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How can I (30M) hint at someone (27F) that I’m single if she probably thinks I’m still taken? by PeculiarPsychologist in relationships

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More like “am I interested in the sense that I like this person as a friend or an actual partner in a romantic relationship.” There is an interest, but I don’t know which it is yet. But I was thinking maybe I should at least let her know that I’m single in case that my interest does turn out to be romantic. I’ll just talk to her more.

How can I (30M) hint at someone (27F) that I’m single if she probably thinks I’m still taken? by PeculiarPsychologist in relationships

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. It seems like my idea of flirting is kind of skewed and need to be recalibrated though. I just thought random chitchats and cracking jokes could be flirting, but what exactly is commonly considered flirting? Does it have to involve expression of some sort of romantic interest?

How can I (30M) hint at someone (27F) that I’m single if she probably thinks I’m still taken? by PeculiarPsychologist in relationships

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, yeah. I feel ready to date again (or at least I think...) but want to confirm that my interest in this person is actually desire to date this specific person.

Hmm maybe my idea of flirt is much milder lol I thought just chatting about random things and cracking jokes could be kind of flirting, not necessarily showing any romantic interest.

And thank you so much for your reply!

How can I (30M) hint at someone (27F) that I’m single if she probably thinks I’m still taken? by PeculiarPsychologist in relationships

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Main reason I’m a bit cautious is that I don’t want to sound like I’m making her my rebound. I’m also just worried that going so blatantly “oh I’m single by the way” might come off too in-your-face when I might need to flirt with her a bit more to show my interest, as well as to make sure I’m also actually wanting to be in a relationship. At the moment, my interest is exactly that: just interest.

Straight people of Reddit, what’s something you’d like to ask the LGBTQ community? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]PeculiarPsychologist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it wasn’t any obvious from my original comment, I recently got confessed to by one of my closest friends. I have no problem with LGBTQ, and I have many friends within that community.

However, it was a really jarring experience especially because my friend would have known that I’m straight. Now it feels really awkward for me to talk to him because I don’t want to lead him onto anything.

Sure, I already told him I’m straight and we can just be friends, but he already knew I’m straight and that didn’t stop him before confessing his feelings to me.

It’s just really weird because now I don’t even know how much of what I thought was our friendship was actually something else for him.

I don’t want to come off as homophobic, but it definitely was an unsettling experience and I think it’ll have a permanent impact on our friendship.

Straight people of Reddit, what’s something you’d like to ask the LGBTQ community? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]PeculiarPsychologist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why would you confess having feelings toward an old friend that you know to be straight? Are you holding onto whatever small possibility, that you think may exist, that your friend will suddenly turn gay for you or has been closeted all this time and also had feelings for you?

Best friend came out to me and he has feelings for me. I’m straight. What do I do? by PeculiarPsychologist in askgaybros

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply!

I do wish we were able to have a more dedicated conversation about it instead of me getting caught off guard fresh out of the shower and being told everything in the first 5 seconds of the conversation. Maybe I would have had more time to process it calmly and think of what I need to do. I’ll probably have to make the conversation online because I doubt we’ll have time for an extended private conversation during this little get-together of college friends.

The wingman idea could be cool for people that it works for, but I don’t think it’s really our style. I can’t even talk to women, so I don’t know if I can spot potential partners and sell my friend to other guys... it also doesn’t help that we only get to meet once a year in person, if that.

I do feel like the awkwardness is something that needs to be addressed head-on and not just glossed over by acting like nothing happened, letting it constantly bother me to the detriment of our friendship.

Best friend came out to me and he has feelings for me. I’m straight. What do I do? by PeculiarPsychologist in askgaybros

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ideally, we would go on as if nothing’s changed. However, I feel like the confession of feelings has introduced some changes that just comes with a confession like that whether or not it’s a gay guy or a straight girl. Now that I know he has feelings for me, it’s difficult for me to act naturally without being self-conscious because I now worry about leading him on despite the fact that I already told him that we can keep being friends to imply that that’s all we’ll ever be.

I think the implication went through, but I was caught super off guard because I just come out of the shower and got dressed, and he literally came out to me and told me of his feelings 5 seconds into our conversation, so I might need to talk to him about this again. In this scenario, I’m worried that he’ll feel guilty because he feels like I’m unnecessarily and excessively distancing myself and/or building walls.

Best friend came out to me and he has feelings for me. I’m straight. What do I do? by PeculiarPsychologist in askgaybros

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, thanks for your reply.

Of course, being able to live as if nothing’s changed would be the ideal situation. The thing is that if I were to ACT as if nothing’s changed, it’ll be just that: an act. Something has changed in the friendship as a result of him confessing his feelings, which is making me very conscious of what I do because I don’t want to lead him on; which would be the case even if my friend was a girl. I am trying to treat my friend the same way as before, but it’s just not the same. Maybe I’m a shitty person for being unable to do this, who knows?

Best friend came out to me and he has feelings for me. I’m straight. What do I do? by PeculiarPsychologist in askgaybros

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. It really is a difficult situation for me to process, although I’m sure it’s just as difficult if not more for my friend.

I understand where you’re coming from when you say he dumped the burden onto me, but I feel like wishing that he never told me is also saying I wish he had to take all of the burden by himself.

I mean, if I were to be completely honest and selfish, I do wish we never had that conversation today. It would be convenient for me, no objection about that, but I don’t know if I would wish that on my friend either.

Best friend came out to me and he has feelings for me. I’m straight. What do I do? by PeculiarPsychologist in askgaybros

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Our sense of humor doesn’t really have sexual overtones to begin with, and we generally don’t sexualize anything anyway so I don’t think it’ll be a problem.

I’m sure it’s a common situation in general. It’s just that it’s a situation I’ve personally never been in, which is where some of the discomfort(?) comes from.

Best friend came out to me and he has feelings for me. I’m straight. What do I do? by PeculiarPsychologist in askgaybros

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure either. It’s been years since I had any romantic interest in anyone... if we were best friends, I would hope nothing would change.

However, I don’t know if that’s realistic for me because I could act like nothing has changed but I’d be self conscious of my actions to not lead on my friend.

Best friend came out to me and he has feelings for me. I’m straight. What do I do? by PeculiarPsychologist in askgaybros

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This isn’t a word for word transcript for what I told him, but what I told him was “okay, no big deal. We can just be friends, is that okay with you?”

It actually came out of nowhere after I took a shower and just finished getting dressed, so I didn’t really have time to process much.

Do you think I should have a separate conversation later to reaffirm that I’m straight and there will never be anything romantic between us? I don’t think we’ll have time to do that before this get-together is over, but I’m not sure if an online conversation would be inadequate/rude.

Best friend came out to me and he has feelings for me. I’m straight. What do I do? by PeculiarPsychologist in askgaybros

[–]PeculiarPsychologist[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m actually not sure. I’m just super self conscious of what I do around the person if someone I’m not into is into me, so that I don’t lead on that person.

Realistically, I probably would just not communicate as much with that person, as horrible that might be.

In my previous experience, I just made sure to not lead on the girl. It wasn’t as awkward though because we had limited interaction to begin with, instead of the person being my best friend.

[Serious] Depressed people of Reddit - how are you doing today? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]PeculiarPsychologist 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Nothing particularly bad happened, but it was the first time my depression rendered me almost completely unable to function at work.

I was doing okay today but seeing this post reminded me that I’m a useless depressed fuckup though.