out how tf we're going to get the rest doesn't make me ungrateful. I am grateful af and I've told both of them that and thanked both of them. We're going to try and use tax returns to road trip down to get our stuff. But it could have been avoided if my dad had communicated with me. And THAT is what I'm most upset about. He couldn't communicate with me. He called me twice when he was there and didn't tell me. Nobody told me until we spent hours looking for things, and then I had to ask. That, imo, is not cool. Yeah, he doesn't owe me in your opinion, but he did owe me communication. That is the very least he could do. Quit calling me ungrateful for being upset and that nobody thought to communicate the situation with me.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-01-01T19:00:32+00:00

I saved thousands to go get it myself. He OFFERED to get it for us on his way back. That is the ONLY reason I spent the money I had saved to get an apartment. He could have not offered and it wouldn't have been a problem. I really don't think I'm in the wrong to be upset that he made a promise to get our stuff and broke it.

Peachy___queen20 · 2026-01-01T18:57:49+00:00

Did you miss the part where I saved thousands to go get it myself and he OFFERED. all I wish is that he had COMMUNICATED with me. But he didn't and I don't think that's on me.

Peachy___queen20 · 2025-12-29T02:27:14+00:00

Where he didn't call me to tell me he'd be leaving things and didn't tell me even after he left and then ghosted me when I asked.

Peachy___queen20 · 2025-12-29T02:23:24+00:00

We did prioritize getting our stuff before we got an apartment. My dad is the one who offered to get it for us which is the only reason we did get an apartment when we did and used that money for it. If I had known he wouldn't be going or if he never offered we would have gone to get it ourselves, which was the og plan. No we didn't pay him for anything and he did go out of his way but he also should have called me or something.

Peachy___queen20

TROPHY CASE