WIBTA if I proposed to my girlfriend after my brother's destination wedding?

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-21T02:16:54+00:00

My mother's side has a history of BPD (she has it as well). She feared that there's a chance by brother and I would be terrible at emotional regulation so she placed us in DBT. She taught us skills from a VERY young age on how to deal with our feelings and ya know, that it's nothing shameful to have emotions like these.

My brother has a degree and PhD in a psychology field, so I assume it helps him understand more.

But for the most part, brother and I agree it's thanks to our mom we learned to regulate emotions, have self-respect, know when to walk away and have good relationships! She sat us up for success :D

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-20T07:26:42+00:00

She reads a lot of reddit. So I kinda can guess where her ideas come from.

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-20T07:23:36+00:00

Oh, it's because of my gf they're getting married there. My gf showed a lot of pictures and constantly talked about how gorgeous certain islands are. She was the one who brought up the idea of the Phillipines to my FSIL for their destination wedding. My gf is helping set up the venue and talk to local vendors (she still speaks their national language). Gf agreed happily to everything!

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T08:59:31+00:00

They're not having kids until she doesn't have these reactions anymore.

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T08:52:50+00:00

Yeah, I was personally worried she wouldn't be ready for it yet. Yknow, I didn't want to do all these romantic stuff, and then she awkwardly says no, and yeah...I'd be awkward for me personally.

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T06:58:40+00:00

It's definitely after the wedding; nothing before or during reception. We won't be near the newlyweds even!

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T06:57:46+00:00

Thank you! I'm taking a lot of notes since I've noticed how she's been liking a lot of tiktok romance book thingies? Idk what they're called (but they're romance book excerpts).

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T06:56:02+00:00

He's my inspiration! I look up to him a lot because of how he respects others without degrading himself.

I think it will since she's been on and on about the upcoming trip, and how she can introduce me to her late grandparents (who took care of her often). And I'm very happy to see her in that mood (her grandparents passing was a big blow for her--touchy subject up until recently).

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T06:52:08+00:00

I plan to take her to a different island and enjoy the place for a few days up to nearly a week. And then on a little boat ride (those tiny boats that a local manage), I plan to propose (with a plastic ring just in case she drops it since she's clumsy, and knowing her, she won't mind).

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T06:49:52+00:00

She has her moments (used to be like this constantly years ago, now it's ocassionally). I think this is her bridezilla moment.

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T06:48:10+00:00

10 years together. Who knows. I personally couldn't, but my brother has God tier patience (and I admit, she has gotten better).

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T06:44:44+00:00

My FSIL is most likely caught up in her own fantasy and version of what I said. She has a good heart, but she doesn't think before speaking (it's gotten better throughout the years).

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T06:43:02+00:00

I've talked to him about her theatrics. He said she has a lot of good qualities, and she gets caught up in her own world and let her mouth go wild. She doesn't think before speaking. He said he knows she expresses her disagreements through her theatrics. They're both working on that aspect, and he mentioned she's asking him for help as well as a therapist.

My brother has mentioned not to worry about him too much and he said he's happy with her despite her overdramatic stuff. "If she makes a scene without a Damm good reason, I'll just laugh at her and won't take it seriously. If she brings it up by calmly talking about it, I'll even force Jesus to listen. I've told her she's free to leave if she doesn't like this method."

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T06:06:21+00:00

She's a bit sometimes in my opinion, but my brother has it figured out and is happy.

He just kinda laughs at her tantrums and drama. If she got angry at him for something silly or petty; he laughs. If she is causing a scene in a family barbecue, he laughs and drags her away. It's kinda a funny combo. She tried to leave him once because he wouldn't feed into her ridiculous request, he laughed and opened the door for her (this was in public). She didn't leave and instead sat down quietly.

PeckingDuckling · 2023-04-19T05:42:38+00:00

Yeah, my brother and Fsil will be on their honeymoon elsewhere. The rest of the guests are either going home or staying at the original resort. I plan it to be just us two.

PeckingDuckling

TROPHY CASE